With Christmas only 2 days away I thought I'd shed some positive light and take a moment for gratitude.
It might sound crazy at first, the title of this post. Behchet's making me GRATEFUL?? But alas, it is true. Although it is not something I would wish on anyone and there are times I curse its mere existence, I have also found great strength and positivity in dealing with this disease.
Bechet's makes me grateful for;
1. Good days. Days when I am up off the couch. Days when I am not in pain. When I have energy and can work and play and clean my house and laugh with my kids. Days that I took for granted before. Now, I take not one of those days for granted, and I am grateful to my core for each moment of them.
2. Eating without pain. My, how people take this for granted. And why wouldn't you? It should be "normal" to eat without pain. But for me, it's been five years of hell with mouth ulcers. Now that I've been diagnosed, and am treating things, I have had some days of pain-free eating. GLORIOUS! Every bite I take I rejoice. Seriously. Chewing, swallowing, tasting food ~ what a spectacular thing! And one I am grateful for every single time I get to experience it without pain.
3. My eyesight. The scariest part of the diagnosis for me was when I learned that Behchet's can make you blind. I immediately began to think of all the things that would be stolen from my life if I could not see. All of my hobbies ~ photography, scrapbooking, reading, writing, movies. All the things I love to do and would no longer be able to. But worse, the thought of not being able to look at the faces of the people I love. Those faces we take for granted because we see them every day. My beautiful children. Now, I look at their faces with care. I look at them not fleetingly, but with meaning and intent. I adore and try to memorize their features. Just in case. And I have once again begun to marvel over those faces, like I haven't since they were infants.
4. Choice. I am so grateful that my health is not completely out of my hands regardless of what life has thrown at me. I can choose what goes into my body and what doesn't. I can choose to be proactive and learn and experiment, and take amazing care of myself, and fight this god damn disease tooth and nail, and refuse to let it win.
5.My country. I am so grateful to live in Canada and have free health care and access to the things I need in order to get well. If I wasn't a patriot before (and I was!) I certainly am now.
Take some time this season to think about this ailment in a different light. Has it changed your life in any positive ways? Are you stronger, smarter, healthier in any way because of it? I hope for all of you, that bearing the burden of this sometimes ruthless disease has brought at least some positive change or experiences into your lives.
Health, Happiness and a Wonderful Holiday Season,