I keep getting stuck as all the support for mental health involves talking.
My communication is affected when I am in crisis and all help requires communication.
I Texted Shout who sent me to an online form for my GP who sent me an online 111 form which then gave me numbers to call or a call from a nurse. I then got a call from a nurse who explained that I need to talk and that the only services she could give me would need me to talk. I just feel more alienated from help now to be honest I’m very very unlikely to try and reach out in crisis again.
I need help with managing suicidal impulses during melt downs and I don’t fit the check boxes of do you have a plan. I have a plan for every environment I have ever been in since I have been dealing with this my whole life without support.
They say tell someone if you’re feeling suicidal and then it just makes it worse. Truly fed up and need some information on how to find a doctor or mental health professional that actually understands me and what I need.
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OceanElephant
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Unfortunately I do not think that there is any such thing as people that will only communicate via ...wait a minute you say voice or text-based but you don't want to talk.
I don't understand what that means.
What do you mean by voice-based since you don't want to talk?
I’m trying to communicate that talking about it dosent help and that dosent matter if it’s via text or voice. I need an actual strategy to deal with the risk of ending my life during melt down.
Okay what you just said here seems radically different to me from the first thing that you said and is helping me better understand what you mean and what you are looking for.
So let me ask a question instead of assuming which is a really bad idea.
When you say you want an actual strategy are you open to talking to someone with your voice and their voice about a strategy?
What I have been hearing you say so far in this thread is that you don't want to talk with your voice to somebody and have them talk to you with their voice but rather want to do the communication in writing.
Now that I have seen this post that I somehow missed before it seems to me that you are not saying you don't want to talk per se but rather don't want to talk when you're in the middle of a meltdown.
That makes complete and total sense.
I don't know how trying to have a therapeutic moment in the middle of a meltdown would be helpful or even possible for anyone.
I'm asking all these questions for clarification because I do want to try to be helpful which I can't be if I am clueless and confused.
I struggle with using words vocally or written to explain what I need. I can and do try to. What I am trying to say is that therapy where you talk about your feelings doesn't help me to manage my melt downs and that seems to be all that is on offer to me or I know about. I am looking for other methods or strategies to manage my melt downs as talking about how I feel doesn't help me. Thank you for keeping on trying to communicate with me.
It sounds frustrating to be reaching out for help and getting handed things that are not helpful. 😬
There absolutely definitely are other kinds of therapy besides talk therapy and if clinicians haven't explained that to you than they are very remiss and not doing their jobs.😤
Marianne Faithfull and Ben Brierly had a song that had a lyric "...help gets so unhelpful in the end..."
I frequently think of that when I'm trying to get supports and accommodations for myself or when I hear people's struggles.
So there is such a thing as CBT and DBT which are cognitive behavioral therapy and dialectic behavioral therapy respectively.
CBT concentrates on changing our thinking which will then change our behavior.
DBT concentrates very specifically on skills, coping mechanisms, to deal and live more effectively.
There is also anger management therapy and probably bunches of things of which I have never even heard.
I have utilized both of those and they both were very helpful with managing my behaviors and my thoughts during meltdowns.
I have significantly fewer meltdowns and they are less intense and significantly shorter than they used to be.
The reason that I suggested trying to communicate with people in writing is that we can take our time to write something because the person isn't sitting right there waiting for it to fall out of our mouths.We can read what we said carefully and then edit it if it doesn't say what we want to say whereas once words have come out of our mouth that's it.
There is a famous poet whose name I cannot remember right now who wrote a poem saying something to the effect that immediately upon being spoken words put on boots and march across the land and we can't get them back.
One strategy I have learned over the years that works very well for just about anything that we do want to do or do not want to do is making a unilateral decision ahead of time when we are not in the middle of the thing that we are definitely going to do or definitely not going to behave in a certain manner.
That sounds overly simplistic but there are actual things that happen in the brain when we make a decision ahead of time that causes it to be exponentially more likely to happen that way when the actual time comes.
If I tell myself ahead of time that no matter how upset I am, that no matter how out of control I am there is absolutely no possibility of unaliving myself being a choice on the table than the likelihood of my doing that is significantly reduced.
The likelihood of my even thinking about doing that is significantly reduced.
There is something that happens in our brains when we make a unilateral & unequivocal decision ahead of time that makes it like it has alreadyhappened so when the time comes in a manner of speaking we are repeating something we have already done.
Also if I tell myself ahead of time that I need to do XYZ (specific thing) than the next time I am in a meltdown the likelihood of doing whatever I decide to do is significantly more likely to occur.
As I said before I'm not talking out of my hat.
I had terrible, horrible, no good, very bad meltdowns for decades where I would completely lose control and totally spaz.
It took a lot of work and time and energy.
I have gotten to the point where 99 and 44 /100% of the time I get as angry and emotionally dysregulated as I used to I do not have a meltdown.
This is because of the results of decades of therapy, taking medication, treating PMDD effectively, learning coping skills / mechanisms / tools, and staying physically abstinent from all drugs 100% of the time including alcohol.
I have found CBT and DBT to be extremely useful and beneficial specifically around dealing with anger and meltdowns.
I sincerely hope that some of the ideas to consider that I have shared resonate with you and are worth trying to see if they fit and are helpful.
If your meltdowns and suicidality are even half as upsetting to you as mine were to me that is a terrible terrible thing that I don't wish on my worst enemy.
I'm confused because you say you don't fit the check boxes for having a plan and then you immediately say that you do have a plan and you always have had a plan for suicide.
That doesn't make any sense to me.
Are you sure that you are actually suicidal when you are in the middle of a meltdown or are you experiencing suicide ideation.
The former is when we actually do want to be dead and we actually do have a plan for how to go about making that happen.
The latter is being completely overwhelmed by the upsetting things that are continually happening in our lives, wishing that they would come to a screeching halt, and thinking that the only way for that to happen is for us to no longer be here without having an actual plan and the actual means for carrying out the plan.
As someone who has meltdowns and sometimes has screamed things like "oh just let me die" I do know what it's like and I'm not talking out of my hat.
The latter but using anything around me impulsively to try and end my life during melt down as most things in the environment can be repurposed for this.
When not in melt down having no plan to end my life.
I can see why you would want a competent and good therapist / counselor type person in your life to be assisting you.
The only thing I can possibly think is that psychology today has a find a therapist feature that has a plethora of filters.
Someone can enter in all the different things that they want and do not want in a therapist.
I'm wondering if they might have the possibility to choose someone with who one can communicate via written words like texts and emails instead of talking.
It doesn't look like they do but I got another idea to consider.
What about if you found a therapy place and then composed a letter either on a piece of paper or an email and sent it to them explaining your situation and your needs?
I think the worst thing that could happen is they could say we can't help you and we don't know about anyone who can.
That may not sound particularly good however I believe that it's better to ask a question and get told no that did not ask and the answer would have been yes
I need someone who understands how I can mitigate the risk of killing myself during melt downs. Who understands that it’s not cumulative and I’m not at risk at all times but I’m at high risk of impulsively ending my life during melt down and it getting worse as I get older. I have never had any help for this as my family have hidden it and advised me to hide it all my life. I just want to be safe during melt downs but mental health support for feeling suicidal is not addressing this so I don’t know what I need. When I talk I just mask so it’s pointless.
Hi there, My daughter has felt like this in meltdowns and it is distressing and she doesn't want to discuss it afterwards. A therapist could help by creating a plan for you to follow when you are not in crisis for when you are in crisis. My daughter has a comfort box that is a box where you put things that help in such situations. My other daughter was told how to make one for when they were in crisis. A therapist could help you decide what to put in. Writing what you want help with could help.
I find this really interesting OceanElephant bc my24yr old daughter has autism and PMDD - Is impulsivity a thing with people with autism it would explain incidents involving my daughter
In what form do you envisage support during your vulnerable periods ?
I think a safe space is needed somewhere that people can go to and sit down in during a crisis In UK we have Community Interest Companies that can secure grants for enterprises that help the community
The UK government don't create safe spaces but they support those that do
Have you considered starting a community interest company that could rent premises and create a safe space for you and others like yourself
I hope the group below may have relevant lived experience (and therefore be better able to suggest more accessible / navigable services in support of your wellbeing and mental health - which are respectful of your required reasonable adjustments):
(The group was listed on a main NHS webpage section about further sources of information and support).
If there was any style of activity or strategy which you remember used to help you when you were a much younger person - it might be worth mentioning that to the above group - then if someone were to directly identify with and recognise your younger situation, they might feel more confident to suggest / share tactics and approaches which they find their adult self has found helpful.
I use an app called Stay Alive, it's freely available from either Apple Store or Play Store for android.
I've attached a screenshot here of the interface when you click on it. As you can see there are different sections.
In the 'Lifebox' section you can put photos in it of anything that will bring you out of that impulsive moment when you're in meltdown. Mine's full of pictures of my pets, my nieces and nephews and from happier times, to remind me that things move and change all the time.
Anything that might calm you down is good. For me, that's being outside, on my bike, or at home with my phone on silent so I can reduce demands. If I can't do any of those things, I can still look at a picture of a time I went on my bike and saw a great sky or sat watching the river.
Lxx
This is what the interface looks like inside the Stay Alive app.
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