I am new to this forum and this is my first post. I hope that this post does not upset anyone or cause any offence. Sorry it is quite long as well.
My partner died 3 weeks ago of congestive heart failure. He was 77. He had not said anything to me about feeling unwell. He had a quadruple bypass surgery in 2002. Prior to this he had been getting very short of breath and could not keep up a normal pace when walking. I urged him to go to the Doctors and when he did they said he was a very urgent case for bypass surgery and within weeks he was taken in. Following the surgery and his recovery he felt brand new and it made a massive difference to him. He has always worked manually and outdoors and so has always been pretty fit and healthy for his age. And so after surgery he went back to normal.
The first I knew recently of any issues were that 12 days before he died he woke me at 2am one morning and told me he couldn’t breath and to call him an ambulance. He told me to stay at home at that he would message me with any news. He was discharged the following day and they told him that he had fluid on his lungs. He was given medication for it. Following this he stayed in bed saying he felt unwell. Not having any idea about heart failure I started thinking that it was pneumonia that he had. He collapsed at home 3 weeks ago today and never regained consciousness despite a lengthy resuscitate attempt by emergency services.
I was completely perplexed by his death and what had caused it. His post mortem confirmed CHF. It’s only since he died that I have spoken to people who have told me things which clearly indicate that he was struggling with his breathing and his mobility but he had managed to keep this from me. What I wanted to ask of someone who has CHF is is it really possible for him to have these problems and yet not really be aware of them or of their severity? I am struggling to get my head round losing him seemingly without any warning or indication that he had any issues of this nature. And he most certainly had never mentioned anything to me at all. I would be grateful for any discussion which throws some light on this. Many thanks.
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Grismold
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Firstly, I really am very sorry for your loss & its normal to want to know answers when you lose someone unexpectedly. The answer to your question is yes, it is possible to have had HF and not be aware of it or the severity of his condition. Breathlessness & fluid on the lungs are certainly signs of HF but many health professionals also mis-diagnose as other conditions can also cause these symptoms. As an example my husband passed out on a plane & had several dizzy spells whilst on holiday. When we got back to the UK we saw a locum who sent him to hospital where he was diagnosed with HF, when we next saw his GP he told us he would have just put it all down to a faint! I think it's likely your partner knew he was poorly but probably didn't realise how poorly. Sometimes symptoms creep up on us gradually without us being aware & they become normal. I often say to my husband how breathless he sounds but he doesn't realise it as its become his norm. Please don't feel that you have in any way missed something, unfortunately things always look different after an event. My very best wishes to you x
Hi there thank you so much for your reply. Obviously at the moment I am desperately searching for answers as none of it really makes any sense to me. Given the things I’ve been told by others since he died I feel certain that he must have known that he had health issues but I just can’t fathom why he didn’t go to the Doctor again. And of course I don’t really understand why he has tried to pretend to me that everything is fine when clearly it hasn’t been. Thanks for answering that’s very interesting that you think it possible for him to not have realised himself the severity of his issues. One of the slightly earlier symptoms was a cough. I told him to go to the doctor and get it checked out but of course he didn’t. He was a lifelong pipe smoker and I wondered if he perhaps was worried that he might have cancer and so put off going. I know that in some sense it pointless to speculate but knowing more about this will help with my processing of what’s happened. xx
Maybe the cough was of some concern, some times not knowing for sure is easier than facing the actual reality of knowing something for definite, we always imagine the worse. I totally understand your need to know, I've also lost someone very close unexpectedly. We feel if we can understand the "whys" then it's easier to accept, sadly it is all part of the grieving process. I hope you have good support at this difficult time x
A near relative of mine (42) collapsed and died very suddenly. He was fit - played squash, not overweight and been ski-ing few months earlier. No symptoms but, a copy of the post mortem showed arteries were down to a pin point, he was on statins as his dad had died young (58) no one could believe what happened.
While in hospital he would have been reassured that the doctors etc thought him well enough to be discharged within a day with appropriate medication.
So sorry for your loss it's comes as such a shock when so unexpected
Wow my goodness me that is shocking. Such a young man and who sounds like he had a healthy lifestyle as well. So from your answer it does seem feasible that my partner may not have realised the severity of his health problems (I have trouble accepting the notion that he didn’t have any idea as clearly his breathing and mobility were compromised. But from what you have said and also Lezzers post it’s does seem possible that he didn’t realise his issues were life threatening. Sorry about your relative as I imagine at that age he probably had a young family as well. Terrible. Thanks for your answer though. xx
No problem - this forum is all about sharing and helping one another.
So many heart "symptoms" appear different to each individual and can mask heart failure etc. I have found the experiences of others on this forum very interesting and, if you scroll through you will I am sure find others have had/gone through/going through similar situation.
You can have peace of mind that you were there for your husband when he needed you most - his recovery from heart surgery and his recent hospital admission.
Yes that’s true thank you. I was also with him when he died as well. I agree I am looking forward over the coming days and weeks to reading through some of the other posts and drawing some support from other people’s experiences. I’m really glad I found it and signed up to join. xx
I am so sorry for your lost. So many, including me, think they have a bronchial infection when they get fluid on the lungs. I managed to call 111 and explain and had fluid removed. We associate heart with pain so it's not easy to differentiate between chest and heart problems. My husband has heart failure but didn't work out that I had it too. Because I had a weightiness on my chest but no pain he accepted I wasn't feeling so well but I didn't tell him how unwell because I didn't want to worry him. It shows how much he cared for you. You could not have guessed or worked it out without some very good clues. I didn't when my husband had his heart attack. He hid it well. Look after yourself. I hope you have close family to help. X
Thanks for your response. Yes that’s exactly what happened to me. Even after he’d been to hospital and they told him he had fluid on his lungs I assumed that they meant he had pneumonia or some other bronchial affliction. You are lucky to have had your lung fluid removed. My partners was quite significant and he also had oedema to the lower half of his body. However I only know this because he made a comment to me about how he thought that he was putting some weight back on and that his legs looked a bit fatter. It’s only when I googled CHF that I realise what he was referring to was oedema. Well I feel slightly ashamed now that I did not realise what was going on but there just weren’t any clues. He hid it so well. Was your hubbys heart attack the first you knew of his heart issues?
Yes it was. I didn't have a clue but I knew when he collapsed in the garden what it was and called 999 immediately and that did save his life but it didn't stop the damage to his heart so though he is still going the quality of his life is very poor in fact he is house bound.
Thanks for your response. Wow I’m so sorry to hear of your husbands loss of the quality of his life. That must be frustrating and hard for him and it must also be difficult for you because he will no doubt be reliant on you as his carer. When my partner collapsed I called emergency services and they spent a long time trying to resuscitate him but to no avail. Looking at my situation philosophically I do think, having done a lot of googling and reading since he died, that he was at the point in his life whereby if he had been resuscitated and lived he would have been in a position whereby his quality of life diminished significantly. My partner has always worked outdoors and done physically demanding jobs and has always been very active and capable. We have got 3 horses and due to him not saying anything about how unwell he was he was still doing all the chores in relation to the horses up until 12 days before he died. I do honestly believe that a life of just sitting indoors all day everyday without any real ability to go and do anything or to go out and socialise with others would not have been what he wanted and how he would have chosen to spend the last years of his life.
I'm pleased that you see it that way. It will help you deal with the loss. My husband sits in his chair for 12 hours morning and evening and is in bed for the other 12 afternoon and night. He has a pacemaker which keeps his heart ticking 60 p.m. but it's no life. He has an m.g. car not driven for 3 years and a garage full of unfinished projects. It's very hard to look after him and see this very different man the same day in and day out. He's on dygoxin now which strengthens the heart but the rest of him is failing. I'm not saying this for sympathy but because there is another side to a story and it's good to know.
Sorry for your loss. I tend to hide how bad I'm feeling from my husband. It's not right and it's not fair. I will try my best to be honest with my husband in memory of yours. Everyone on here has been so supportive with me on here. Sending a hug for you. Please look after yourself.
Hi thanks for your response. Yes please do try and be honest with your husband about how you are feeling and where you are health wise or medically especially as you know you have health issues. Ignorance is not bliss when it leads to the sort of shock that I have just had and you deny your husband the right to try and help you or be there for you emotionally as well as preventing him from preparing himself for a situation where your condition could worsen. I just wish I knew what had been going on with my partners health and I could have helped him so much more if I’d known but he had presented a front of soldiering on as though there weren’t any problems when in fact it’s clear now that was far from the truth.
Hello Grismold. So sorry to hear about your recent loss. I was diagnosed with heart failure when I was 31 and it came as a complete shock to me. I was pregnant at the time and assumed the tiredness, breathlessness and swollen ankles were just normal side effects of pregnancy. My condition was only picked up by a fluke (slightly abnormal heart rhythm spotted by a nurse who was taking my pulse at a run-of-the-mill check-up) and none of us, me or the doctors, expected the heart scan to show up anything out of the ordinary. I had gone to the appointment on my own, straight from work, by public transport and on foot. Apparently I was lucky to still be alive.
I think it's perfectly possible your partner didn't realise how unwell he was. Public awareness of heart failure and its symptoms is really poor. When my feet were swollen, it never once crossed my mind that it could be anything to do with my heart. Breathlessness and a cough can easily be attributed to some other ailment.
Glad to hear this forum has helped you. Sending you lots of love and I hope you can find the answers/acceptance you are looking for. X
Hi thanks for your response. You are very lucky that your issue was picked up at the time it was and that must have come as a huge shock to you especially given your age at the time. Do you have a family history of heart problems? I had detected my partners cough and in the last few weeks I had noticed he had started losing weight and I told him to go to the doctors. I was worried that he might have lung cancer but it never crossed my mind that it could have been heart disease. Even when he died I thought initially that maybe he had pneumonia. I agree totally that public awareness of heart failure and the symptoms is very poor which is a shame as it is one of the biggest causes of death in older people. Thanks for what you’ve said it’s helpful xxx
I had back pain and went to a respected physiotherapist who gave me exercises to do during the night, which was when the pain was worst. I faithfully performed them but they didn’t relieve the excruciating pain. I also stood for many hours with my head through the window to get air as my breathing was bad. After six days I went to A&E and was diagnosed with extreme heart failure and pulmonary oedema. After a week of iv furosemide I was over a stone lighter and at least knew what the problem was. If I hadn’t gone to the hospital the outcome could have been very different, but it just shows that sometimes people don’t realise the seriousness of their problems.
I wish you all the best and will be thinking of you. X
Hi thanks for what you’ve written. It seems from what you and others have said that it could have indeed been the case that he did not realise how seriously ill he was. The only thing I could say looking back was that for the last 6-9 months of his life he did seem to have a slight air of sadness about him that I just intuitively picked up but I could never really put my finger on why I was picking this up. I don’t know whether he knew his time was running out and just chose not to say or do anything out of fear or whether he genuinely had no idea himself how unwell he was until the very late stages. Thanks for your message anyway xxx
I was was diagnosed with Dilated Cardiomyopathy, which is a form of heart failure, and consider myself very lucky that it was found. I had trouble breathing one night and went to the doctor, as I thought i had a lung infection. Luckily they noticed that my heart was racing and after loads of tests had diagnosed DCM. I was very lucky! many people have a diagnosis of asthma or similar, and only find out later that it was in fact heart failure.
There is very little comfort we can offer you, but you cannot blame yourself for missing this (trained doctors miss these symptoms) and it is probable that your partner didn't know the extent of his condition either.
Hi there thanks for your reply. You were very lucky to get to the bottom of your problem in time by the sounds of it. I am coming round to the idea that my partner did not realise how unwell he was. If the difficulty in breathing and finding any sort of exertion difficult due to clogging of the heart plumbing I imagine that this would develop gradually over time so it is possible that he had just been living with it without realising that it was progressively getting worse. Thank for posting xxx
We all can make an earnest attempt to assuage your feelings but time alone is the best healer for your invaluable loss.
Sudden death in CHF is very uncommon without symptoms. Coranary artery disease or ischemia is also a one among the cause for CHF. CAD can cause sudden death pursuant to massive cardiac arrest arising out of blockages. An inherited condition of CHF may also cause sudden death. He must have suffered from shortness of breadth while lying down or waking up from sleep with no breadth (PND) There would have been swelling over his abdomen, ankles & feet. He must have been completely tired and should have felt short of breadth even while bending down. Constipation, loss of appetite and depression are also common symptoms of CHF.
And above all there are cases of CHF with no symptoms at all as only an echocardiograph & the ejection fraction (pumping capacity of the heart) will reveal it's presence.
However, in my humble opinion I am of the considered view that only a massive cardiac arrest due to blockage would have been the cause of death notwithstanding the existence of the underlying condition of CHF.
Despite all of the above, we can visulasise and understand the outstanding love he had on you since he didn't even reveal his slightest inabilities & sufferings. Very hard to find such a blessed soul in these self centered days.
In view of foregoing, my deep worry is about your health since it is very common to ignore our health at these difficult times.
Please do take care of your health and again I repeat TIME IS THE BEST HEALER FOR THESE SCARS and time is on your side. We pray the ALMIGHTY to shower his choicest blessings on you and ameliorate your sufferings at the earliest
Hi there thanks for your appraisal and response. I would be inclined to agree with you completely. One of the things I hadn’t said is that in addition to the water on the lungs the hospital also told him that he had an arrhythmia which from what I can make out is often the cause of a sudden heart related death. Yes you are correct he did have problems in the final couple of weeks with breathlessness even at rest and also with swelling. Unfortunately at the time neither of us realised the significance of these issues. He did have problems with constipation and loss of appetite and I do believe he was slightly depressed as I found intuitively he had an air of sadness about him that I could not explain even though he seemed to be acting normally. Bless you for what you have said about him. You are spot on. He was a very kind and caring gentleman who would always put himself out for those he loved. Thank you so much for your answer xxx
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