Last week l attended an unexpected appointment with a new Cardiologist who explained although l was discharged from surgical out patients l would still be seen every two years by Cardiac out patients which made me feel very secure. Much to my relief all seemed well and l'm due a Echo soon, he did insist any dental work be proceeded with antibiotics because if l got another infection it would be very hard to overcome with my complicated situation. l asked my close friend "J" to come in with me because sometimes under stress l don't retain all the information. Just before we were called she said " you're not going to rattle on about how you nearly died 25 thousand times are you,"(twice actually with my heart, or four if you count two separate breast cancer operations 20 and 25 years ago) l felt quite hurt even though she was smiling when it was said it l knew it was meant. Perhaps l have become a bore and l now wonder if my mates dread asking me how l am after three years, l am seeing my mates this Friday for a "girls" night and am worried in case they are all thinking "here she goes again, boring the ass off us all with her tales of all she's been through" Anyone else feel the same or is it just me? l will just talk about shoes, wine, and chocolate to keep everyone happy and not bore them from now on!!! Take care, Sue.
Have l become a Cardiac bore? - British Heart Fou...
Have l become a Cardiac bore?
A bore? Yes, there is a danger. I am losing weight and have improving numbers. However, a friend has joined Slimming World and constantly goes on how many syns food contains. We went out as a group for a meal before Christmas and everybody's plate was analysed! SW make no sense to me as certain things as syn free but still have quite a few calories, e.g. bananas, their syn free meals in Iceland. Yes, people can become boring!
Maybe we do become a bit repetitive.....
But another view might be that she didn’t want you to waste valuable time with a Cardiologist, when they could concentrate better on the ‘here and now’ .......... past issues that might be hugely significant to you, but that detail maybe not what your friend thought would make a helpful consultation, when the Drs time is limited.
Hi, thanks for your reply l get that, but to be honest l hardly ever say a word when l see Doctors, just listen and answer questions, That is the first time "J" has ever been in a Consulting room with me, and the last. Take care Sue.
Hi Sue. Unfortunately people don’t understand how having heart disease and major cardiac events affects us. So they don’t see beyond the words and the outer ‘mask’ which for most of us looks ‘well’! It’s difficult isn’t it. I think having one or two people that I confide in my true emotions and to the rest I say ‘yup am good better than I was’ etc helps. Also really grateful to this site for us being able to post when we have bad days. I find writing poetry has also helped get my thoughts and feelings out.
As to the night out with the girls talk about everything and anything you want. Worrying about what others will think is inhibiting and wasted energy! Alternatively pick a topic like the hibernating habits of an African Tree Frog or the time it takes to travel to Mars and see how long it takes for them to ask you how you’re doing!!
Enjoy your night and never bother about others finding you a bore. You are a valued member here and I truly value you and your experience and contributions to this site. Sending big hugs and lots of love. Zena xx
Thanks Zena, l too value your words, advice and virtual friendship, we have come a long way together mate. Perhaps this was a wake up call and l will limit my moaning to very, very, close friends. l am now off to research African tree frogs and the secret ingredient in KFC chicken. Wish me well, it could take a while! thanks for your continued support. Lots of love Sue xxx
I know what you mean. I tell my friends the latest about my heart condition when they ask how I am then I see their eyes glaze over and I realise I’ve lost them 🤣
We are taking our grandson to the Design Museum to see an exhibition about the possibility of living on Mars. It finishes this week but would make a good piece of research for you!
Enjoy your night out and ignore unhelpful comments!
Don't worry bout what others think, these events are massive to you & are what has shaped your life. They have probably made you more aware & sympathetic towards others who have issues in their lifes whereas your friend is very fortunate that she's not had to face these issues herself!
I remember someone asking bout my husband and as I started talking someone else said I've heard this story and so wandered off!! 😂
that’s the one i hate the most. it’s downright rude and so disheartening. just think how much wisdom they’re missing out on by not listening. i know if i had someone with a wealth of experience in cardiac issues or indeed anything who knows what iv could have helped me with or even prevented. i’d go with the frogs 🤣
How rude, lets hope it never happens to them or their loved ones. This friend "J" has no patience for most people. When l told her about a distant friend who had just had a heart attack out of the blue and was saved by stents she replied she didn't want to hear anything about illness because it was her Birthday and wanted to enjoy it. The irony was that it was my Birthday too, we were born on exactly the same day and exactly the same year. l think we are all different, she has never had any illness except a nosebleed once which she thought was terminal, but you've got to laugh. Take care, Sue.
Hi thanks for reply, let me know if Mars is a possibility its got to be more interesting than Crematorium village where l live, and probably has more signs of life!!! Take care ,Sue.
I've found that people are desperate for me to say I am better now....or even 'back to normal'.That second one infuriates me as there is no returning to normal, just adapting to the changes.A friend asked me how my CT angiogram went.As I related how stressful I found it, all she could say was that it was 'all over' now.I find people only want to hear you are OK which is where this forum is an absolute winner.It sounds like you've been through a lot but it is good that cardiology are keeping an eye on you.
Wise words, l think it takes along time to adjust to becoming a different "me", over two years in my experience. Until you walk a mile in any of our shoes you cannot possibly understand no matter how hard you try. This is where this site saved me because people offer empathy, support and advice, they are the only ones who know how to help in the very darkest of times, especially with the horrendous mental torture of depression and flashbacks. l am out of the tunnel now as l put in a previous post and l will not be dragged back in again but l easily could if l let things said fester inside. One elderly Auntie said to me "have you got over your little upset yet? l know how you feel my fridge freezer broke and l had to go out every day for fresh milk!!!" l did find that hilarious, bless her. Take care, Sue
Oh dear, 'little upset'...quite an understatement.It is quite a journey to acceptance I've found but it sounds like you are doing really well.I had some CBT which helped but this site has definitely helped more.
I'm spending 3+ years going on about my heart as a full-time job. If you're a bore, what does that make me?! 😂 I think if there are stories we repeat then it's for a reason - most likely because we're still trying to process/make sense of them. Keep going (and going on) Sue! X
Nice to see you !!!
Lovely to hear from Laura dropstitch - it's been too long since you posted. How;s the course going?
Hi, you know you helped me SO much in my darkest times. l will call you "Saint Laura the Good" hope you like your title, you have never been a bore. So nice to hear from you. Lets both keep going and going. Love Sue xxx
Morning folks,
This is a very difficult subject, some people will look at it as your " Fixed " get over it !! Others will have a different view especially if someone close has been through a trauma ( Heart Attack, Cancer, etc.)
I suppose from a personal point of view the only people involved in Me are my Wife and Me. I only share anything if Asked and then only relate to myself not So and So had a Heart Attack and passed on. Difficult to put into words but simply " Keep it to yourself unless asked to share "
On here we all share because we are all in the same boat, and sometimes that sharing is very much a Support tool for others who are going through this journey.
Regards
I'd consider the source - and I'm thinking the source has issues of her own. Either she's worried about her own heart health, worried you're going to lose the fight, or she's just not a very understanding person in the first place.
Sorry to sound so blunt but in all honesty I think I'd find a different friend to go to appointments with - the second someone said to me 'You're not going to...' I'd lose all confidence that person would pay attention during the meeting well enough to remind me later of any points I'd missed.
If it helps any, I love my husband to the moon and back but he's the worst for 'Oh not again?' - I know better now and I don't take him in with me. Lol, the cardiologist spent 45 minutes with my husband a few months ago explaining my conditions and limitations - over and over and over until he saw the 'right amount of fear' in my husband's eyes thus signifying Dear Husband (DH) 'got it'. It worked, I don't hear that 'Oh not again!' whenever I'm too wiped out to (insert activity here). But...I still don't bother taking DH into appointments with me as he 'eyeball glazes' within seconds of sitting down with the cardiologist.
As for being a cardiac bore, like many of the others replying here, I too determined not to be that person 'We love her but she does go on about her health.'. I say nothing more than 'Better now, thank-you for asking', and save my 'going on about' for here where people are going through the same or worse and will understand - patiently.
Hi, that is good advice thanks, my Husband works so l tend to take my very best friend "S" but she was unavailable this time. On the other side of the coin our eldest Son went with my Husband to see the Consultant when l was gravely ill three years ago and produced a spread sheet of my treatment, progress and all possible surgeries ,outcomes, treatments and prognosis. He is very clever earns a fortune, and works on Quantum Maths and Probability with HS2 and various other railways within health and safety, goodness knows where he gets his brains from. Anyway luckily my Consultant liked him a lot but it could have been different he might have thought he was a bigoty know it all, my point is don't say too much off course in the Consultants room if you are a family member or friend. l am going to take all this advice from people and rein in my moaning! Take care, Sue.
To be clear - I don't think you qualify in the slightest as a cardiac bore. I've read many of your posts, comments and replies and nothing I've read from you in any way brings you even slightly close to being a moaner. If you're like this here on the forum I strongly suspect you're the same offline - so not a cardiac bore, and your 'friend' was/is (just my opinion) out of order for making you think you might be.
As for sons - it must be a maths thing. My son's 'hobby' is quantum physics, he pays his bills teaching stats at the local high school (he lives in the USA). And when I first started having more trouble with my heart he did a phone consult with my cardiologist then the next day he emailed me a spreadsheet
Sons, cannot do without them (or daughters, I've got one of those too )!
Sorry l missed replying to your post, thank you. How spooky that you have a Son who is similar to mine, l call my family "Boyzone" because we have two Sons and three Grandsons, not a girl in sight, just as well l love boys!!! l have decided to ignore any negative comments from people and focus on the future. My friend "J" has quite a boring unfulfilled life so l think she takes it out on others. lts easy to drown in someone elses misery but l will not do that, its taken too long to swim out of my own! This site has always given me such wonderful support, l don't know what l would do without all you guys. At present l have just started to learn French online, with a free site called Duolingo prior to our trip on the motorbike in Sept to Normandy, only problem is when we are there they are holding a massive food festival all week so l will come home looking like a buffalo! Take care, hope your life continues to be Sunnie2day and everyday, Sue.
Hi kefalonia1
A good question!
I really try not to be, when I see someone for the first time since my trip to the Heart and Chest Hospital and they ask , I've lightly run through what happened and then say that I am OK, adjusting to my new life and doing well.
I've never been ill in my life prior to December 2018, and while I don't think I lacked empathy with someone who had a serious illness, I probably never understood the significance of what that illness/long term condition entailed. I do now get it, I fully understand what it all entails and I think am more empathetic as a result.
I think we frighten some people, we're a reminder of our and their mortality. Death is something we don't want to talk about and try to ignore, and then one of us turns up who have had a heart attack/cardiac arrest and against the odds are still here, and they look at us and wonder will it happen to them. Perhaps the friend you took to the appointment falls into this category and is disturbed by the issues surrounding cardiac illness and as a defence mechanism makes light or becomes dismissive. I know a few people who simply are not able to even broach the subject with me, the best I've got is a "you OK" - I've picked up from that that they just can't go there!
I know that my episode has massively affected two of my friends who have given up smoking and made a few changes to their lifestyles on the basis of "it could happen to me".
So how people react in these circumstances come from both ends of the spectrum.
That's the beauty of this forum, we can all vent our spleen about how good or bad we feel and as we're all on the same journey we'll get an understanding and empathetic response.
You have such a gift for words, what a understanding response, so true, thanks for the advice. Why don't you start a blog? Take care, Sue.
After reading your story I do not think you are becoming a bore and remember a true friend will always be there to listen and assist. I feel that the cardiologist was a bit abrupt and don't get me wrong sometimes the beside manner doesn't work for everyone but her attitude to everything you have been through could have been dealt with more professionally. I wouldn't like to see how she would handle speaking to someone/family about a terminal illness. Hope you are feeling OK and if friends ask how you are don't be afraid to speak up. Remember a problem shared is a problem solved
Thank you, take care, Sue.
I definitely wouldn't take her in again, she'll knock your confidence for one thing. I know some people like that very self indulgent, one was put on asprin it was the end of the world., so dramatic. 🙄 Take care. Xx
I asked an elderly lady is this the bus to the countess hospital.She said yes but don’t sit with me I don’t want to know about illness I have enough with my own . I laughed all day still makes me smile take care xxx
Hi, l completely agree with your reply to Lezzers, sorry you have been through similar health issues like me. lt takes a long time to get your head around the unfairness of it all, the double wammy hits you like a bus. l know people who are little s**ts to everyone in their lives and never have any health issues. A wise old woman once told me that God only fills your wheelbarrow up with as much as you can push. That may be true but l'm all pushed out now as l'm sure you are and many others on this site. Nowadays l try and find humour in life and live in "the here and now". Yesterday my 8 year old Grandson asked me if l was alive in 1896 which l thought was hilarious, but deep down l feel like l was after all l've been through (what a martyr l've become, get the violins out, how dumb) Bye for now, have a good happy weekend, Sue.
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