Hello

[Mrs_oz]

hi I am a 50 year old female and I have just been diagnosed with autism. I am trying to process this at the moment and I guess I am looking for someone who has been diagnosed as an adult so I know I’m not alone (I know I’m not but I feel it right now)

[NotJim]

Hi Mrs_oz,

Sorry to hear you’ve been feeling like this. You certainly aren’t alone. I was diagnosed at 22 myself. It’s quite common for people to be diagnosed later on for all sorts of reasons. For example when I was younger the way autism presents in girls wasn’t as recognised, it was associated with typical behaviours presented by boys instead. It was only when i went to university did i get it properly checked out and realised it’s quite different.

A lot of things on the internet are typically geared towards supporting autistic children too, as if people forget that these children grow up into autistic adults(!) But there are resources and groups out there, like on Facebook and things like that which are made by and for adults with autism as we navigate life and everything it brings.

Getting the official diagnosis can be a strange time, i remember it felt like I was suddenly reevaluating how I saw myself and my past actions. But actually, I’m still just me, not suddenly a different species or category or an alien. The world is too beautifully complex and multi-faceted to really put a category to everyone, but the term can be a helpful way of understanding a bit about ourselves without it having to totally define us.

You’re definitely not alone in this I hope this sort of helps and that you can feel a bit better soon. ( Have you had a chat with anyone you know about how you’re feeling? It might not fix everything right away but sometimes just verbalising these things can be a bit of a release.)

[Tasha99]

I realised a few weeks ago that I am autistic and have gone on the ‘right to choose’ waiting list referred by my GP. I am 48. I wish I’d known earlier as I’d have been kinder to myself over the years. I am currently on the sick from work as I think I’m in complete Autistic Burnout which I’ve been trying to keep a lid on for 3 years and now I can’t really manage ‘stuff’ anymore. I’m a primary teacher and I’m not sure how I can continue in the job. You’re definitely not alone.

[sjof]

Hi Mrs_oz

I was clinically diagnosed with Autism/Aspergers/HFA just last week, and I am 73 years. A lifetime of searching for my people and not belonging caused me to take this step towards discovery. For me the diagnosis has given me a sense of relief and understanding as well as causing me a lot of distress and confusion as to how to move forward.

I hope you are finding some peace with your diagnosis. For myself, I’m reading a lot of books and articles and websites about moving forward and finding my people. It is a hard thing to get this news so late in life, but the alternative of not knowing why I feel so alien and have so many communication difficulties is worse in my opinion.

One book I recommend is Unmasking Autism by Devon Price. You may find it useful to not feel so alone. I found it quite uplifting and hopeful.

It’s hard to find older folks who are openly Autistic, and who want to talk about it. Even harder is to find therapists who understand adult Autism and can help figure out ways to adapt and find accommodations that help us get what we need to be comfortable in a NT (neurotypical) world without trying to force us to mask up again. We have had 50 or more years of masking and when that mask comes off it changes everything. We start to reflect on all the ways Autism has affected our lives and it can be hard to deal with. Mind you, I have no desire to put that mask back on, even if I could, which I can’t. This is finally my time to discover who I am and to find some peace in that understanding.

If you would like to chat about any of this please message me.

Have hope and delight in your newfound freedom!

[Tasha99 in reply to sjof]

What a fabulous post. It is great to know we’re not alone, isn’t it? 😊 For me, understanding my communication problems has been massive.

[sjof in reply to Tasha99]

Tasha99

Agreed! I wish I could find a local group to join so that I could practice being more comfortable conversing with people in person. Unfortunately, it seems I don’t live in an area that is very Autism aware. Blocked memories are now surfacing of friends and acquaintances lost due to my communication style. I was never aware of the way I came across, I just thought there was something wrong with me, and people didn’t like me but I could never understand why. Now I understand, even though I currently do not see a path to making allistic friends.

Having been only recently confirmed as Asperger’s I’m not sure how to approach this. The one thing I do know is that if I want some peace and relative calm for myself I cannot go back to masking.

If anyone on this list has suggestions or experience with adult diagnosed autism - I’d love to hear from you!

[Tasha99 in reply to sjof]

Me too. I always thought I was just a horrible and miserable person ☹️

[Mrs_oz in reply to Tasha99]

Aw I bet you aren’t but I do know what you mean though

[Mrs_oz in reply to sjof]

Thank you so much for this reply it has been really helpful, I feel so emotional just now and I find myself questioning everything I thought I knew about myself. I am so grateful for the comfort you have given me x

[Gillyflower18 in reply to Mrs_oz]

I completely understand I’ve been going through the same thing. I’m another over 70 with a late diagnosis. Some days I’m ok with it others not so much. It’s given me a lot of insight on myself and my family that I never had before but I struggle to know what to do with it right now. I too thought there was something wrong with me that kept me from making friends etc and if I could just fix it I would be ok. It was like a glass wall around me that made me feel everyone could see I was odd. Thank heavens for my therapist! She keeps telling me I just have a different way of thinking that is not better or worse than anyone else. It’s just the way I am. I’m trying to learn to understand myself better with her help and be able to relate to people better. Hang in there we’ll get there!👍

[catmummy3]

Last year I was told I have autism too but tbh I’ve always known I was different and getting older and hearing more people talk about it then getting my diagnosis I feel it all makes sense I’m almost 27 and don’t have a good social side I’m lonely and finding it hard to meet anyone who understands especially when I’m overwhelmed I feel like I can’t cope

[Madeleine-1]

Hi sorry to hear that. I just wondered how you got diagnosed? As I think my son is autistic and he is in his 40's. It has been a struggle anything you can tell me how to get diagnosed would be a massive help to me. Thank you

[Nature1981]

hi , I’m an autistic adult 42 and was just diagnosed last year . Which has really helped me understand myself a lot more . And fill in them gaps ! I’m happy to have a chat with you if you like ? Laura