tw: su!c!de

[yellowlany]

my sister is extremely suicidal and is on constant suicide risk & watch. she’s currently at a residential facility but they are letting her out soon because she’s been lying to them that she is better but she’s told other people that she basically just wants to leave so she can end her life. and at the end of the day, she’s an adult so she could leave the facility at her own free will at any moment. my other sister and mom told me today that it’s like someone with a terminal illness, we have to accept that they will likely die and learn to enjoy and relish the moments we have while she is still here but i can’t comprehend how to even begin to do that. she is my best friend. i cannot imagine life without her. yet, even the best doctors therapists and medications cannot help her. i don’t know how she keeps living and fighting every single day so i do not blame her for wanting to be dead. i don’t know how she’s made it this long. i know that there is a 95% chance that she will end her life soon and i don’t know how to come to terms with that. please, if you have any advice on how to grieve someone who is still alive & how to appreciate the time you have with them, i would so appreciate you sharing. i’m just at a loss.

[Caza]

Gosh this is so hard for you all. Not sure I agree with your mom.

My good friends grown up daughter, who I’m also very good friends with, had several failed attempts at ending her life. After her last attempt in which she got pretty close at achieving her wish, the three of us sat down & had a really honest conversation. It was very hard & emotional but we agreed that she would try really hard to live her best life for a year & if she felt no better after that then we wouldn’t stand in her way. ( I’m not sure if we would of kept to our side of the bargain). Well she kept to her word, put all thoughts of suicide out of her head started studying got her degree. Took lots of other courses. Had an annex built attached to her mums property. & a couple of years ago decided to go it alone & had a baby. Wow I’m so very proud of her. I know it wasn’t easy for her but she did it. I hope your sister comes through this as well xx

[yellowlany in reply to Caza]

Hi Caza, thank you so much for taking the time to reply& share your friends story. it is so inspiring to hear about your friend’s daughter. i think that we may have to have a similar conversation & i hope with everything in me that it could turn out to be a beautiful ending as well. thank you <3

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hello @yellowlany

What an awful situation to be in, that's so very sad and hard for you to deal with {{{hugs}}}

I can't imagine it is easy for anyone to be living with the fear of a loved one, knowing they don't wat to live.

I would say please try and get some support from a local Therapist, you need expert support here, we're here for you too!

Your Mom seems to have accepted her daughters illness and wishes and she must be a very brave lady indeed.

We all grieve differently and with support you'll do so too, there is no easy way to explain grief in your situation but please don't lose hope, there is always hope 💗

I am hoping that the reply from Caza may inspire you, I do hope so. Post here anytime, we're thinking of you and your family.

Chloe

[yellowlany in reply to chloe40]

hi chloe, thank you for your kindness & response. i have a therapist and she is helping me through it which i am so grateful for. i wish i could have my moms level of bravery but i will work towards it. thanks for your encouragement <3

[chloe40 Administrator]

Always x

[GoGo_JoJo]

What a very difficult situation for you! Of course you're at a loss!

Caza's suggestion I think is the best if you can reason with her, and ask her to give you a year.

I don't believe it's really a possibility to grieve fully before they're gone. You can maybe learn to accept that she doesn't want to be here, but the real grieving will come later.

It's an incredibly difficult area, I've been suicidal in my life and been just plain tired of how hard life can be, but I didn't get that close. For some people day to day living is just too much. Sometimes they can find a way through. I'm hoping of course that her doctors etc are doing the right things for her, but if she can't find a reason to try, to hang in there... then there can be only one outcome. Maybe if you're able to discuss things with her plainly, almost dispassionately, discussing what she has in mind, point out the awkward realities... who will find her, clean up her mess, who she might actually physically hurt in the process these things might drive home a bit more and remove some of the romanticised ideas. I know I certainly thought through a lot of methods and decided that I couldn't let others suffer from my own choices.

I really hope there is a way through for you all 💖

[yellowlany in reply to GoGo_JoJo]

hey GoGo_JoJo, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, i really appreciate you. i also have been suicidal many times in my life & have attempted as well so i get where she is coming from too sadly. unfortunately, she has attempted before & we have had very traumatic experiences with finding her, having to get law enforcement involved, etc. so she knows the effect that it would have on others and that is truly the only thing that is still keeping her alive. but at some point i don’t think it’s going to make much of a difference for her.