Dare I say, I felt a bit less anxious today. (It's another long 'un.)

[casper99]

Hi everybody.

Thanks again for all our kind messages. It was really heartwarming. I'll try and take all the advice given.

My attempts at stopping smoking are continuing.

I have stopped twice before. once in 1993 but started again the year after. (Idiot.)

And again in 2004 because I had an xray and spiro at the onset of what they diagnosed as RA. I've never experienced pain like it. thought I was going to be a cripple for the rest of my life because I could hardly walk. I'm not.

The spirograph showed I was only blowing a bit lower than any one else my age. (Thats what the nurse said,) so I wasn't worried. I started smoking again in 2006 when my partner started again after 14 years when he got made redundant. (We were both stress heads.)

In 2008, I had told my Rheumy I kept getting out of breath and after an xray, she just said my lungs were fine, apart from the smoke damage and that I should try to stop smoking. I said, What, you can see I've been smoking on my lungs? and she just said yes. She was smiling away, so I didn't think It was that serious. There was no mention of COPD.

When I first saw the words COPD it was in July 2011, on a letter meant for the DWP from my Rhuemy. I wasn't aware I had any such thing so I decided it must be a miss print!!!

My oxygen was 89% and I remember saying that didn't sound too bad for my age and threw the letter in a drawer. Ha ha.

I could still dance, all night, at home every friday with my partner to our favourite 70's music and run up the stairs several times a day dispite having had Fybromyalgia added to my collection of ailments.

It was because my Rheumatologist ordered a ct scan in December 2011, looking for something serious that I could have up with my lungs due to my now suspected Lupus, that caused a letter to come out saying the result had shown severe reductions in something, I've lost the letter but I think l it said 37%, but that I had admitted to smoking beforehand.(This was when my partner was dying.)

He later said my emphysema was moderate.

I got my spirograph results in 2012, she showed me the graph ( the bottom end of mild.)

Another one 2 months later, don't ask me why i had to have another, showed me as moderate. the nurse reacted like I was pegging it. She frightened me to death by asking me didn't I feel ill? repeatedly taking my finger pulse, ect... I said I only felt a bit warm and my chest felt tight. Two days later I was walking up a very steep hill and couldn't hardly breath.

the Dr said it was an excurbation.

April this year, I had a shorter version of the spiro test. My severe anxiety attacks were in full swing.

The nurse said something was 67, so I was mild, but, I noticed that this was after she had me use the ventolin. She said 80 was what she would have expected. My oxygen was 100%.

My Dr said It was fairly mild. I think he was trying to make me calm down.

He must have also written something to my Rhuemy about my anxiety because he made me have another Xray last month which he insisted I look at. For a split second, I thought of making a break for it - but i didn't. He put it up against my last one and said that nothing has changed and my lungs are fine.

I didn't know what I was looking at really, they just looked like lungs. I also felt sick, so I didn't want to ask him anything else. Maybe next time. He's fantastic, by the way.

I realise now, I haven't known when I've had a chest infection/excurbation..

I always swore blind I'd never had one in my life, until the one last summer. Now, looking back, I've had at least 2 or 3 in the last few years. I just used to blame everything on the lupus/fibro.

So, I THINK I'm moderate, for now. I know I have to stop smoking as soon asap..

I've been in a surprisingly good mood today, the first in many a moon, hence my nervous gabbing and feeble attempts at humour.

Yesterday, was one of the worst days in a couple of weeks, so I guess I'm going to be up and down for some time but that is better than the all down of the last year and a half.

Thank you for reading and

If I get on anyone's nerves, please feel free to tell me to put a sock in it.

Casper.

[scrobbitty]

Nah - not getting on my nerves in the slightest and I wear odd socks every day so can't spare one.

I'm just at the start of the Lupus trail and trying, unsuccessfully at the moment to even get an appointment with the Rheumy lot. I think full moon and Lupus is linked LOL (oh just me, then!) Take care and let us know how you get on or just jump in and talk about anything that worries you or makes you laugh, we're all ears xx

[Hidden]

Have to start calling you Wolfenscrobbs

[Hidden]

Good luck with the stopping smoking! Hope that today is a much better day and the start of many more better days! with love TAD xx

[Hidden]

When you're ready to stop smoking, you'll find a lot of support and encouragement on here

Sandra x x x

[casper99]

Thanks for the replies. Been fighting the anxiety for 2 hours this morning but will battle on.

I think because I'm waking up wanting a cig, and knowing what they have done/are doing to me, is actually making me stress much worse.

Anway, I'm off to town to get my ecig looked at because I think the juice has got in the filter so I daren't use it, my tongue was burning with the perfumy taste, yuk.

You all make me feel more positive, thank you.

Casper.

[Hidden]

hi keep at it,if its helping for now get e cig,no cigs rite,if u blew 67 ur moderate like me,the gps nurse told me I had lungs of a 90yr old /mind I never even asked her anything,on hear ive learned they tell u all that to frighten u into not smoking ,ive not had a cig over 6month now on diagonose,and finding out wat copd was,why they don't blve you wen u tell them u are not smoking beets me/but they can blve wat they want I no so that's it,take control of ur life .we still have 1,its not the systems life its your life ,

[KingoftheCocktails]

Keep it up.Try some KOTC humour to keep you smiling

Richard

Your daily humour tonic

[nixy]

Hi, casper99, welcome indeed. There are a lot of us on here trying to stop smoking. Some find it really easy others find it very hard. I found it hard but I am still not smoking, gave up just over 4 months ago. So anytime you want a chat there will be someone on here to talk about chest problems or giving up the fags. Good luck let us know how you are doing