Gay to normal : I am male I am not 100% sure but I... - BASHH


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Gay to normal

Joeiy profile image

I am male I am not 100% sure but I truly think that I am gay (but I do not wanna have sex with a boy but would get hot and think of a boy while l am in bed myself and not of a girl)I would like to have kids and so i would like to change from being gay ,if I am , to a normal guy seeking to have sex with a girl

9 Replies

There are a few things here to think about here and I'm presuming that you're fairly young? Firstly, don't feel that you have to label yourself as any sexuality, ever. Sexual preferences are fluid and for a lot of people they change over time from one thing to another. Just because you're attracted to males now doesn't mean that you will feel the same way forever. But if you do, that's fine. Above all else, it's important to be true to yourself and embrace how you feel. Confused feelings are perfectly normal and it can take time to unpick exactly how you feel.

So, at this particular moment in time, you are attracted to boys but you're worried about not having the chance to have your own biological children. Is it just that, or do you feel like you want the typical family unit? Mum, Dad, two children? Whichever it is, being gay doesn't preclude you from having either of these things.

Firstly, you can use your sperm to fertilise an egg and have a surrogate carry it for you (a surrogate in this context is a female who is willing to carry the pregnancy for you and then give you the child once it's born). It would be your biological child and the female would have no part in its upbringing.

Secondly, in today's society the 'norm' of having a 'traditional' family set-up (Mum, Dad and children) has completely gone. So you could be in a gay relationship and have children together without any stigma whatsoever.

Basically - don't try and force yourself to change sexuality because it won't work. And more importantly, it would never make you happy.

Joeiy profile image
Joeiy in reply to GentlemanJack

Thanks for the quick replyYes I am 19 but I would like to get married and again I’m certain that I am gay I hope I’m not so if I am you say I can not change it

Joeiy profile image
Joeiy in reply to Joeiy

And I would to love a girl so I can marry

Joeiy profile image
Joeiy in reply to Joeiy

I never had sex yet but if I do marry a girl will I be able to have sex with her and hide the fact that I am ( maybe) gay

GentlemanJack profile image
GentlemanJack in reply to Joeiy

Yes. You can. But hiding your true self is emotionally draining and will inevitably lead to misery, so it can't be recommended (in my opinion, others may differ).

Joeiy profile image
Joeiy in reply to GentlemanJack

And so I will be able to have sex with her and enjoy it or will I sick of it

No. You can't change being gay. What you can do is explore it and accept it, you might feel that you find both males and females arousing. Is being bisexual ever something that you've thought about? Sexuality is a thing that's rarely fixed in place.

If you want to marry a girl - go ahead. You might be able to make the relationship work, or you might not. At 19 you probably don't have any conception of the realities of marriage, and especially to someone that you aren't attracted to. People need to feel wanted in relationships, and a huge part of this is feeling like their partner is sexually attracted to them. Without this, relationships can wither and die very quickly.

That said, if you're certain that you want to marry a girl, you probably can make it work - if you pick your partner carefully. There are lots of women in your shoes and also lots of women who don't need or want the physical side of the relationship so much.

You can also marry a man, if it's just the solid base of marriage that you're after.

Remember though - only do the things that are going to make you happy, both long term and short term.

If you live in the UK sexual health clinics often have counsellors that can discuss sexual identity with you .

I suspect you are not from the UK, but I strongly suggest you do not use words like “boy” and “girl” in a forum like this. Please also consider that using gay v normal may cause offence.

Looking at your posts, you do need to speak to a professional about your feelings.

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