Sensory Overload and masking.

[growingpositively]

Hi, very much new to all the concepts. Recently had sensory assessment and it was very validating. But I can't help feeling childish, weak, and like I'm acting when I let down the mask I've held up for so long. I've been told not masking is part of acceptance, but I don't really get how?Why is it so unhealthy to try to fit in? Can't help feeling a bit lonely and low it can only be managed not fixed. Proud to be neurodiverse though!

[NotJim]

Hi Growingpositively,

Nice to meet you

I'm on the ASD spectrum, and mask a LOT!

I think it takes a huge amount of effort to let down the mask. There are some who might say letting down the mask is very important, and perhaps they have a point, that it can be good to show what's really going on.

However, every single person who masks is different, and whether you decide to lower it or not is down to you alone, and what you feel comfortable with. Regardless of what might be the popular opinion, I feel that we are each on your own personal journey with our condition, and it should be up to you how you present yourself to the world, (so long as it's not compromising your safety or health in anyway, of course!)

The thing is it's easy to view the masks as separate from ourselves, like they're physical things we put on when we need to, when in actual fact masking is a natural psychological response. It's our brains reading situations and finding ways of fitting in; it's social camouflaging.

The masks we utilise are one aspect of who we are, one side of us, just as much as the conditions we have (like ASD) are simply how our minds operate.

It's easy to see ASD as separate, like a medical condition or illness that's turned up and that can't be "fixed", when actually it simply means your brain is wired in a way unique to you, and that's pretty groovy.

Of course, sometimes it can feel like a real pain the backside; there will probably be rough days along with the smooth. But you can come to terms with it, and learn about it as you grow. Having a neurodiverse brain is a lifelong learning process, understanding about who you are, just as much as anybody regardless of how their brain is wired, grows and learns about themselves over time. I hope these things can be helpful if ever you find yourself feeling low about it, or lonely. We're all learning about ourselves as we go. You're not alone in figuring these things out and coming to terms with them.

Fitting in can be very important to us. There's nothing bad about wanting to fit in at all. I know I really want to fit in with people and my job involves having to be a real people person (when actually i'm a big introvert!). I personally prefer to mask because it helps me do my job. I've worked with actors a lot, and I've been able to learn from them how to be more friendly and open. Channelling their positive behaviours has really helped me in social situations in day to day, like speaking to bar staff, or talking on the phone. And the interesting thing is, the more confident I felt in those situations, the mask would naturally, unconsciously fade a little and little parts of the me underneath also come through. And I think that's a good thing.

So I think we can learn from masking and use it for the positive. Again, so long as it's healthy for you, and it's not causing you fatigue or distress.

Looking at this from the other side, as it were, who you are beneath the mask is also just another part of you.

It might feel tempting to think that in comparison to when you're masking this other side of you doesn't live up to expectations, however it's really important to be gentle and patient with ourselves.

I'm sorry to hear you feel childish and weak. It's easy to fall into judgement about these things, particularly if there are things we find difficult or stressful, or that give us overload. What's under the mask could be more vulnerable, and it takes a lot of courage to show that. Again I feel it's up to you, the individual, when you should choose to show it, rather than because there's a general consensus or pressure (unless it's actual advice from a professional etc.) We all move at our own pace.

If you're also new to all these concepts and coming to terms with it, it will be important to be as open-minded with yourself, and as gentle as possible. We can compare and judge ourselves against others, against what we think of as the "better" parts of ourselves and against what we think we ought to be, but it often only leads to us thinking we'll never be enough or that we're no good. And that's, naturally, not a nice way to live!

If you can, I think it's worth trying not to judge who you are beneath the mask. It might be a more vulnerable side to yourself, or that sees and experiences and reacts to things differently to how others might, but that's ok. It's just a part of what makes you the wonderful person you are.

And meanwhile, if you don't want to stop masking, and it's something that works for you, I reckon you shouldn't have to take it down unless you feel you're happy to. So, you can learn to accept what's underneath, and choose to mask when you want to.

That's my penny's worth anyhoo!

I hope that helps (sorry it's a bit long)

[growingpositively in reply to NotJim]

This helps massively, thank you! Don't worry about it being long! I'm really grateful. I haven't actually been diagnosed with ASD (as of yet, I'm starting the assessment Tuesday, eek!) and haven't actually been diagnosed with SPD either, but a professional did a professional assessment. I think I'm coming to terms with it a bit, but when stimming constantly asked if I'm okay or if I'm cold or if I'm anxious. I was doing it before automatically and now being told to do it to regulate.

I feel a bit like I don't fit in neurodiverse or neurotypical, so hoping the upcoming assessment almost helps me to find my place.

The interoception part is something I struggle with a lot, and am struggling to come to terms with... Literally being told my physical and mental feelings aren't what they are meant to be?! Isn't that what makes us human? When someone feels numb, someone else would remind them they feel things like hunger, pain. But to not...

Probably overthinking it just a bit.

[NotJim in reply to growingpositively]

I'm really glad it was helpful

Thinking introspectively can be a challenge I reckon. Perhaps just give yourself the time, there's no hurry to have it all worked out perfectly straight away.

And yep, I hope your assessments can help things feel clearer for you. Could be good to ask the assessors about any questions you have, and they may have some resources you can look in to afterwards as well.

There are things like The National Autistic Society - originalText and WrongPlanet originalText for people with ASD for example

Assessments can feel a bit daunting, I remember feeling quite nervous about mine! But it's definitely worthwhile exploring, whatever the outcome, because it's also just a nice opportunity to get to know how your mind works. Anyhoo, I hope they go well for you and that you can best out of them!

[Tronsformer]

Wow, thanks for sharing. And I feel like you! Though I’m still awaiting final assessment I’m very much Autistic/ definitely on the spectrum (I find it weird and poetic that I do not know what to describe myself as).

But I only became aware of and understanding that Autsim is a part of what I am, well into my 30’s (now 36). So I’ve spent a lifetime of building up my masking which I’ve always aligned with as ‘growing up’. So when you refer to how you feel as childlike I can relate and I think I get you. As for me the masking or dropping the mask makes me very vulnerable and really throws my mind off in any given situation when that happens. And this in itself is another ‘thing’ that I need to understand and get on top off.

And with Masking itself, Its taking me a while to come to terms with that and I find at times I accept it and reject it. I guess its a neurotypical/medical term to describe this phenomenon of ours. And simplified way to describe and catalogue it. Yet a brain like mine will interpret that as its a bad thing or a problem because it is seen in that way. Which is a default way my mind works. Which ironically is my ‘masking’ in full effect because something has been identified that can make you not fit in so I need to ‘mask’ it.

As I get to understand my condition and masking more I do find myself asking. Why is it a problem. The point of most treatment is for people on the spectrum to be as integrated ( or less problematic) to the ‘normal’ way of the world. So if masking aids that isn’t it a good thing?

But back to my point about it being a term to describe a person, I’m starting to conclude that my battle with coming to terms with my condition and what masking is, is simply that. Me trying to figure it all out.

So I think when we look at masking and recognise and then get confused with which one is right, masked or unmasked, or hearing what the general consensus should tell us to do, is that maybe we just need to be able to recognise it when it is happening and simply bookmark it.

That way we then think why and how it happened and that in turn should let us be able to cope with it better.

Kind of like, being nervous and scared before going on a ride. You know exactly why you are feeling that way. And when its over you move on.

So I’d love to reach that stage with my condition. I got proud when I was told I mask well, but then felt like a fraud but I like that masking protects my vulnerable side. And now I know my reasons for it I feel less like a fraud.

Thanks for sharing again. Hearing experiences like yours and being able to relate is sooo helpful & really helps 🙏🏽

[growingpositively in reply to Tronsformer]

So pleased it helps to hear it and you can relate. There really is an inner conflict that comes with it, isn't there. Great you are coming to terms with it and I hope it helps you to grow 🌻