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[Tilly1000]

Hello, my husband died of cancer 10 months ago, I feel everyone has moved on now with there own lives, so to the outside world I seem fibr, but inside my mind just keep “whirling” when he was ill we were told no hope but I wouldn’t have that, I just told my husband they don’t know, you could have years left, my husband always listened to me & took my lead, I had hope no matter what I was told, then he was gone, I was shocked, I didn’t think he would die, i wish I had said so much, I’m left feeling where is he? Did he have to go? If he loved me surely he could have stayed? Are we just machines & when the body no longer works it breaks down & that’s it? Before his death I believed we go somewhere & meet loved ones again, but this believe seems to have been shaken with his death, I look at the times when we argued & I used harsh word & upset him, was that why he left me?

I had bereavment councelling for 6 weeks but my mind just starts “whirling” again, I feel like I’m going mad, does anyone else have these thoughts & if so any ideas of how I can calm myself?

[GoGo_JoJo]

Such a difficult time Tilly. Welcome to a bit of peace and understanding here. Sending you love and support 💕

10 months is still so very raw. No, he did not choose to leave you, neither did anything you do precipitate his leaving. It is natural to question why. It's also very natural, and part of the grieving process to become angry at being left, abandoned, to deal with everything alone, including all these new and confusing feelings and thoughts.

I would have hoped the bereavement counselor would have given you some tools to help get through this stage. Have a look locally (online now) at what there is to help you. If you're at all religious try talking to your local church. Talking always helps. Sometimes simply in that the more you say something, the less it hurts.

Try to spend some time each day just thinking of good times, remembering his laugh, his smile, how wonderful life could be together. Cherish those memories and try to be happy you had those times. Unfortunately pain of loss is the price of loving, but love, and its rewards are worth it if we cherish what we did get to enjoy.

I can't tell you what's on the other side but I do believe, when it's your time your souls will be in touch again.

Look after yourself, eat healthy, breathe fresh air. Look to nature to see life in its glory still around you. Don't be sad that it hasn't stopped, be glad that the sun still rises and sets, the birds sing, and be glad of all you were fortunate to experience together.

Expect bad days, but look forward to the good ones. Keep talking 💕

[spykey]

Hi Tilly

Welcome to the care & share site, please trust me we do Care and we are here for anyone wants to share and we Do listen! It’s hard when we lose a loved one and you’re still in the first few months of your loss! I know people will say it gets better as time goes on, you’ll feel better in time!! These are both true, but we will experience at different times in our journeys, it’s not just oh well you’ll get over it in time!! Please give yourself time to grieve, take time to remember the good times you spent together,! Some people find it helpful still talk to their loved one!

I know I do, and my brother died over 30 years ago! I’m not saying you have to, but who knows you might find it helpful?? You said you had counselling, did they give you any tools to work with to get through difficult times? Have you thought about talking to Cruse? Or check out their website you may find some emotional tools, find someone to email, phone or find if there are any methods of support they may be able to Recommend some form of help to get you through some of those darker days that can creep up on us when we least expect them!

Tilly you are never & will never be alone, we will Always be here from you, and you are welcome to post whenever you want or need to! There will always be someone here for you! It is good to cherish those photos of the times you spent together and the laughs & joys you shared! He Loved You, and You Loved Him those feelings will never leave you despite you being apart!!

As your Guardian Angel he will always be there walking right beside you, you will never be alone! Like GoGo_JoJo said there may be a local church who may be able to help you or guide you in the right direction for support!

Please Look after yourself and keep In touch if & when you are able!

Hugs 💓 and Blessings 🤗

Spykey

[Hidden]

Hi Tilly1000. I find that talking to my love ones help me. By the sounds of you kept his spirits up till the end never giving up. It is so hard when your loved ones passes. I do believe though that the walk beside us. The do silly things like turn the tv on or turn it off. Turn the stereo on in the middle of the night. Hide things so you can find them. Thats how their memory lives on. Take time out for you though self care is good. I did a collage of photos. I light candles an listen to music we liked. Most of all though keep talking about or to your husband he is still around. Hope this helps. Take care.

[RoseyViolet]

Hi Tilly, please know that you are not alone in this grief process. It's quite a journey that many of us have taken and will take in the coming days. You were your husband's source of comfort, relief and loving support that he relied upon when he didn't have the strength to muster it up for himself. You were his hero! You still are! Every single day that you put your feet on the floor to begin the day you have a choice to do good in this world.

Take each day one at a time. Give yourself a break and be kind to yourself. Journal your thoughts and feelings to your husband, it really does help to get it down on paper and get it all out. Reach out to a trusted friend, seek out a grief counseling group to help process it all. You are not alone.

[Skye001]

Hi Tilly, I know how you are feeling. Everyone you know seems to have moved on, in a way we have as well but there is a big empty space where your husband should be, my husband went out one Sunday afternoon and didn't come home, he died in a fatal car crash, that was 3 years ago...we were married 40 years and. had some blazing rows and said hurtful things but we both knew each other well enough to know they were just words. 10 months is no time at all and now having to live through these uncertain times without your best friend/soulmate is even harder, I can't tell you it gets easier it just gets easier to put on a brave face. Talk to family and friends and include your husband in conversations where you can, we usually end up laughing at the ridiculous things my husband did but to him were serious Give yourself time, you will have more good days than bad.

Take care💛

I still talk to hubby and moan at him, especially when things need repairing around the house☺

[salem16]

Prayer works wonders. Not as much bad I used to be it helps and give and take one positive thought per day. I like you can relay my husband psp fought valiantly. Gone 8 months I just talk to him in my thoughts ask for his strength I skeptical at first. Believe.