Do our male members cope better?

[chloe40]

I love to know how you are and whether you feel you coping skills are stronger and what they are? If you feel you can share these, I'm sure it would be very helpful to others who are not doing so well.

Thank you

Chloe

[Greyone]

I've already started and deleted my answer to this question twice , so it really is harder than i thought. I think we cope better in different scenarios. The IT departments where i used to work were predominantly male and there i think mens coping strategies may have had the edge especially with support from fellow males. Maybe its the same for parts of work dominated by women.

Families - are women better at coping with family issues. men i don't think have anything that compares to motherhood so does that give ladies better coping skills. What about sporting situations.

Maybe how we cope in different settings are reinforced by gender stereotypes and gender associated emotions. I remember a program on telly by , i think it was Dr Winstanley about children growing up with some focus on gender differences. Does anyone else remember the program?

My favourite coping strategy is to act on impulse whether going somewhere or comfort eating. I feel especially vulnerable when i'm tired and at such times resort to comfort eating such as toast. When my distress is due to bereavement then my impulse is to go visit. This still happens after two years and sometimes i tie a visit after an appointment or because of a distressing appointment as i did last Tuesday. I finally got home just in time for tea. My local crem is only 30 minutes walk away and i have a nice walk to take me there and back so visiting is easy. What i would o if it was hard or far i way i cannot imagine and this is the first time i have thought of that very point. So being not too far away from the crem makes it easy for me to visit for my comfort.

My latest comfort tool is to stay where i am, have a bit of a cry and then try to relax and have a happy thought and try a little thinking it through.

Hope I've started something off here because i'm always open to suggestions.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Greyone]

Very interesting points you've made here Greyone

I think I may have opened a can of worms here because as you have indicated, men and women have different coping skills, we also follow different paths in life so I am assuming by that we will cope differently in loss. I believe it depends on the bereaved persons personality, some cope better with certain illnesses for instance, I could go on but you get my drift, so from that I think, (but lets see here) that gender doesn't come into it.

I really like the idea of being within walking distance of the Crem and visiting when you 'need' to.

Great answer by the way!

Chloe

[Greyone in reply to chloe40]

Thank you for you reply Chloe. I have been thinking about my answer all afternoon.

I don't know if reading books is a coping strategy despite that I think its popular. But what about things we learn from books. I don't want to play the pro card but one coping technique i was using this very afternoon after posting and have twice in the past is that one where you talk to an empty chair.

I think its a very good question and differences between the sexes is an important question to see if there are differences. So i am glad you were brave enough to take the plunge so well do for that !

I would be very interested to hear how people cope (after bereavement) for example. Maybe thinking about if they just do the best they can, seek professional advice or try things from books etc. I think your can of worms could turn into a gold mine. Well Done.

BTW i hope we now have an serious outbreak of replies....

[kenster1 Volunteer]

I think men cope in many ways better than woman but in bereavement I think men just buckle.my mum coped with losses my sister copes better with our dads loss and our mum.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to kenster1]

Thanks for replying Kenny kenster1

I am wondering if you feel woman cope better because they have this basic instinct to cope in a crisis. You may well be right as many men do hide their feelings don't they?

Hoping you are keeping well.

Chloe