My name is Yuya Kuruma. I was born on September 23, 1966 on a fishing boat off the coast of Tokyo, Japan. My father, who was a fisherman, randomly decided to bring my mother to a fishing trip even though he knew that she would give birth anytime. Nevertheless, my Mom gave birth normally but instead of doctors surrounding us during my birth, it was different kinds of shrimps and fish who greeted me into this world.
I grew up like how a normal child would. I learned how to speak when I was 2 years old; I learned how to write when I was 4 years old; and I memorized by heart all 17 different species of shrimp that can be found in the Sea of Japan when I was 8.
I wasn’t your normal first grader in school. When the teacher asked me to draw something, I would draw either a fish or a bunch of shrimp. When the teacher asked if we had any pets, I shouted “Shrimp”. And when the teacher asked me what I had for lunch, I said “Tonkatsu”.
I did pretty well in my academics. I was a straight A student all the way up until my third year of high school since my cooking teacher decided to give me a B since I would cook nothing but shrimp. This didn’t hinder me from getting into the college I want though.
I was 18 when I first entered college. I took Marine Biology as my course in the University of Tokyo so I could get to know fishes and shrimps more. Apparently, I was the only one who enrolled for that course so I was alone for the 4 years in college.
Fast forward to when I was 22. The boat my dad was on capsized in the sea near South Korea. Luckily, he survived. Five months later, the boat my dad was on capsized again, but this time, in the sea near North Korea; he didn’t survive. After my father’s death I left Japan and moved to New York to apply for a Masters Degree.
While in New York, I met an old man named John Klein. He looked like he was in his late 80’s. He told me all sorts of stories, ranging from the 1947 Roswell UFO crash to seeing a glimpse of Godzilla when he was fishing near Rhode Island. He also told me that not all shrimps are shrimps, he said that some are actually prawns. Before this moment, I never knew that prawns exist. The Japanese word for shrimp, “エビ”, was apparently exactly the same for prawn. He told me everything he knew about prawns, their differences with shrimp, their eating habits, even their migratory paths. I quickly fell in love with prawns and loved them as much as I loved shrimps.
From this point onwards, I devoted my life to shrimps. I founded a brand-new religion called Shrimpism where we worship the Shrimp God K’Tharon. I withdrew from getting my Masters Degree just to be a full-time Shrimp Preacher.
Three years later, my religion already had 14,500 followers. Sadly, John died two years prior to this and never got to see how popular my religion became. On December 14, 1991, I decided to go back to Tokyo for a joint expedition with the Japanese Marine Biology Committee. I was asked by their head to examine a newly found species of shellfish. They didn’t know if they should classify it as a shrimp or a prawn so they called me to do it instead.
When I got to Tokyo, I was met by a man named Jeremy Chrysler.
“Are you Mr. Kuruma?” He asked, “I’m Jeremy Chrysler from the Japanese Marine Biology Committee, nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you too.” I said.
“How’s your religion going?” He asked.
“Oh, it’s fine. There have been a few doubters but I understand why everyone doesn’t believe in an intergalactic omnipotent shellfish.”
“I see, well, we have a problem here in Japan. We do have followers of Shrimpism here but they have slightly different beliefs than yours.”
“They believe that prawns are false prophets.”
“Nani?!” I shouted, “But prawns and shrimps should always be together.”
“They believe that prawns are the messengers of the Flamingo Devil Plaxar. The prawns wear disguises to look like shrimp in order to fool humanity. Once eaten, these prawn messengers will release a deadly toxin called Vormutane which instantly stops the heart from beating.”
“That’s not true, shrimps and prawns are just brothers from a different mother.”
“I tried to tell them that but they won’t listen.” He said, “The head of Shrimpism here in Japan, Hiro Nagatsuka, is very closed-minded. He won’t listen to anyone but himself.”
“Where can I find him?” I asked.
“Oh, that’s easy, he’s also the head of the Japanese Marine Biology Committee.”
We quickly rode a bus into the heart of Tokyo to get to the JMBC HQ. When I entered the building, I noticed that the walls of the hallway were lined with framed preserved shrimps from all around the world. On one side was the African Black and Yellow Horned Shrimp, on the other side was the Alaskan Snow-Capped Shrimp.
“Here, this way.” Jeremy said as he pointed to a room, “This is Hiro’s office. Enter if you wish to speak to him.”
I entered the room but nothing was there. Suddenly the door behind me slammed shut and a white spotlight shined in the middle of the room. I heard footsteps, slowly getting louder and louder. Finally, a man with a black coat entered the spotlight.
“You must be Mr. Yuya Kuruma.” He said.
“Yes, and you are?”
“Hiro Nagatsuka.” He said, “I’m the head of the JMBC.”
“So, you’re the one who hates prawns, huh?”
“My hatred for prawns didn’t come randomly. While I was on the Research Team of the JMBC, my colleagues and I discovered a new species of prawn. It had black stripes across its body, long antennae which were longer than anything we’ve ever seen before, it even had red eyes that were able to see through your soul. Upon further examination, we discovered that inside their bodies was a chemical that has yet to be found on this planet, a chemical called Vormutane. We let our test rats in the lab drink the chemical and within twelve seconds, their heart stopped functioning. You see, these prawns are dangerous for human consumption, and that’s why I deemed them as ‘False Prophets’.”
“I don’t believe you.” I said, “I want to see it for myself.”
“See it? We could do better. We could let you eat one of the prawns and it’s up to you to decide if they’re good or not.”
The lights in the room suddenly opened and I was surrounded my hundreds of men in radiation suits. Hiro walked away and went inside a protected room with bullet-proof glass. I tried to chase him but the men in radiation suits quickly grabbed me and placed me into a metal chair. I was pushed towards the centre of the room where one man in a radiation suit was holding a plate with a single prawn in the centre. He carefully peeled the prawn and punctured the unpeeled prawn with his silver fork. He slowly lifted up the fork, placed it in front of my face and said: “Eat it or we will be the ones who’d kill you.”
I quickly prayed to our lord and saviour Shrimp God K’Tharon. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and in one quick single motion, I ate the prawn. In my head, I counted “12…11…10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…0!”
I opened my eyes and saw Hiro with a surprised but worried look on his face. The men in radiation suits were also in shock and released me from their grasps. I stood up from the metal chair and started walking towards Hiro.
“Stop him!” Hiro shouted as everyone in the room charged at me.
I was strong. I felt that at that point in time, no one can stop me. I dodged everyone in the room who was trying to grab me, not a single person laid their finger on me. I exited the room and chased Hiro into a control room. Inside the control room were people tied up. Hiro went to the back of the room where there was a safe. He opened it, and inside it was a gun.
“Don’t make me do this, Yuya.” He said.
Obviously, I didn’t listen and ran towards him at full speed. He tried to shoot me with his gun but I dodged every single bullet. When I reached him, I grabbed his neck and pummelled him to the ground. I grabbed his gun and said: “People like you don’t deserve to live” before shooting him in the head.
I untied everyone in the room, one of them really was the real JMBC Head named Tatsuya Togashi.
“Because you saved our lives, you would be the one who will name our newly discovered prawns.” Tatsuya said.
“You mean the one where Hiro said was dangerous to people?” I asked.
“Hiro was lying, the prawns weren’t poisonous. The prawns just accidentally strayed into a nearby oil rig where they absorbed unimaginable amounts of oil.”
“That’s really sad to here.” I said.
“And that’s not even the full story. This species of prawn has a really bad track record especially when migrating. They usually stray off course. Some prawns end up in Taiwan, while the others end up in Russia. Sometimes they even wander off to large schools of fish where majority get eaten. The worst part is they even get caught in the lines of commercial vessels where they get ripped to shreds with the engines.”
“Ah!” I shouted, “I know what to name them!”
“What?” He asked.
“A name that would truly fit their characteristics". "I’ll call them…accident prawns.”
Another day another other saga!!You couldn’t make it up!
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I told my GP to stop blaming my RA for everything, Doc Mattcass
Smile - sun is shining and I have got a funny - well amusing post
Another Dr
