As the title says, it's been 4.5 months since I was hospitalized. I'm currently off the antipsychotic (was weaned by my doctor- I realize it's not common treatment in the UK but that's the treatment I've been given) and have been taking an antidepressant for about 3 weeks. The thing is, I feel nowhere near normal but what's "off" is almost impossible to put into words. I'm at a point where I can seemingly function on the outside (I can interact with people as if I'm "normal", I can go grocery shopping, take the public transport, etc.) but all the while I feel totally detached from everything around me and like I don't know who I am. I can "say" who I am, I can tell you my name and my biography and I remember my life and everything that has happened since my daughter was born, but none of it feels like "me" and this life doesn't feel like life if that makes any sense. When I walk by places that I have some memories associated with I feel like I am dead and revisiting places I was while alive. I also have this feeling that all of this that has happened has beens some kind of bad dream, but the thing is.. I still feel like I am in that bad dream even though based on my daily activities and compared to how I was 4 months ago I am "much better". Did anyone feel the same way at the 4-5 month mark? I'm sorry if I keep asking similar questions, I just really wish I could hear what it felt like for others when they were not psychotic but were still not "themselves". At this point it feels like I'll be stuck here forever and I may as well just end it.