I hope you've enjoyed reading the articles about moving to Ireland as much as I've enjoyed writing them...it felt quite odd going back twenty years to the way our lives were then. In some ways it feels like it all happened yesterday and at others it seems to have happened to other people and we were there simply looking in...peeking through the windows.
We've never kept in contact with anyone we knew back then...apart from Harry, who had become a personal friend rather than our immediate boss...
I didn't want to know...it was as simple as that.
It was as though the door shut firmly on the life we led with our people...teaching K. to shower on her own...choose her own clothes for the coming day...remembering the sheer horror of the time I dropped a dish of lasagne and swore out loud...one of our ladies, who had very limited speech, repeated the word I used with great relish and I was terrified she'd repeat it when her Mother visited...letting G. and T. go by themselves to play Bingo at the seaside...the time T. told the Doctor we'd made him stay up all night painting the outside furniture...
G. getting himself so excited about Christmas that he'd have a migraine and need to go to bed before dinner was finished...
Going by ambulance with a police escort when another T. had put her head through the glass in the front door for the umpteenth time...
Audrey, biking like the devil was at her heels to our house the time I'd been interviewed on the radio...and Audrey was well over seventy years.
The carol service we had one Christmas...Carols by Candlelight...the church choir turned up and the organist and the house was stuffed to the very rafters and we ran out of punch within the first ten minutes and I was tipping whatever appeared to be vaguely alcoholic into a huge saucepan...there were crowds of people sitting three abreast on the stairs and everyone sang their hearts out.
There was the day we took everyone to Southwold and Jo-Jo leapt over the seawall and came to no harm and we stopped at a bakers shop and the lady serving gave me a huge box of assorted cream cakes and said there was no charge...
Jo-Jo once ate all the oranges in the fruit bowl before she was taken out somewhere or other by a po-faced S.W. she had violent diarrhoea and was sick into the bargain...all over his back seat.
I'd told him she'd found the oranges and had eaten them, peel and all...
The endless meetings with sober suited SW's and people from the Courts and introducing one to the other and getting the names totally wrong, while the parrot shrieked and I made coffee and tried hard to show an interest while they spoke about sharing their diaries and having a free window...and the resident baby grizzled and I was worrying about a pie I'd put in the oven.
I found I could get rid of them quickly when the girls school bus arrived outside the door...I'd let dear little M. into the dining room and she'd home in on the person the least likely to be nice to her...twisting her fingers round and dribbling copiously, she'd lean heavily on a trousered leg...leaving snail trails on a sharp crease. I'd pretend to have not noticed.
It wasn't our people who were the problem...it was the increasing number of rules and regulations...some were completely ludicrous...everyone must keep their medication in their own rooms was quite probably the worst...every week more and more paperwork came through in the post until we were drowning under a flood of regulations and forms.
It was a different time and a different life.
Thank you for bearing with me and for reading.
37 Replies
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Were you foster parents Vashti ?
in reply to
We were...began as respite carers for children with special needs...to give their parents a break...then to fostering and from that we went into caring for adults with challenging behaviour and special needs...we ended up with pre-adoption babies as well...so at any one time we'd have a baby...three adults and a couple of children.
Ah yes...paperwork... the fifty to a hundred page reports gleamed from endless logs, and reports from doctors, solicitors, therapists, social workers, health visitors, guardians, etc. etc. for the courts. The endless obs, and hourly reports, incident reports...the endless meetings...and so on. I'm tired just thinking about it!
Must say, like you, I loved my hands on but hated the although our residents were quite a different mix to yours.
Loved your depiction Vasti!
Sorry Argana for jumping on your reply x
This was meant for Vasti. I tried to move the text with no luck.
It was well worth the read thoroughly enjoyed . Xx Sonia xx
I've thoroughly enjoyed the whole saga as well Vashti. Apologies for all the questions, your story just gripped my imagination. But it doesn't surprise me. I always knew there was a story there waiting to be told. And I'm sure you're not finished yet
in reply to
I don't mind the questions in the least...ask away...lol
Loved every word!! Please write some more..I want to know how it all went in your new place..won't be able to sleep at night now if you don't carry on..no pressure
Morning Vashti, as usual, so good to read and very informative, you must have despaired with all the Red Tape you encountered, How lucky all the people you looked after were to have joined such a happy family.Reagrds to you and himself Bulpit
Morning, Vashti, this sounds like the end of the saga, please tell me it's not. I've so enjoyed your stories, and know there must be more. I'm sure I can speak for everyone when I say we all want to know what happened next, how did the actual move go and how did you find the quiet without all the people you shared your life and house with? I await with baited breath the continuation of your story.
I hang on every word you write Vashti. It's obvious that you have some wonderful memories and that they are still so alive in your mind. I only wish my life had been more interesting so that I could talk about it so descriptively. You are a great writer and have definitely missed your calling - though I'm sure you were great Foster Parents! I used to be the Manager for a book publishers and believe me, some of the rubbish that was published should have been on a string in the loo! Your wonderful way with words draws pictures, and if I were still in publishing I would definitely be after you and your wonderful stories.
I save up your posts for special times when I've got my feet up.
I im there in your recollections having worked in the care world too.
You're prompting me to recall many dear people I'd also put out of my mind. People like dear awful Cat, who saved her wee until she was in a crowded street in South London to drop her drawers to pee in the gutter.
And dear Robert omg where are they now? It breaks your heart to think what may have become of them without the understanding & tlc.
I will never forget Robert. The day I took him shopping (because I didn't trust his carers not to rob him or buy him cheap ill-fitting stuff.
In the middle of the House of Fraser store in Croyden, "I've gotta go Penelope. NOW Penelope".
The nearest exit being through lingerie and making a beeline. Robert halting every few seconds to shake his leg, I looked back to see a trail of plops had fallen out of his trouser leg. How I moved out of that store to the carpark. (I never did go back)! Now the problem of getting and his stinky trousers, shoes and socks home.
I found some newspaper to cover the car seat, put his feet in carrier bags, roof down on my old Golf convertible (it was freezing January) for the pong and hell for leather home. His address is still imprinted on my brain. A lovely rented chalet bungalow in Caterham for he and his best friend Frank. They'd been holed up in a mental hospital from 13 because they were different. Robert was tall and strong and could look after himself while Frank was tiny the abuse he suffered from both staff and patients is indescribable.
They were the happiest they'd ever been in their early 60's to finally have a home of their own in a community with kind accepting people.
Oh dear...I'm afraid I laughed and laughed over poor Robert...and Cat. I read it all out to Himself and he fell about...we've looked after people just like them... bless their hearts...I hope your Robert and Cat are cared for and much loved for themselves...I do so hope Frank finally found some peace, free from abuse.
Frank is definitely at peace now. Poor soul had lung cancer from the millions of fags they smoked.
Due to his past he had a terrible fear of doctors, nurses, hospitals and dentists so taking him to the gp or hospital was a nightmare for him. He'd shout and swear if anyone came near him and of course all they saw was a nasty little person. I used to take him, really it was so we could have the paperwork to prove he wasn't neglected. I recall explaining to every member of staff the one time in hospital, from the cleaner to the consultant that his words weren't personal, that he was terrified, they never got it, not in their scope of understanding.
Eventually the wretched reports were done so we could care for him in his own home until the end a few months later.
The staff were marvelous really even the ones who'd robbed them sat up all night holding his hand. We took turns, everyone went above and beyond for them. I arranged a counselling session for the whole team afterwards because we all deserved it. The company paid
Wow, You are very brave to have undertaken al this. Fascinating to read you, charming even, but tough at times. Yo've got a good heart to have done all this.
Omg Vashti, what an absolute blessing you are!!! I never want your episodes to end!! Get so excited about you awesome gift of words, if I had the breath I'd be dancing all around my room. Thank you sooooo much for sharing!! What a bright light you shine in our lives.
Another lovely story Vashti, was the Southwold you referred to in Suffolk by any chance? Xx
in reply to
It is...do you know Southwold? If you do you might know the really deep drop to the beach from the promenade...I had Jo-Jo on one of those bungee things...one end on my wrist and other on hers...she simply took a flying leap and landed on the sand...not a bother on her!
in reply to
I do indeed, lived there for a few years, now about 8 miles away. Love it in the winter but it's much to busy for me in summer! It's a small world isn't it? Also gather you used to foster children, as did i. I take it Jo- Jo is one of your children, she must have enjoyed Southwold as well!! Love Kin Xx
in reply to
It is a small world indeed! Jo-Jo had special needs...we only had her at weekends...she was a handful!
We fostered for many years but only special needs children and then later on we had adults as well...couldn't do it now...lol
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