I'm having trouble moving on from a weird experience I had on the psych ward. Can any of you help me? I had a conversation with a patient where he mentioned a lot of things, such as the UK program Heartbeat, the film Labyrinth, South Park etc. Then every conversation I had with friends afterwards had the same things come up. So for example I spoke to my friend for the first time after the conversation with this patient and she brought up Heartbeat which she's never mentioned before. My husband spoke to me for the first time since the conversation with the patient and he mentioned the road layout near the psych ward being like a labyrinth etc etc. This really freaked me out, could it really just be coincidence or is it something else?
I also spoke to a lady patient who seemed like she was acting. She said I was hypnotised and if I went with her to the corridor I would be taken to another hospital and hypnotised differently, and that my husband won't always be himself but that's ok. She said the other patient I spoke to was one of the bullies and he could help me, and that's why I was talking to him.
I also played a game of scrabble with a couple of people on the ward just before I had to leave to go to the MBU and 2 words I got and had to play were 'voices' and 'fallen' it really freaked me out as if I was supposed to have worked something out whilst I was there, but I hadn't so I had 'fallen'. Then the MBU I went to was called Hellesdon hospital and I thought I had gone to hell.
In the MBU I kept thinking the staff were talking cryptically to me/about me too. At one point one nurse walked into the footstool in my room in the middle of the night and said I almost fell, and then I thought she said soon you'll be crying because you with have had a fall of some kind. I don't know if I was just tired abd misheard her, but that's whwt it sounded like. When some of us went for a walk one day one of the members of staff started talking to an old lady and said she was proud about something, then the old lady said be careful, pride comes before a fall. That scared me as well as I thought it was directed at me.
There were a few more things like this, but I haven't mentioned them as already a long post.
Is this just a bunch of coincidences and comments from other ill people, or is something else perhaps going on? How can I move on from it if I don't understand it? Have any of you ever experienced anything like this? I remember someone replied to a previous post of mine to say that they thought the staff in the MBU were doing things to wind her up. I'm really scared.
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Zebrawhite
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I'm sorry that things are feeling scary and linked at the moment.
I had PP back in 2002 and spent a month on a psychiatric ward before going to the MBU. I also remember having strange experiences during the psychotic phase of the illness. When the TV was on I remember it seeming like there were messages on the programme aimed directly at me. Like they were talking directly to me and I was seeing links to things everywhere too. It can be a scary and confusing time.
I remember thinking that the staff on the psychiatric ward were acting or pretending that I was unwell and that at any moment they would say, 'Ha ha only joking. You can go home'.
These experiences feel very real at the time and you may never get to the bottom of exactly what it all means but gradually you will start to feel better and these things that are bothering you will reduce and not seem so important.
You don't say where you are in your recovery at the moment? Are you in the MBU or have you been discharged?
How are you in yourself? Are you able to concentrate on anything that would take your mind off your worries? When I was on the ward we were able to paint and I found that quite calming.
Have you told your husband how you're feeling? It might help you feel less scared to be able to express how you're feeling to someone. I hope it has helped you writing it all down here.
I'm four months discharged from hospital and thought by now I should feel ok. In myself I am still quite anxious and my confidence has been knocked. I haven't really been able to focus on anything to take my mind off of things lately. I have told my husband how I feel but he doesn't understand and get frustrated as he just wants me to be well.
I'm sorry you're struggling trying to make sense of some things that were said when you were in hospital.
Like Redtap, I believed the staff (and patients) were actors when I was a patient in the MBU. I had to avoid the TV as similarly, I thought I was in the Truman Show and everyone was there just for me. It is a very scary and confusing time.
I found hidden meaning in things everywhere (for me, all the posters on the ward had special meaning, I'd read into anything that was said to me) - I was desperately trying to find the 'answer' for this code I needed to crack, and that can take time to move past.
You probably wouldn't have normally noticed the words people were using, like your husband using the word labyrinth, but with that heightened awareness and seeing links and meaning everywhere, I'm sure these really jumped out at you.
As you say, it is difficult to move on from things when you can't understand or explain them, but please be reassured that a lot of us have been where you are and it will get easier. Keep talking to us, to your husband, and to those supporting you. Hopefully it helps to share how you're feeling and the thoughts you're having.
Finding something that is calming, grounding, and distracts you from your worries is a good idea - have you found anything that seems to help at all? If you're feeling very anxious, there are some resources for 'tackling worries' on the NHS website that might be helpful to have a look at, it includes a short 'mindful breathing' video - nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/m...
Take good care, you're not alone and we're all here to listen.
Hi Jenny, I also read into signs and posters on the ward as well. It helps to know others have experienced this reading into things/finding links to everything stuff. It feels like a load off my mind to write what happened here. Thank you for the link, I will have a look at it
I had similar experiences with thinking people were actors. I also thought staff were talking cryptically about me too, I remember quite a few conversations and I’d text my mum saying they’re talking about me again but she’d always convince me otherwise despite how much I’d believe it at the time. I also thought I’d misheard things or there were voices in my head. For example one night, I was having a psychotic episode and I was telling the nurse they’re going to take my baby - she said and I know for sure she said this as i was looking at her “no one is going to take her, you’re an amazing mummy” then when I turned my back, I heard “but if they are, you need to make sure she’s in a fresh nappy and baby grow, and sit with her on your lap on the chair in the corner”. Looking back, I can only assume I was hearing voices. But it’s safe to say I avoided that chair like the plague!
It can be really difficult to relive these memories but you’re not alone in your experiences. Keep talking to people, whether that be here or through APP directly, or family and friends but I know this can be hard if people worry about you or just want you to “be better”. You almost have to put a mask on and pretend you don’t have these worries.
Just to say I really identify with this I had a couple of phrases follow me around after discharge I would be trying to get on with my life but would over hear something on the bus then the next day someone would say the same phrase when I ordered a coffee it's really upsetting and unsettling and I wondered if I was truly better this particular phrase is 3 /4 words long so felt unlikely to be a coincidence and really tapped into paranoid thoughts grounding techniques helped me anything to keep me in the present moment and also reassuring myself that just because its unlikely doesn't make it impossible these people don't know me or understand the impact of that phrase I would physically imagine those words on a ballon and watch it float away and I took a lot of comfort knowing if they knew the impact they would never of said it in the first place that phrase will probably alway trigger me a bit but with fullness of time and distance it does get better
Your post is so relatable. I had very similar experiences to yours and to so many who have shared here. I found that dates and numbers were also very meaningful, and sometimes repetitive. By now what’s given me comfort is accepting that life is filled with mystery, and there are some things that we just aren’t meant to find out or understand. We can’t know everything, and frankly, I wouldn’t want to! Just know that you are not alone, and that love is what matters. If you have people or animals in your life who you love, focus on them, especially when times get hard. Love heals!
Hi Zebrawhite your post totally speaks to me as my whole experience in the ward was very similar. I also had a weird moment with scrabble and confusion about decisions I made in life, winning the lottery, my soul being on trial in there, people talking about me, winking at me when I left to go to the MBU. Now, I think some things had meaning, and there was a lot spiritually that happened for me on this journey, so I know I'm not totally mad. I have a strong faith in God now and take a lot from my experience of having PP.
However, you should look up the term Aberrant Salience - 'a tendency to give irrelevant stimuli undue importance, which can lead to inappropriate behavior and associations'. I learnt this term from my support worker who had PP and her brother also had psychosis as a child.
I think when you are in a state of psychosis, everything becomes a sign and you are not able to decipher what is relevant to you and what is not. What is the universe speaking to you, and what is you in a fear state. It is a horrible place to be and hard to get control of when you are not in a great place mentally and physically. I think the brain in psychosis cannot filter out in the way it usually does and you become hyper vigilant and paranoid. This causes so much confusion and fear.
You are never alone. For me, there have been lots of triggers, but being aware of how the mind works during psychosis, and aware of my triggers has helped me realise they have no power over me. It takes time to process everything you have been through and to let go of those scary experiences. Do the things you enjoy, and find that joy again to not live in a place of fear. Keep talking and sharing how you are feeling to. This is a safe space 💜
Just remember to breath and ground in those moments. Writing down your thoughts helps to get them out, and rereading them. That has helped me to process a lot xx
It is 7 years since my last psychotic episode and I remember still having lots of things happen to me that were very similar to what you’ve experienced. I had a traumatic time on the psyc ward involving staff and other patients who were looking back, ill at the same time too. Please don’t worry you will be fine and you have the support of everybody here. Sending love. Xx
I'm so sorry you are struggling this way. As you've seen from your replies, what you experienced in the psychosis is something a lot of us can relate to. I definitely saw signs everywhere, as others have said I think the psychosis can make our brains make connections everywhere.
I wondered if you have been offered any therapy, particularly trauma therapy? It sounds like to me that you are struggling with quite a bit of trauma after experiencing the psychosis, being triggered quite a lot by memories etc, quite a lot of people struggle with PTSD after pp. I know others who have been offered EMDR therapy for example, which has really helped them. Perhaps this is something you could ask your mental health team about?
I hope these memories and thoughts will improve with time, and I hope that it has at least helped a bit to know what you are feeling and experiencing is really normal after experiencing pp.
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