Hi ladies.
I had the shock of having no heartbeat at our 20 weeks scan prior looked like a viable pregnancy- we also have a daughter Francesca after a long 7 year struggle.
Thursday I birthed our beautiful daughter Amelia it was a beautiful experience to have that bond with my special angel baby. Anyone who has the misfortune of a late loss it is part of healing process ( I do hope not) ironic it was the midwife who had been looking after me in my pregnancy who delivered Amelia.
Afterwards I suffered complications- the placenta did not come away so I was rushed into theatre - my Amelia saved me not only had the placenta not come away but there were membranes left which requires removing via D & C which would’ve made me ill & probably infertile. I threw up whilst under. My poor husband thought he not only lost our Amelia but thought I was going to die too.
I also haemorrhaged & lost 1.6 litres of blood. I collapsed from toilet to my bed- my husband caught me. The consultant told me home wasn’t an option & run another blood test to check my levels he was a consultant I knew well he referred me to my ex amazing fertility doctor - I ended up needing a blood transfusion which was done in the labour ward where I heard babies cry & mothers show then off - I wanted to scream my baby is dead go away! Again my Amelia saved me again - she helped me sleep 90% of it.
The chaperline gave our Amelia a beautiful blessing & prayed for us all particularly me to give me the strength to keep going. I’m not massively religious but the prayer was so beautiful valuing Amelias short life made me cry. Such a kind lovely man. He is organising our Amelias funeral- we have requested a full post mortem. Not sure we will ever get an answer think it was an awful tragic accident. We will stay in touch in with him. And our daughter will be cremated so she is with us forever.
The staff were so lovely & couldn’t have looked looked after me any better.
The consultant has confirmed we can try again after my next period & this doesn’t replace our beautiful Amelia who was so perfect.
I was discharged on Saturday. I have been given antibiotics, iron pills & fragmin.
I have sent a box of Lindt chocolates & a thank you card to the staff at benson suite they looked after us so well.
I have also highlighted issues to the hospital to prevent other parents some of the heartache- I have requested the maternity department are more mindful of late losses- and have requested they do not show the parents their baby until they have checked there is a heartbeat- I think it is sloppy practice not to ( our gender scan did) also I have made a complaint about the register who knew she was doing a final scan check to be sure Amelia was dead. Instead she 1- showed us our daughter on screen dead again, 2- she also pointed out our daughters face & organs ,3- I started to hope it had been a terrible mistake that Amelia was alive,4- I had to ask myself if there was a heartbeat. It was most inappropriate & that register needs to understand what her actions caused us & to NEVER to that EVER again to any other parent.
Here is my copy of letter ;
Dear sir or madam.
We received shocking news at our 20 week scan- we were told our daughter had no heartbeat. Prior to this she appeared to be a healthy viable pregnancy- just 2 weeks before we had had a private gender scan with no issue.
I want to save other parents some of the heartache of what we experienced- please can the maternity department be mindful that late losses can occur in pregnancy ( even tho thankfully rare) and in my opinion the sonographer should not show the baby on the screen until they have checked the baby has a heartbeat.
It is incredibly distressing to be told such awful news at a point where you feel the pregnancy should be at safer point. I have to say at our private scan at 18 weeks the sonographer would not show us our baby until she had checked the baby’s heartbeat. It was traumatic to see our baby on the screen whilst being told there was no heartbeat made the news even worse to try to absorb.
We also had to wait 3 hours to see a doctor which was difficult. The midwives were incredibly supportive but we wanted to get home to our 17 month old daughter & just cuddle her. I wanted one more final scan to confirm our daughter really was dead- the register knew why she was asked to do the scan. She instead pointed our daughters organs & face - I started to think she was was alive & this had been a terrible mistake. So I asked her if our baby had a heartbeat- she confirmed no. It was like hearing it the first time all over again, her pointing out the organs made us hope she was alive. The register needs to understand this was most inappropriate & not professional. I’m sure it wasn’t her intention but made what was already difficult even worse. If saying this saves just another couple than Amelias passing has had something positive to come from this.
I have to say the care I received at the Bensons suite was incredibly good. I had complications post delivering Amelia & the theatre staff, consultants, doctors & midwives were so amazing. They couldn’t have done anymore for us. I am grateful for the kindness they showed us. I will be writing a letter to express my gratitude for their care & both of us want to something in honour of Amelia for STARS.
I look to your response.
Yours sincerely
Mrs Jessica Martin.
I also am going to donate toiletries & a box of chocolates every month to the benson suite in Amelias name. I only brought my toothpaste , toothbrush, comb & deodorant. You can’t always remember everything especially in such an emotional state.
We will be walking every year with the hospital ward in honour of our Amelia. My husband is preparing for a half marathon for Tommy’s. I will place up here once I have the details.
I am not nearly over grieving & I know it will a long journey to ever learn to live with such a tragic loss. But i will try to do Amelia proud 💗 who will always be our daughter. We will always talk about her especially to Francesca 🙂
Please sign my petition to recognise a loss after 20 weeks is a still birth not late miscarriage