This isn’t something that I usually talk about..
When I became diagnosed I found it really difficult thing to accept, to go from a really independent person able to do things all by myself without thinking or needing to pre-plan things to now having to really think about how much energy I’m using and things I am doing.
It took a massive toll on me and my family I know my mind became over active and again started questioning everything from myself and thoughts and also to a certain point of how people felt about me and their perceptions of me.
Things are going better now it’s taken a long time to to get to this point but even now my mind is quite often overactive I have a think things and I’m certainly much more nervous and I are used to be with a lot less confidence.
I think a big part of it is finding me again remembering the things that i used to enjoy but also things that I like to do now and also finding myself as me excepting the way that I am now. I went to the gym today not to use the gym to go swimming and only managed four lengths of the pool before I couldn’t actually move any more. I had to get out of the pool struggle to the changing rooms shower get dressed by the time I got home I was absolutely exhausted I was no use to anybody.
My wife and I have always done things together and certainly for the first six years of my children’s upbringing we have very much enjoyed each other’s company each evening and I’ve not really been out separately on my own. My wife is now working part time couple of evenings a week and I find it difficult to decide what I want to do when she’s not here what I want to eat what I want to watch an how to spend my time.
I feel a little bit lost and is quite a strange feeling. I’m getting better at it and it’s easier certainly now than it was a few weeks ago to be on my own which I haven’t done even for short periods at a time in quite awhile.
I’m certainly not complaining I don’t think that this is a terrible thing or situation to be in in fact I know that it’s a wonderful thing to have a partner who loves you for everything that you are and children who are just magic.
I’m posting this I guess to ask if anybody else has had similar experience also for those that are going through at the moment just to say that you’re not on your own.