Gay, bi or hetro?

[sam12334]

For a couple of weeks now I've been getting very suspicious about my sexuality. I don't know weather I'm bi, gay or hetro. Honestly, I want to be hetro I don't want to be with a guy but I get attracted to some of them (by the way I'm 14 going on 15). And I wonder weather it's to do with masturbating too much or something else. Please help!

[StripySpoonie]

Hi

I'll start by saying I'm old enough to be your Mum (don't immediately write me off for that reason) so I'm just going to talk to you as I would if my own children were asking me this question.

First we'll take the whole 'masturbating too much' question. Masturbating is in no way going to have an impact on your sexuality. Too much? Unless you're getting a pain in your wrist from overuse, a mighty sore dick, or not managing to leave your room and function in normal daily life because of it then it sounds like you're a normal guy your age!

I think it's sometimes hard to see but sexuality isn't as black and white as the labels it's given. Someone could consider themselves heterosexual but that doesn't mean they're attracted to everyone of the opposite sex. Attraction is about a whole load of things that are both physical and intellectual, some you can't even name. Those things may be found in both sexes but it's when you find them all in one package you have a potential partner. It's also quite normal that something might turn you on to watch on porn, or to think of, even though you'd never want to actually try it yourself. What I mean is it just isn't clear little boxes you can tick off.

If you don't feel you want to be with a man then you are probably heterosexual but don't put pressure on yourself by looking at labels and worrying. Just go with it because everything you're feeling is new and that can be a bit frightening but it is also absolutely normal. Your hormones are changing constantly at the minute and you're learning what works for you but it's all still evolving. You might be attracted to some guys but not enough to want to act on it and that's absolutely fine too.

Just try and enjoy all the new stuff you're feeling, just not so much you make your dick sore 😂

I hope that's reassured you a bit x

[sam12334 in reply to StripySpoonie]

Thank you for explaining

[harryisbea in reply to sam12334]

hay dude I feel the same want talk somewhere else

[RankAmateur]

Hello sam12334 ,

Firstly, I like StripySpoonie 's reply. Yup. Hey... she may be old enough to be your Mum, but she says some good wise stuff and I agree with everything she says.

You say:

I don't know weather I'm bi, gay or hetro.

I'd say... don't worry about it. You are fortunate enough (if you are UK-based) to live in a culture that has largely decided it isn't that important any more. Except to you, that is - of course!

Oh... And 14/15 is/was a freaky time for all of us (attraction to the same sex at your age is common... your bias will evolve over time... whatever it may be...). So... by all means be "suspicious", or curious, about it, but... please don't worry...

[vcooke]

Hi, masturbating too much does not determine your sexuality. When it comes to sexual attraction there are no set rules. You might fancy someone of the opposite sex, the same sex, or both. There can be pressure and prejudice surrounding the subject of sexuality that some people feel that they can’t be honest about their feelings with their friends, family and sometimes themselves. So It is really important that you think about your sexuality positively and without any pressure. To support you in expressing your feelings and exploring this this maybe find your nearest sexual health service for young people where you can go and speak with someone. I hope this helps.

[3simon]

When I was at school and I am old enough to be your father if not grandfather there was this theory that we moved along a spectrum-line which could be described as "loving your mum" "loving yourself" "loving your mates" "loving others". They also thought that you could "get stuck" at some point as a reason for being gay! I don't think we'd agree with that these days.

However I do not think that any of us are 100% at the end of a spectrum though we may tend more to one end [hetrosexual or gay]. My feeling is that for both genders and to a greater or lesser degree we are all bisexual. [Great? Fun with both genders?] Seriously perhaps when men watch porn are they not really looking at the man's genitals with interest?

[selonuk]

Like others I agree with Cheeryme and everything she says. We are generally lucky in the Western World that sexuality has become a lot more acceptable in all of it's glorious forms, though there can still be some cultural and religious resistance to this change it is still happening.

Research has found (though research is still being done) that sexuality is partly down to a series of switches in the genes and that these can go through a lot of changes during puberty but will normally settle down when you enter adulthood, that is why a lot of people used to say "they are going through a phase" (though this research wasn't known then only being discovered in the last 5 years - there was a documentary about it on BBC 3 so you could see if it is still available on the iPlayer).

Ultimately though just accept it and be happy experimenting, don't try to force yourself to conform to the expectations of others as this can make you feel depressed. Be happy being who you are.