Have you found that after...

[chloe40]

Say 6months, people think you should be back to 'normal' and your grief has disappeared?

Chloe

[Turnipgirl]

Yes it had only been a few weeks since I got evicted and someone told me to forget about it and put it behind me and I said I would get over it when I was good and ready!

Yesterday after swimming I got a bus that went through that neighbourhood and I was thanking my lucky stars I'm not there anymore and how since that happened my life has changed for the better and yes I did get over it when I was good and ready to have done so!

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Turnipgirl]

Of course you will but when you are ready, you went through so much, it had a huge impact on your life, but you doing very well indeed Turnipgirl

Keep doing what your doing, you're much happier and settled now. x

[Turnipgirl in reply to chloe40]

Had a day in today and had a nice rest and indulged in some home cooked dinners and a nice walk out round the neighbourhood when the rain had stopped!

One was a pumpkin fish pie which everyone enjoyed and one was an autumn stew which had turnips, pumpkins, chickpeas, swede, celery and carrots in it and some has been put in the fridge for next week's dinners!

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Turnipgirl]

Turnipgirl

Hmm they sound absolutely delicious, glad you enjoyed it and you’ve made it easier to rustle up tea in the week x

[Hilomom]

I'm at almost 5 months since my husband passed away, everyone tells me it's still early days. I can't even imagine someone being so insensitive as to suggest that grief would just go away at 6 months. My feelings are still raw but I do think we move with our grief, not necessarily through it or around it. It will always be there.

[Turnipgirl in reply to Hilomom]

One of my friends said to me when I got told to get over being evicted only a few weeks after it happened how some people are just insensitive which is right!

I find that the passing of time helps to ease the pain.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Hilomom]

I totally agree Hilomom but it does happen as you can read .

You need to talk all the time in the world x

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

That was my sister to our mom when my brother passed. My sister pretty much put it out of her mind and went a long as usual. My brother passed in July of 2012 and on December 2012 she was pretty much "normal". My mom of course was not. She was still feeling from losing her only son. And that stress from grief later caused a UTI and she got pretty sick from that. After recovering from that sickness. My sister invited us to her house. We came over and my mom was pretty out of it. She really didn't do much socializing. My sister's in laws were understanding. Even have their condolences to her.

Next year we were invited again to my sister house for Christmas cookie baking. My sister has the nerve to tell my mom. "There are going to be J's family here. So you are going to have to socialize. I don't want you on the couch just sitting there. "

My mom snapped at her and said "I was sick, I told you this. Plus you wouldn't feel like socializing too much when you're son had just died."

[Caza in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Shame on your sister

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to Caza]

Yeah my sister is a bit of a narcissist.

[Caza]

yes by my gp 😱. After my daughter died the shock caused me to lose most of my hair. I went to see my doctor to get some bloods done. I needed to know why & if my hair would return ( it did). It would’ve been about 4 months after my daughter had died He asked me if I thought I should be over it by now. I just stared at him so he asked if my friends thought I should be over it by now. I said what would he or my friends know about losing a child, how could they possibly know if I should be over it by now. I got up & left. He did write & apologised & said he had handled it very badly & would I go back to see him. Not a hope in hell. I eventually took myself out of the social scene. Looking back I know people felt awkward around me. Which is why I chose to leave a job & house that I loved. I was no longer me but a person who had lost her daughter in very tragic circumstances. That’s why I don’t tell anyone where I live now & always keep a barrier up. Only a few of my friends stayed with me.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Caza]

That’s such a disgrace Caza

I have to wonder if they have any bereavement training?

x

[Caza]

it was a bit of a blow I must admit. I now think how lucky are they not to understand x

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to Caza]

What a horse's butt.

Most people are uncomfortable with death and sadness in general. It reminds people that they aren't going to live forever and they don't have all the time in the world. Dealing with sadness is an uncomfortable feeling. People don't like sitting with it or being around people who are. They don't want to acknowledge it.

A lot of the time people feel awkward about what to say to people who are sad. People feel the need to say something. It's like an uncomfortable elephant in the room. They feel they must break this uncomfortable silence with saying something. Something that'll cheer you up and get you out of sadness. What they don't realize is or it doesn't occur to them to just ask the sad person.

Just ask. You can tell them that there's nothing to say but it's appreciated to just sit with them at the restaurant. That you may not talk much but they can tell their stories. You'll listen. Or maybe help around the house, somethings you can't find the time to get done. Or maybe you want an ear for them to listen about how much you miss the person you lost. To express anger and sadness. Just be there. Even if we just sit there and watch TV in silence. Sometimes the simplest things mean a lot.

I'm sorry you were put through that.

Sending love and hugs 🫂 ❤️

[Turnipgirl in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

The other day I was waiting for my swim and there was a lady there who didn't look well at all so I went over to her and asked was she OK and was there anything I could do for her and she thanked me but said no thanks which was fair enough!

I was free to ask and she was free to say yes or no for herself!

Before that lady came along, I had been crying myself as I was disappointed when an interview didn't work out but that ill lady put things into perspective!

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Turnipgirl]

That was very kind and thoughtful of you Turnipgirl

Really sorry you were upset about interview x

[Turnipgirl in reply to chloe40]

I'm OK about it now I have had time to talk things through and calm down and now feel it wasn't meant to be that time!

My sister in law says how we all get times when we feel upset and angry and was very good to me and then the ill lady came along and put things into perspective!

At the time when things like failed interviews strike they can feel like the world has ended!

Next week I have a Monday interview at 4pm and a Friday one for 11.30am so we will see how those work out!

[chloe40 Administrator]

Yes Turnipgirl good luck with both, in the meantime, enjoy your weekend x

[Sandradsn]

6 weeks after my mum died,someone asked me if I'd got over it yet.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Sandradsn]

That is unbelievable Sandradsn

I’m so sorry that happened x

[Turnipgirl in reply to Sandradsn]

That's disgusting asking you that at 6 weeks after your loss when it's still very raw!