I lost the best half of my identity two weeks ago. She was special and she was bright, and she loved me.
I never got that part of it. Why this special woman would love me, as opposed to finding someone who is far better as a person and as a companion than I am? it just made no sense to me. I went to work trying to get her to leave me alone rather early in our relationship, but she would not have any of it.
Losing her has brought a sadness into my life that has a "weight" to it. I mean this, it's as if a heavy object is sitting on my chest, shoulders, and my back. I can hardly move, I just want to lie down and let the weight suffocate me, or break me enough that I don't survive.
This sadness has weight!
It feels like I could place it on a scale and read the numbers increase.
I'm in trouble, I'm unsure of what I need to do next.