Hi everyone, l have been away for a while but needed to chat today. Does anyone dread memories of the past when you were a different person full of fun, life and carefree? Two years ago this November before Sepsis, severe endocarditis AVR and pacemaker and close to death before my redo l was running around LEGOLAND like a gazelle with my wonderful Sons and Grandchildren. Every time l see the advert on TV l feel so depressed that the woman l was is gone, its like a bereavement. Plus l am still having flashbacks about all l endured for 92 days in hospital. l feel so guilty and don't want to bore my family because my patched up heart is fine all scans are good and people tell me l look back to my old self. They cannot see the scars l wear inside. Does anyone feel the same or is it me being a martyr? Take care all x
Legoland advert dread.: Hi everyone, l... - British Heart Fou...
Legoland advert dread.
hello,
welcome back. Yes lots of us feel like that, and feeling that all you do is burden if you say you feel different, unwell or just having a bad day. You suffered more than most with the complications, the after effects of those complications and the three whole months inside hospital must have felt like an eternity.
Have you sought counselling? Discussed your feelings with your GP? I would suggest you are suffering from depression and would advise, indeed plea for you to go and see someone, you need to open up and tell someone how you feel rather than keeping it to yourself. Its not easy but from first hand experience it really does help.
take care
Mark
Thanks Mark you have always given me great advice. l have a brilliant best friend and we talk endlessly and l did think l had conquered the depression. l also have spoken to a adviser at the Sepsis trust he was lovely, he said that severe sepsis and sepsis shock affects the brain as well as the heart which is what l had and you need time to heal. Everything was going so well until l kept seeing that F*****g advert!! Thanks for your reply, l hope you are doing ok! Sue x
I'm doing OK thanks and forgive me now because I'm going to laugh at your description "f****** advert"
And please don't stay away so long
Take care Mark
I feel exactly like that. I had dreadful Dreams while I was on the ventilator (for 8 days) and flash back to them.
I try to be positive but I am so anxious now. It was only four months ago and everyone tells me I look well.
I know I am not, and never will be, the same again
Good morning and thanks for your reply. lt is early days for you and l know the anxiety you feel and to be honest you will never be the same again just a bit different, it takes over a year to accept that for some people, including me. l have a great capacity for "putting up" with things but the relentless mental torture is the hardest of all. My flashbacks were mostly about poo for some weird reason, some were so horrific l have never told anyone, l was also convinced the nurses were running a laundry on the quiet and l was a pain in the neck. l told a lovely nurse she was a robot and not to get near me or l would bite her to see if she would bleed to prove my point. When l first became ill they put me in an induced coma all over Xmas on life support and l have read that many patients get post traumatic stress after being ventilated in ICU. l devised a list of goals when l came home eg- Learn to walk unaided, finish a sentence without pausing, peg the washing out unsupervised, remember things and learn to spell again, sleep with my Husband and let him see my open heart scars, cook a meal and use a knife without thinking l would bleed to death on warfarin, get on the back of my Husbands motorbike and most importantly get pissed on wine and not cry for my dead dogs. All of these and more l have achieved so l hope my journey helps you, its a long road but you must tell yourself it can be done. Buy loads of coloured shoes, eat loads of chocolate and drink a vineyard of wine along the way. Many people on this site have really helped me, talk to the heart stars here, they are wise little Guru`s. Take care x
I sympathise totally. My heart failure came on after I had been in a coma for almost 3 months, had been given up on by the medics and my relatives advised to switch off the life support on several occasions. I had been on holiday in Orlando Florida with my son, his wife and their little girls and like you, I had been running about, doing all sorts of fun things with them. I became ill near the end of the holiday and was admitted to hospital on my return to the UK. Once heart failure came, just weeks after coming out of the coma, I could barely walk never mind run and I’m still the same today. Also, like you, there are adverts on all the time for Disneyland in Orlando, piercing my heart and brain with painful memories. I am tortured with thought about not seeing the grandchildren grow up and so many more horrible thoughts and resentments but I know that there is nothing that I can do. I try to stay positive and not to think about the future but I understand how hard it is. Seems just so unfair and cruel. My thoughts are wth you. X
Thanks so much for your reply, please read my reply to Nanny72 l think it says it all. Take care.x
Ive not had all the health scares that you have, but yes, a fib has made a huge difference for good and bad in my life. Today, I just cancelled a Mothers Day trip to zoo I was invited on by kids and grandkids as it's supposed to be 95 degrees and I was afraid I wouldnt be able to tolerate all the walking and heat plus Im too proud to ride a scooter!
Im 65, so I feel changes in my body that is normal aging, then not trusting your heart to behave adds to the anxiety. They say not to let a fib lead your life, I try not to. Im much braver today than 2 yr ago.
Ok, the good side of getting a fib: It has made me realize the importance of acheiving the best health I can and even at that, life brings no guarantees for anyone. I try and appreciate what I have and not dwell on the past. Much easier said than done
Thanks for your reply, not to repeat myself please read my reply to Nanny72. Take care x
Thank you for your reply. My dreams involved an Hawaiin gangster running round the ward with a gun. My daughter and one of the doctors running a drug den and my grandson setting fire to my hair. Plus a reality show on the ward. All so very strange.
My beautiful granddaughter has lived with heart condition all her life but she doesn't let it define her. She is my inspiration.
I hope I can stop thinking about this valve not being part of me.
This forum helps a lot because I can't talk to my friends or even my husband about my anxieties
Love it, l will tell you the funniest things l said to my two amazing lCU nurses. When one asked me what l did for work (l am a Nursery Nurse) l replied that l was an actress in CASUALTY and l was an extra and they were filming in the hospital. When she asked me what character l played l told her "Duh! its so obvious, Woman patient in intensive care." She did think it was funny. l also told my Hero Consultant Surgeon who saved my life twice "Get out of my face" when he leaned over me, and thankfully he thought it funny too.
julie
SVT “attack”. How long does it take to feel ‘Normal’ again? 
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