Just too soon...

[GoGo_JoJo]

2018 was a really tough year, coming up to the 4th anniversary of losing my Dad I was facing losing a very dear elderly friend. 93 was a good age but it was so hard watching her basically starve to death, her body withering day by day. Her fear of the end. As luck might have it I'd broken my toe was was off work more days and was able to have more time with her. The last visit I came away crying and praying for it to end (for her sake)... and it did.

One week later as I was writing a eulogy for my friend I got the call to say my mother had been found dead in her home (in Spain). I was so angry. How dare she intrude on Catharinas time!

I had to travel to Spain a fortnightish later to sort all that out. (That may sound callous, my mother and I did not have a good relationship; she was an alcoholic and a narcissist) 8 weeks later another friend who had been a huge help with my mother died suddenly.

It was a really rough year.

I now have another elderly friend who is pushing for more of my time and interest. Is it wrong that I hold her at a bit of a distance? I just can't think of dealing another big loss yet. Even when I met her in 2022 and helped her home with her too heavy shopping the thought passed my head that I was setting myself up for loss. I take her to the supermarket most weekends and help her with little things. Her brother wants me to do more, yet the family do next to nothing. I feel selfish for avoiding her hints of different outings but as well as having a very busy life, as much as I like and respect her I just don't want to invest too much 😣 it just feels too soon to risk another big loss

[Instructor57]

Wow JoJo !What a time you have had !

So sorry for your losses 😟

There is absolutely a limit to how much time we can invest in others ..

As much as we may want to.

There comes a time when we need to look after our own well being and mental health .

I certainly realised this after my heart attack 6 months ago .

But we often feel a guilt in doing so .

Give yourself permission to concentrate on you !

It sounds like it's time (or past time) to look after yourself.

Take care Jo and I hope your situation improves soon .

Best wishes, Ian x

[Nathalie99]

I know what you mean, Jo... I reached that point end of 2022, after several losses in my family, I couldn't be of support to my family because I was overwhelmed myself.

I asked friends if they could support my family and they did as it was less emotional for them.

Support network is so important, to have other people to be there as well.

Another loss could trigger the old ones and you are right about that.

Taking care of yourself is important...

I hope there are other people who can help. Her brother might need to reach out to some organisations or even social networks to find more support. It's his responsibility...

I know how tough it is to make this decision to step away. I think you know best what you need to protect yourself emotionally.

Hope you get more support.

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hi GoGo_JoJo

Apologies for the delay Jo,

I've go to know you over the past years and you are a very caring supportive person.

I think you know already how to handle this, it is a difficult one, especially as you have been through such a painful time previously. You're very aware of what may lie ahead and I do feel you're being taken advantage Jo, so please be guided by your own very sensible thoughts, you're absolutely right in all you say.

Be kind to yourself Jo <3

You know how to reach me

Chloe