Lack of tolerance!: This is trivial... - British Heart Fou...

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Lack of tolerance!

kefalonia1 profile image

This is trivial post but l am interested to know if anyone else feels the same. Since my AVR, Pacemaker, endocarditis and sepsis and 92 days in hospital most people irritate me. l was in Lidl and a young woman coughed all over the open bakery counter without covering her mouth, l wanted to scream at her" you could have a infection and now you have spread it! " Then my Husbands friend who had a upset tummy said he was worried he might have sepsis like me.(He managed to drink 8 pints of lager) l had to walk away or l would have hit him, he is always dying of something because he has a medical dictionary at home. l cannot put up with anything that bugs me after my illness. Even my Husband says l have no tolerance for anything except my young Grandchildren. l am 9 months post op and it seems to be getting worse, its even affecting my 38 year marriage. Has anyone got any advise please? Sue x

54 Replies

gosh...I am so with you on the inconsiderate 'people irritate me' thing. Like you, I learnt how to just walk away. But eventually, and thankfully, I finally realised that a smile can portray a thousand meanings....especially with the odd raised eyebrow here and there! The act of using the muscles to smile also made me deal with it better.

kefalonia...looking at your recent posts, I believe that this has been 'brewing' inside of you for a while. Do you think it may be one of or a combination of your medication?

Also, how much sleep....deep sleep....are you getting? Has your husband ever said anything about you snoring or similar at night?....reason for asking is that poor sleep can cause irritability. And sleep apnea can do this.

I hope that I have not irritated you....but really think that seeing your GP about this is important.

thinking of you...take care

kefalonia1 profile image
kefalonia1 in reply to Ktomoph_

Thanks for your reply honey, of course you havn`t irritated me. l do have poor sleep quality but l just watched a ad on tv for guide dogs where a man had sepsis lost half his arm and went completely blind l now feel guilty for moaning because although my sepsis was the most severe strain, l came out of it after a long life threatening battle unscathed except for my AVR and pacemaker.So many lovely people on this site have far more things to put up with than me l know.! Take care, Sue x

skid112 profile image
skid112Heart Star

Hi Sue, forgive me but I had to laugh. My family say my filter has been turned off, I do tell it as it is rather than hand over mouth.

Yes it has caused some 'fun times' as well as copious apologies.

I seem to have taken on a personal vendetta at the county council and a rather large, i wont name them but every little helps, grocery store who have opened a convenience store. Its own car park but surrounded by double yellows as its on a hill and a bend but all and sundry park illegally.

Work, oh dear, I am now known as the honest man, for shame does that mean I lied for a living? As I refuse requests for endless meetings and ask that minutes are sent to me so I can better spend my time.

The list is seemingly endless, but slowly I am learning to bite my tongue and just say things in my head, doesn't help with the venting and my wife of 30 years just rolls her eyes, or says like 'leave it, does it affect you personally'


Hi Mark, you made me laugh too! Even peoples sayings bug me, like the woman in a local shop who calls me" darling". l am not her darling, l don`t even like her, shes a gossip, ugly and has big whiskers on her chin which she doesn`t even bother to put veet on, she must like the Chewbacca image. Also the man in the post office who calls me "pet" l already feel like a dog after my experiences and do not want it aired all around the village, anyway he has "dogs breath" which is revolting and hes ugly too! Lack of tolerance rearing its head again. Take care Sue x

Plum53 profile image
Plum53 in reply to kefalonia1

Oh dear I can see you are on a roll now lol. Let it all out.. You and skid made me smile 🙂

Dear Sue,

Totally get where you are coming from.......sitting here with a filthy cold kindly donated by my beloved husband. Nothing I could do to avoid this bug but do find myself in a high state of concern about getting further bugs and a recurrent endocarditis. The fear is real and totally understandable. ...

I love your story about the man with the gastro upset managing 8pints....I could not manage 2 pints of water at one time.

I understand the lack of patience with other people, my turn for a rant. My personal hate is having to walk through a crowd of smokers at doorways . They crowded around near the hospital door and if I had had more energy at the time I would be shouting at them to stop - heart surgery is not funny or easy and I was fit and healthy just apparently born with a wrongly shaped valve not damaging myself with cigarettes.

I working so hard to get fit again and it saddens me that I am now fitter that many of the population. I just want to tell the over weight people to move a bit more and get off their sofas. If they only realised what they might avoid.

Rant over for a wee while.


laura_dropstitch profile image
laura_dropstitchHeart Star in reply to Mary_Janet

I was really angry at everyone for the first couple of years after my diagnosis, especially people who were taking no care of themselves (very obese, obvious drug users, smokers etc) who would nevertheless be pregnant and pushing another baby or two in a pram/buggy. It doesn't upset me so much now, I figure their lives are probably not great and their good health/good luck will surely run out soon enough, I wouldn't want to trade places with them, so no point in feeling jealous or angry. I would also be really sensitive to people's comments (mostly moans) regarding their own health or criticising the NHS or moaning about how hard it is to be pregnant/have more then one child... I'm not sure what made me stop being so irritable. Could be antidepressants or hormone changes, or it could just be acceptance of my situation and being able to feel more content with my lot? I think it's worth speaking to your GP about these feelings. If they are related to medication, it would be good to see if you could sort them out. It's hard to be happy if you are constantly criticising people, even if only in your own mind. And it doesn't make you (make one!) great company either! It'd be rubbish to come through such a huge health event only to spend your hard-earned life feeling pissed off all the time.

Hi Laura, great reply honey, yes l do feel pissed off all the time. Before l was ill l had an amazing capacity for "putting up with things" l put my family first in everything l did but now l cannot do that. Most men are selfish but now when l look back l realise l gave, gave, gave! all the time and my attitude has completely changed after l came so close to death twice. l think where l live doesn`t help. lts a sleepy village with the majority of people being old, grumpy and nosey l call it Crematorium village, we have been here 18 years and l never feel like its "home" but my Husband wont move back to where we used to live and where all my friends are because he loves it here, even after all that has happened to me l find that selfish. He has his motorbike and gang of motorbike riders around him and the village pub where its like "last of the summer wine" Good for him, l am very close to leaving! So sorry to rant but its easier with strangers thanks for listening. Take care, love Sue xxx

Hi Sue,

You should start a facebook blog it would be a massive hit. I mean "crematorium village". Thats hilarious. I've thouroughly enjoyed reading your posts.

I'm come to realise in life that there are a hell of a lot of selfish, inconsiderate, self centered people in the world, however there are a lot of good ones, (Mainly on this site) like yourself.

Please continue with the rants as they cheer me up no end and provide great entertainment whilst I am recoverying from my bypass.



Thanks for your reply Nick, l am not on facebook. l don`t want my Lassie face shown to the world. Before l was ill l kept myself up together but its taking a long time for my appearance to recover after gallons of drugs pumped into my body. Pre illness builders would shout "hello dreamboat" to me, now they would say "not you SHIPWRECK" Take care, Sue x

No problem Dreamboat :-)

Wishing you a speedy recovery X

laura_dropstitch profile image
laura_dropstitchHeart Star in reply to kefalonia1

I've said it before, I'll say it again, Lassie is beautiful! :) I agree your posts are really funny. Why not start a blog? You could even do it anonymously, no need for names or photos. I'm sure lots of people would love to read your rants and it sounds like there's plenty of inspirational material in Crematorium Village! Do it, do it...and send us all the link! x

Maybe when l`m in a better place after Christmas. ln the meantime please read my reply to Kimlouise its all true Laura. Sue x

laura_dropstitch profile image
laura_dropstitchHeart Star in reply to kefalonia1


Hi Mary J, thanks for your reply, see my reply to Skid hopefully it will make you laugh especially as its true.Sue x

Hi Kefalonia1 I’m also right there with you. Since my AVR 16 weeks ago my tolerance button has been switched off. Last week I laid into my next door neighbours 15yr old daughter, she was talking to her mother with such disrespect and crying about how her life was hell, so I told her some home truths, later my husband said I’d gone over the top , I apologised the next day. My Mother-in-Law phones my husband Up to6 times a day with aches and pains , she had minor keyhole surgery 10 wks ago and told my husband that it serious operation more so than my open heart surgery she doesn’t like to be up staged lol Everyone around me seems to be miserable or have problems that are minor really, no wonder I’m depressed and starting therapy tomorrow . I’m hoping that one day I will feel compassion again for my fellow human beings, but for the moment I avoid as much as possible so I don’t upset or offend the little darlings or catch any of their germs , as I’m down with yet another cold.

So we can take comfort in knowing we are not alone. I better get ready for work, and practice my smile and keep my inner bitch locked away 😂 Kaz❤️💕❣️

kefalonia1 profile image
kefalonia1 in reply to KazSumm

Thanks for your reply, someone wrote some wise words on this site, they think and l agree, once they stop and restart your heart its never the same, your feelings are different. l wrote this to Laura but l will repeat it because like your mother in law, relatives say silly things. After hearing everything l went through my Auntie said she was glad l have got over my little upset! and she had the worse week of her life a while back. Her fridge freezer broke and she had to go out every day to buy fresh milk (how terrible, phone the police) l wanted to say who gives a s**t but l too kept my inner bitch locked up. Have a good day at work, Sue x

KazSumm profile image
KazSumm in reply to kefalonia1

Thanks it was me that said “your heart is not only your engine, but we also believe it’s our emotions, and when’s it’s stoped and restarted it never the same.” You’ve made me giggle 🤭 before I go to work

I’ve not been called wise before lol Kaz ❤️💕❣️


I think after being so ill , you tend to only have time and patience for things that really matter , like real illness !

It’s normal , I have found since my triple bypass , 3 months ago . I only want to be around genuine friends , people that matter .

After being so poorly , I think your outlook on life and people changes dramatically xxxxxx

Hi thanks for your reply, yes you are right. Please read my reply to Kaz hopefully it will make you smile! Sue x

That's the trouble with Lidl wouldn't happen in Waitrose

Quite right! x

I want to come to your village!! Sounds like a sitcom waiting to happen! Thanks for making us all laugh x

Sorry, only old ugly people waiting for God with hairy chins are allowed in !!! Glad l made people laugh. There is no crime in Crematorium village, except when some youth set fire to a bin at the recreation meadow. Rumours abound they sent in the anti terrorist squad to catch this criminal, but he escaped. lt was then splashed all over the parish newsletter (what senile decay is that!) He is probably on Scotland Yards most wanted list as we speak! Take care Sue x

That's me, or at least was me as well! Six months on from my cardiac arrest and subsequent ICD I'm a bit more like my older more tolerant self.

Lots of little thing really P'd me off. My wife not changing gear when the car was at 4000 revs, my kids ignoring me - instead of the 3 warnings it was down to 1, then extreme shouty mode, shouting at the tv (never did that before & I used to say 'you do know they can't hear you'...), showing obvious signs of disinterest when being told a really boring story about mates work/ how my wife's day has been.

Social etiquette was out the window and I would just be generally no were near as polite or indeed as tolerant as I used to be. To be honest I couldn't be arsed playing the game. That was how I was feeling and if something bugged me, I didn't care about expressing it! (Quite possibly symptoms of depression)?

Anyway fast forward 6 month and after a great family holiday I'm much more back to me old self. I now just tend to laugh smile or add a touch of wit to the things that were buggy me before, rather than shout and chuck the toys! It's fine to vent, but so much better to be as happy as you can...easier said than done if you're still really ill though, as my health (I think?) has greatly improved!

Hi Frank, thanks for your reply l am better physically but l try to avoid people who bore the pants off me. l think its also down to my star sign Saggi, we have the lowest capacity to endure boredom and boring people ( l managed 92 days in hospital only because l was drugged most of the time). l usually amuse myself if lm stuck with someone boring and imagine them dressed only in orange speedos tied on the back of one of the bulls at the farm in Crematorium village where l live! lt works every time.Sue x

Excellent...the thought of my rather aged mother-in-law in orange speedos on the back of a bull could invoke another trip to A&E! (Actually she's brilliant).

I'll try it with others though they may wonder why I'm laughing. As long as I don't get turned on...

Love it, love it. Made me laugh out loud on a slow grey day.

Good for you mate if you get turned on, surely that`s a bonus. Glad to help!!! Sue x

Geoff51 profile image
Geoff51Heart Star

As you can see by my picture i was a baker before retiring. There is nothing I dislike more than open unwrapped bakery products that can be handled by the customer. I am not a hygiene fanatic but I always wonder despite tongs provided how many people dont use them and handle half the products before selecting theirs. Have they washed their hands after the toilet, have they handled a trolley that has been used by someone that has not etc. I like you seem to be less tolerant of the terminally stupid, whether its my previous MI or just advancing years I dont know, but some people always want to be worse off than you.

kefalonia1 profile image
kefalonia1 in reply to Geoff51

Completely agree, l think contracting sepsis from a unknown source has made me more cautious, l spray everything with Dettol anitbac except the Grandchildren! Take care.Sue.

Hi Sue,

If you live in 'Crematorium Village' then I win because I live in a street in fact I'll go one better a Cul-de-sac and have 42 moaning, grumpy old 'I'm sicker than you brigade' over the age of 65 as neighbours. There are only two younger families here and I am one of those. Of course there are a few of them who are lovely, but the majority are 'rare breeds'. Too much to say about others and go on about their health. They are the creaking gates lot always sick, always at the doctors on a Monday morning when they only went on Friday. Sometimes I want to scream at them and say you don't know how lucky you are. Arrrgh! Good to have a rant than suffer in silence. Hope you can get help from GP X


kefalonia1 profile image
kefalonia1 in reply to Twobells

Not to pull you down Fran but l believe l can go one better. l too live in a Cul-de-sac next door to the horrid old people who have not spoken to us for 17 years because we built an extension bigger than theirs! They put on their Sunday best and visited our planning officer every week for two months trying to block our extension plans. Fortunately it drove the officer mad and he granted us permission and insisted we build a 6ft wall between the two properties to block out any view they had of our garden and the countryside beyond which suits us fine. lf we are unlucky enough to see them, they make a face like they are chewing a wasp. We have learned something funny about their Son though, when he was living at home they drove him mad and during one row he unfurled and wee`d all over the Christmas dinner.(wish it was on youtube). Still think you can beat Crematorium village? lol. Suex

Twobells profile image
Twobells in reply to kefalonia1

Most of my neighbours are horrid, but if your neighbour can drive their own son mad then you win. Lol. I find them irritating, but many of them have nothing better in their lives other than their own woes. I just hope that I never become like them. I hope you start to feel a bit better, but it took me a good 6 months to turn a corner, so for you it's still very early days.

Take Care

Fran x

kefalonia1 profile image
kefalonia1 in reply to Twobells

Cheers mate, Sue x

laura_dropstitch profile image
laura_dropstitchHeart Star in reply to kefalonia1

Can't stop giggling about the Christmas Day unfurling! 😂😂😂

But comply true! Little sh***s, they say that when horrid people get older they get worse . Very true!!!!

I know exactly what you mean. In 2015 I had a mastectomy and ended up in hospital twice with sepsis. I now will not eat any food samples in shops or buy anything where someone might have coughed sneezed or visited the toilet and not washed their hands before touching the food. I was in a large supermarket a few months ago with my daughter and we went to the toilet. She told me a shop assistant had just walked out of the toilet and gone straight back into the shop without washing their hands. It is disgusting. They don't realise how they spread germs. As for people who think they have all the ailments under the sun it drives me mad. A woman I know is the same as you husband's friend. My friends husband is bipolar and the next thing you know she has the same. A couple of years ago I was talking to her and I mentioned I had been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. She said oh I've never heard of that. Guess what she has got now. She reaserches things on the internet then goes to the doctors with all the symptoms. I just feel like screaming when she starts moaning about what's wrong with her. I can't sell her know have heart failure or she will be saying she as that as well. I suppose we just have to ignore them and let them get on with it.


kefalonia1 profile image
kefalonia1 in reply to Kaz58

l think you are right Kaz but its hard to ignore irritating people. Maybe you should try my solution for boring people. Picture them in nothing but orange speedos strapped on the back of a bull. Hope it works! Sue x

Hi Sue..... so know what you me a.. . And I am a saggi too.

I have not had the major surgery that you have.... but having had an ICD fitted 9 weeks ago... one of the salesmen came onto work last week.. . Sat opposite me coughing and spluttering.... didn'

Oops... didn' even put his hand over his mouth. I gave him both barrels. Why come in when you can work from home... why try to infect the rest of us... and why oh why decide to sit nearest the one person with a dodgy heart .... which could make her very ill. He shuffled off a mumbling and a cough I g after that.

People in the office told me I was harsh... I told them I hadn even got started!!!

As for other people wanting the bit of one upmanship..... well I got my mother!! Firstly she wanted to come and look after me after my op.... but could I please delay it as she wanted a little trip to Portugal first. She needed a bit if r & r before she came to mine! Needless to say i looked after myself and left her to sun herself. If she ever asks how I am.... she doesn't wait for a reply but then goes straight into how her bad knee is playing up .... oh and she has a wobbly tooth..... lucky you is now my retort.

I now avoid her calls.... or say I am just heading out the door... for a run around the block.... then put the phone down.. . Feet up and watch Corrie.

I also now get very bored listening to people' minutia. I stare in the distance... completely switch off... and don' hang around to listen.

I have abandoned a whole group of "friends" who I suddenly realised post op were not for me. Whereas before I had put up with them because " they are nice people that mean well" " they may not be the most intelligent but their heart is in the right place"

I went from that thought process to " God she is thick and soooo boring...she drives me bloody mad" and " they whinge and MOAN and have no culture or intelligent thought in their heads"

And they kept telling me to get well soon so I could come out again and make them laugh!! What am I, a bloody clown.. a performing seal.... so I have cut them off.

And guess what I feel great...i feel empowered. I realise I have sat back and empathise and been that fun hilarious person.... but they aren'! I have listened and put up with whiny self centred and narrow minded people for too long.

I have moved on.... life is too short. I am grabbing it with both hands... even if it has to be from behind a sars mask to keep away from the germs.... as I run (ok walk briskly) off into the distance... with positive people... people who can hold an intelligent conversation....people who laugh out loud.... and can make me laugh too. In other words people who rejoice in life....and as I always say " the best revenge is to be happy"

Perhaps Sue Crematorium village needs to be shaken off.... grab hubby and bike, kicking and screaming if you have to, back to your old life with fun friends...

Hi Heartlady, great reply! l have tried to get Hubby to leave Crematorium village time and time again but there seems to be gates in and out of this place he will not cross, its like a invisible border control. l am staying with my best friend this weekend while Hubby goes to a bike show and am looking forward to talking about shoes, eating pizza, chocolate, and drinking a vineyard of wine! l am working on my tolerance levels but its hard, even the post lady bugged me yesterday by wearing shorts in November and exposing her revolting varicose veins for all to see. l don`t think people realise how easily infections are spread, sepsis is not air born its fluid spread, eg if you have a tiny wound and someone sneezes who is a carrier and the droplets land on a surface you touch you could get it but the worse thing is coins. The trouble is l have to get over this obsession with germs or it will drive me mad. l am now going out for a long walk, its early so l will avoid the six toed interbred people in this village. Take care, Sue x

Oh Sue.... it's webbed handed ones you need to steer clear of too. I laughed out loud at the son of neighbour "unfurling" 😂😂 hilarious. But again can't see what keeps your hubby there. .. he is being drugged by the 6 toed the local. It sounds more like wicker man by the minute ... just make sure there are no giant bonfires being built in the square!

Run straight to your friends and have a fab fun girlie weekend.... I am doing likewise .... off to the Cotswolds with my girlriend for a trip away from the madness that is our lives.

And just to add to our intolerance.. .. last night I heard a big bang and went out to find a huge trampoline on my garden ( I don'have a trampoline) that had crashed into my conservatory!!! Luckily it had not smashed the glass but had knocked off my guttering. When we found out whose trampoline it was.... and got him round to help remove it.... he whinge about having to clear it up from his garden in the morning!!!! And is moaning about having to pay for the repairs.... I feel a small claims court appearance coming on!!!

Aarrgg..... girlie weekend is the way forward Karen xxxx

Hi Karen, perhaps we could write a sitcom! l think it is a divine hint for you to buy a trampoline and jump about on it wearing nothing but orange speedos!! Sue xxx

Ha sue..... in his dreams maybe 😂😂😂

laura_dropstitch profile image
laura_dropstitchHeart Star in reply to Heartlady1

You two are terrible! 😂

But fun! x

If a little crazy 😂😂😂

Looking forward to the TV series. Probably make a great follow up to one foot in the grave, with a female Victor Meldrew , crematorium village, hells angels, steaming xmas dinners, property extension planning rows, boozy witches weekends in expensive Spas, 6 toe inbreds dropping their money in the manure before nipping down the bakers to touch up his buns, whinging teenager,(get one today while they still know everything), rampant bulls with naked riders wearing orange speedos.. and that's just chapter one.

It's all very enjoyable - so who is going to write the follow up?

Hi, are you ready for episode two? lts all to do with drain rage. We live at the end of a cul de sac next to a meadow and the only neighbour we talk to lives behind us. He has built a little annex in his garden for his mother in law and asked us if he could put a sewer pipe under our grass and key into our drainage system which was fine and checked with the water company. This particular day the mini digger men and our nice neighbour R started work, the poison dwarf next door got a ladder and put his revolting face over our adjoining wall shouting "l told you not to f*ing do that you C " he is 87 and even the workmen were astounded it was disgusting. So later R who is 75 went round to the dwarfs house to confront him and discovered it was more to do with the fact that R is friendly with us! then the dwarf told R to F*ing leave his front garden and now they are not speaking to him. Next there is washing rage! recently l was sat in my garden and heard the dwarfs wife, the sullen witch moaning about high l put my washing line up and she has to see it over the six foot wall and it really annoys her. Guess what l did? l bought new poles and hung my washing even higher! l'm now off to buy orange speedos for them both and have a chat to the farmer about borrowing his bull. Hee, Hee.

Brilliant descriptions! You have made me laugh so much Thankyou. But sorry you have to put up with such intolerant neighbours. Stay strong. I look forward to the instalment about the orange speedos and the bull!🤪 zena xx

Sorry I should have said I don’t mean to laugh at your expense. Still brilliant descriptions though!! Zena xx

Hi Zena, not a problem l love to make people laugh! l think we have become immune to the evil pair as my Husband calls them. Another strange sight is the neighbour opposite who is about 78, watering her front garden plants at night dressed in full tennis gear for some weird reason (a revolting sight) where the heck am l living? Crematorium village!!! Take care until the next episode. Sue xx

You clearly live with the weird the wonderful and the wonky! Life’s rich tapestries and all that! Zena xx

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