5 years on and stuck in a rut

[ChloeJane1997]

Hi everyone!

I'm 5 years on from my Post- Partum Psychosis episode.

I'm having an awfully tough time mentally and physically.

My son has lived with his dad for nearly 3 years now due to my mental health never stabilising after ppp.

(We decided this mutually)

I have alot of trauma from the pap episode and have never recovered from that.

I'm trying to manage my daily living along with all my existing physical and mental health conditions, and I am having a very hard time.

I am seeking the support I need and looking into extra people to help with some things, I just feel so alone and broken at the moment

Much love and hugs to all you mothers who have gone through what we have gone through. Never lose hope, I still hold on to the tiny glimmer🤞🏻

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hi ChloeJane1997

Thank you for reaching out here, I know it's not an easy thing to do. I hope you'll find lots of support and community here.

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time at the moment, both mentally and physically - it sounds like a lot to manage and I'm really glad you're seeking out some extra support.

I'm sorry you have a lot of trauma from your PP episode that you've never recovered from, is this something you've ever had any therapy for? I wonder if there is perhaps more awareness and availability of trauma therapy than there might have been 5 years ago? It might be an avenue you've already gone down of course, but if not do think about having a chat with your GP or mental health team if you're under one...

Do you manage any activities that bring you some joy, or is there anything you've maybe enjoyed in the past and could revisit? It's hard to feel stuck in a rut and especially if you're feeling alone. Do hold on to that hope though and know you can write here any time and find a whole group of people who will listen and send you some hugs right back in your direction.

Sending very best wishes,

Jenny x

[ChloeJane1997 in reply to Jenny_at_APP]

Hi jenny

Thank you for your kind words!

I haven't had specific trauma therapy but I've had counselling which has been helpful to an extent, I am back under the mental health team awaiting to speak to a psychologist to see if some form of trauma based intervention is going to be the best route. (I believe it to be)

I enjoy crochet, poetry art, ukulele, video games and other crafty bits and bobs. My motivation is fluctuating alot and I'm getting quite agoraphobic but I am taking one day at a time

I will always be grateful for APP and the support it has provided me in the past and to this day.

Whilst I do video gaming, I do fundraise and spread awareness for PPP.

I'm trying my best to set up a gaming schedule, but motivation and other mental health difficulties are proving a little tough.

But its very meaningful to me.

Thank you again. I hope your having a good week

CeeJae xxx

[Maria_at_APP Moderator in reply to ChloeJane1997]

Hello ChloeJane1997,

I resonate with you in that I also love video games and it must be so fulfilling that you are spreading awareness and fundraise for ppp through that platform.

I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing some agarophobia, and I am hoping that the referral for therapy through the mental health team gives you what you need.

My daughter is also 5 and the anniversary of pp last September hit me hard. I also have a diagnosis of bipolar, which I manage with medication in my case. But I needed some adjustments to my drugs to get me to some stability in my life.

It's good you do so many different things. Crochet is quite meditative and grounding, anything that involves a manual activity I find it very relaxing. Colouring is another one.

Do you attend any of the APP cafe groups? I find them excellent places for connecting with other mums that get it.

I also wanted to share with you the 5 steps to wellbeing from the NHS site:

nhs.uk/mental-health/self-h...

Take very good care, we are here for you whatever you want to share

Maria

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello ChloeJane1997

I’m sorry you are having such a hard time since your PP and other health issues. Being separated from your son through no fault of your own must be very tough.

It’s good that you are seeking out extra support for yourself. I wonder if the Home-Start charity might also be able to help at home via home-start.org.uk. Perhaps you might be helped to go out for a walk rather than isolating yourself and being alone with your thoughts.

We are all here to listen ... you are not alone. Take care 🌻

[JosephineFay]

Hi Chloe Jane, CJ, I'm really sorry that you've been separated from your son this happened to me and wreaked havoc on my mental health. But in hindsight I wish I had given up my son to my mum in law or my sister or any family member as this would have given him the stability that every child needs. Do you get to see your son regularly and do you have a support network. I know that when I do manage to see my busy friends and family it literally is what helps me through. Have you been given an ongoing diagnosis and are you back at work in this last 5 years? I find that working part time helps me to take my mind off the bad memories and my present challenges. It's been 19 years since I had my first psychotic episode. I tried speaking to a clinical psychologist at the community mental health team and they talked about cbt for trauma. I declined this as I felt that my depression and mental health challenges has become entrenched and I need longer term talking therapy. I now have this with a private psychiatrist.

Jo