Msfowler
You are not alone in your feelings,so many in all walks of life have had our hearts torn apart by bereavement of a very dearly loved partner.
Every day the memory of the loved one emerges in our thoughts,and gives us so much pain.
You have to believe that fraction by fraction it will get easier to face days when
our memories get easier to think about without so much pain .
A first part of bereavement, seems to be the feeling of guilt ,for little things we think we should have said or done before the loss,that now is too late to put right.
Guilt keeps the pain going over and over.
I'M nearly 3 years into my bereavement of my darling wife,and this would have been the 50th year of our marriage.
Very best wishes ,lots of love and hugs to you.
Struggling with Grief of losing my Significant Other --we were together for 27 years. He passed away Nov. of 2022. Looking for support & 
If your loss was sometime ago....
my bro’s death date