What questions should I ask as a relative?

[Chaika]

Your answers to my last post about what bypass surgery is all about were really helpful.

One further question (I will try not to ask any more). As a relative of someone having the surgery, what questions should I be asking to find out what I need to know? This relates to his current condition; the course of treatment; and what he needs going forward.

This has been reinforced because I just rang his ward to see how he was today and they said ‘fine’. Coincidentally he texted me immediately after to say that he had just had another episode, which the staff had not mentioned to me. I would have liked them to say he had had it, but it was under control. My guess is that had I specifically asked ‘has he had any more episodes’ they would have said yes.

[jimmyq]

What do you want to know? Most importantly, when you go to the hospital, write your questions down and write down their answers to them.

[Dolphin14]

Is it ok for staff to give information to you?

Do they need permission? Could that have been the road block?

[MichaelJH Heart Star]

I have to admit I am slightly lost now. Has he had the bypass surgery or is he in hospital awaiting it? I am unclear what you mean by an episode.

Hospital staff cannot give out to much information unless they are 100% sure who the caller is. When I had my accident one of my best friends could not find out how I was and yet someone else tricked the information out of them! Also in these days of mobile phones there is less need to ring the ward. The staff are busy enough without having to answer phones all day. Check how someone is once or twice a day if not in phone contact. They will contact you quickly enough if there is a serious issue but no one wants that call!

[seasider18 in reply to MichaelJH]

When my brother in law was in hospital relatives were given a password to use when phoning or no information.

[MichaelJH Heart Star in reply to seasider18]

Sounds an excellent idea! My sister could not even find out how I was initially but I managed to text her a few hours later.

[seasider18 in reply to MichaelJH]

I don't know how many hospitals do this but he was in a hospital in Kent. He was too ill to make or receive calls on his own.

[Chaika]

Ok, it sounds like I’m asking a silly question.

The point is that he had bypass surgery yesterday, so he was in no state to tell me how things had gone or how serious things were, or any of the hundred and one things a concerned relative needs to know.

I am definitely not someone who bugs hospital staff and would never call often, but someone somewhere needs to take into account that as his next of kin, and the person who will have to care for him when he comes home, there are things I need to know and emotional support that I need to get through this nightmare too.

[bantam12]

When you visit or phone ask to speak to the Staff Nurse or Sister, they are the only ones you will get any answers from, usually the phone will be picked up by the ward clerk and they aren't able to tell you much.

When my husband was in for 9 weeks I had to deal with appalling lack of communication from the wards, some worse than others !

[Chaika in reply to bantam12]

Thank you. That’s helpful.

Yesterday the most helpful person on ICU was a student nurse who took the time to explain things. And I came home so much more reassured and able to get the sleep I need to be able to care for him.

[bantam12 in reply to Chaika]

ICU wards are very good as they are used to dealing with worried relatives, when my husband was in ICU we had a direct phone line to his room so could get updates from his nurse and they could call me direct if there was any news. Sadly once on the wards things go a bit pear shaped ! the other thing I did was meet up with his surgeon on a ward round one day which clarified a few issues.

Good luck

[Chaika]

Yes, to my surprise they put me through to him this morning. But yesterday even in ICU it was hard to get anything out of anyone. We just wanted to know how the op had gone and how he was - really ‘do I need to be concerned or not?’

[Maisie2014]

Hi Chaika. There are different ICU wards in different hospitals so I can’t speak for all of them. My daughter is an ICU nurse and nurses on a one patient one nurse ward. The other ICU ward can be a ratio one to 14! In the same hospital. There are no staff so morale is rock bottom but they spend as much time as possible explaining to relatives. She is very dedicated to her patients and worries about the relatives too. I know you are feeling left out and you want to do your best for your husband but please be patient and ask to speak to the surgeon or the ward sister when you visit rather than telephoning (if you can). I know that sometimes you have to push. If she hadn’t pushed and asked the ward sister for me I might not have been able to speak on this site. Best wishes to you and yours.

[Chaika]

They did strongly encourage me to call, which is why I called. And I really don’t more than once a day, and then only to check that there hadn’t been any deterioration. I wouldn’t do that if the staff weren’t showing concern. And so far, my requests to talk to someone haven’t come to anything because everyone is too busy or not available. I think I will just give up and rely on the conflicting advice on websites.

But thank you all for trying to help

[bantam12 in reply to Chaika]

To be honest if he only had surgery yesterday there isn't much they can tell you other than he's doing ok, in the early days as long as nothing desperately untoward happens it's just a waiting game while he recovers.

Try not to stress yourself out, save your energy for when he comes home.

[Maisie2014]

Don’t stress Chaika we’re all here for you.