Gay to normal

[Joeiy]

I am male I am not 100% sure but I truly think that I am gay (but I do not wanna have sex with a boy but would get hot and think of a boy while l am in bed myself and not of a girl)I would like to have kids and so i would like to change from being gay ,if I am , to a normal guy seeking to have sex with a girl

[GentlemanJack]

There are a few things here to think about here and I'm presuming that you're fairly young? Firstly, don't feel that you have to label yourself as any sexuality, ever. Sexual preferences are fluid and for a lot of people they change over time from one thing to another. Just because you're attracted to males now doesn't mean that you will feel the same way forever. But if you do, that's fine. Above all else, it's important to be true to yourself and embrace how you feel. Confused feelings are perfectly normal and it can take time to unpick exactly how you feel.

So, at this particular moment in time, you are attracted to boys but you're worried about not having the chance to have your own biological children. Is it just that, or do you feel like you want the typical family unit? Mum, Dad, two children? Whichever it is, being gay doesn't preclude you from having either of these things.

Firstly, you can use your sperm to fertilise an egg and have a surrogate carry it for you (a surrogate in this context is a female who is willing to carry the pregnancy for you and then give you the child once it's born). It would be your biological child and the female would have no part in its upbringing.

Secondly, in today's society the 'norm' of having a 'traditional' family set-up (Mum, Dad and children) has completely gone. So you could be in a gay relationship and have children together without any stigma whatsoever.

Basically - don't try and force yourself to change sexuality because it won't work. And more importantly, it would never make you happy.

[Joeiy in reply to GentlemanJack]

Thanks for the quick replyYes I am 19 but I would like to get married and again I’m certain that I am gay I hope I’m not so if I am you say I can not change it

[Joeiy in reply to Joeiy]

And I would to love a girl so I can marry

[Joeiy in reply to Joeiy]

I never had sex yet but if I do marry a girl will I be able to have sex with her and hide the fact that I am ( maybe) gay

[GentlemanJack in reply to Joeiy]

Yes. You can. But hiding your true self is emotionally draining and will inevitably lead to misery, so it can't be recommended (in my opinion, others may differ).

[Joeiy in reply to GentlemanJack]

And so I will be able to have sex with her and enjoy it or will I sick of it

[Rood_A in reply to Joeiy]

You never, ever want to hide your feelings from someone you love., because inevitably they will discover the truth ... and it may absolutely devastate them ... creating hard feelings, which would probably lead to divorce, and separation from the children you might have, together.

[Solobaby_ in reply to Joeiy]

No you won't eventually those feelings will overwhelm you and make you unhappy which will eventually ruin your marriage and the girl feelings be true to your self maybe your bisexual you like both men and women but never ever hide your real sexuality from people who you're about to get into a relationship with you can only hide for so long.

[rebecca444 in reply to Joeiy]

You shouldn't really do that as it isn't fair on the girl necessarily. You can adopt children or use other methods and u are able to marry men in some countries.

[GentlemanJack]

No. You can't change being gay. What you can do is explore it and accept it, you might feel that you find both males and females arousing. Is being bisexual ever something that you've thought about? Sexuality is a thing that's rarely fixed in place.

If you want to marry a girl - go ahead. You might be able to make the relationship work, or you might not. At 19 you probably don't have any conception of the realities of marriage, and especially to someone that you aren't attracted to. People need to feel wanted in relationships, and a huge part of this is feeling like their partner is sexually attracted to them. Without this, relationships can wither and die very quickly.

That said, if you're certain that you want to marry a girl, you probably can make it work - if you pick your partner carefully. There are lots of women in your shoes and also lots of women who don't need or want the physical side of the relationship so much.

You can also marry a man, if it's just the solid base of marriage that you're after.

Remember though - only do the things that are going to make you happy, both long term and short term.

[Galen70]

If you live in the UK sexual health clinics often have counsellors that can discuss sexual identity with you .

[Worriedman]

Lots of people are bisexual but still have a family, but I think you need to experience sex with a girl first and see if you like it.