Hi, I’ve been struggling lately and things rapidly took a downturn and I’m not quite clear on the exact order of events but I’m currently in a psychiatric hospital for the first time in my life and I am so scared, lonely and bewildered much of the time.
I was never hospitalised with my PP episode and current events only share some similarities, not all.
I’m dosed up to the nines and scared of losing the voices that have been comforting me. A lot of times I’m not sure where I am and why/how.
I know many on here have been in hospital before so I suppose I’m just hoping for a little comfort. Even just something funny or silly to take my mind off things would be lovely. The more I try to make sense of things the more confused and upset I get. What a pickle to get in to. Thanks.
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SammySeal
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I’m sorry to read you’re in hospital. It must be very difficult being somewhere new and unfamiliar when so confused but know you’re safe and that people are there to help you.
I expect that to start with the focus will be on trying to treat your symptoms but I hope you’re able to have visitors? Do ask for some items from home, anything you find a comfort...
I know many here have experience of hospital admissions. I was admitted to an MBU when I experienced PP and was also extremely confused about where I was and why a lot of the time. Try to rest and try to trust the staff, it will get easier.
I’m sending you much love Sammy. Know we’re all here thinking of you.
I’m sure you’re feeling so confused and lost right now. As hard as it will be to accept, you are somewhere safe where you can access to 24 hour help, something that you just can’t get at home.
I was in a general psychiatric ward for a few days and then later on spent a long time at an MBU. It will get easier and you will start to feel better!
As Jenny said, any home comforts are always good to have and try to rest as much as you can. Your body is going through a trauma and needs time to heal.
Thanks for reaching out at such an unsettling time for you. I’m sorry you have been struggling lately. It must be a frightening experience to be admitted to a psychiatric unit for the first time. I remember years ago how daunting that was when I was sectioned and admitted. A strange place with other poorly patients and I also wondered why.
You have probably been suffering in silence but now you can have the care you need. Try not to worry, it’s very hard to make sense of anything when you’re not feeling well. For now, take your time to rest ... you are in the right place to get better and we are all here for you. Take care 🌻
Hi SammySeal, I am saddened to read that you have been admitted to hospital, it can be an unsettling place and not much is explained beforehand. But you are safe at the moment and in the care of professionals who will look after you.I spent some time in a general psychiatric unit when I had Psychosis after giving birth to my daughter, like others have mentioned it may be hard to make sense of things at this point so try to focus on your rest.
You have us here always, at the drop of a line, and we will hold your hand while you go through this. Thinking of you,
I'm so sorry you're in hospital, and are feeling scared and lonely.
I was in a general psychiatric unit earlier this year, which was a shock, and at first I found very difficult, I was scared too, and felt very lonely as well, but it was a safe place for me, and helped me to get better. You will come through this time too, and get better and be yourself again.
It's so good you've reached out here. Know you can write any time. We are all here for you.
Hi SammySeal. I’m glad you felt able to get in touch but sad to hear you’ve been hospitalised. As others have said you’re in a safe place and hopefully you’ll get all the rest and care needed.
Your story really resonates with me! I was hospitalised for the first time ever with psychosis earlier this year. I’ve had PP twice before (with the birth of my two sons) but never ended up in hospital. Things just suddenly deteriorated after a period of stress and a run of very poor sleep…..
Being hospital was very lonely sometimes yes , utterly confusing and at times a very scary experience. At points I believed I was Kylie and was singing widely in the shower as it echoed down the hall! I’m usually so quiet but I felt such freedom! Next I was trying to save the planet etc and pulling up plants from the garden area (with my bare hands) to put on the windowsill in my room….and throwing sachets of sauce out the windows to help plant more tomatoes!!? I even wore my trousers on my head as a turbin. Just because I could! It all made sense at the time Some of it just brought me such great joy and release (even amongst all the terror…..)
Ultimately it was all very healing. It’s almost like I got opportunity to recover parts of myself that I never got back before.
The hospital NHS staff were so compassionate and patient too when I was at my most vulnerable. I will never forget them. I really hope that will be your experience too. They did our NHS so proud and I’ve since written to thank them.
I wasn’t even sure of my own name sometimes! What I found particularly difficult was not being able to see my sons until I was allowed out for a visit to a park with my husband too
I wonder is there anything that might help you feel less confused or lonely? Like I found asking for a pen/pencil useful so I could make notes, keep a track of the days/times as I lost my watch and initially had no phone etc. That alone would be disorientating for anyone I feel not least someone experiencing psychosis. I also joined the art group which I loved. Would anything like that be available or helpful? It really relaxed me which was so important in my recovery. My mum also bought in my yoga mat which I used in my room.
Please know that you will get better and things will start to make more sense in time. Best wishes. I will be thinking of you.
I loved reading your reply just now, it sounds like you really understand what it’s like. I think I’m getting better in here but it’s hard to say exactly. I’m definitely better than I was on the first few days. I still have times when I’m very confused about why I’m here. Yesterday I got it into my head that it was because I had failed a school exam. It so odd, I can actually remember it but today I clearly know that can’t be a correct memory. Strange what the brain can do!
Your singing thing made me smile. I sing a lot (badly) and always have, but out in the real world I’m in a choir for people who feel they can’t sing but like to anyway, so yes, I too really go for it singing in the shower etc in here.
My seeing n hearing people that others don’t has subsided hugely, but I actually miss it in many ways though it is less confusing at least. I still have the odd episode where I lose a couple of hours and run n hide. Dissociation I guess. Keep causing drama when they can’t find me. But yes, the staff are lovely here. Unfortunately it is a good hour from my home so my husband can’t visit lots but does most days. I miss my kids terribly but am worried if I met them I would get so upset and it would upset them. Maybe soon.
I’ve been colouring and writing out song lyrics a lot to keep busy. They said I can go outside but I’m scared I’ll run off atm. I’ve been over to an adjacent building to do some activities twice which was great, but I was a shaking mess for about 2 hrs after each time. Obvs far too exciting for me lol
Anyways, is nice to compare notes on our similar experiences. Thank you so much. Xx
Hi SammySeal I wonder how you are doing this weekend?
It was good to hear you felt you were getting better in your last post. I remember the confusion lifting while in hospital and it was such a relief. Like I remember one patient I made friends with telling me she thought we were part of an experiment. But I remember reassuring her that we weren’t as I’d told her the experiment idea a few days earlier when I’d been more unwell. And now I didn’t believe that! Coming back to myself was so wonderful. I look back and smile about it now but it was so confusing during that time and going through the process of healing. The staff were especially patient during all that time.
I love music. I too was in a choir! It was a mix of great singers and people who just had a go like me! My memories of certain songs we did were so strong I could almost feel the choir with me at my darkest times in the ward. It was so comforting and uplifting. Magical really. The power of music to soothe and heal.
I’m pleased to hear the staff are nice. And I hope you will get to see your children when you/they are ready. I’m sure it will be a special time. Best wishes Sammy
If you don't mind me asking what made you choose the username SammySeal. Just curious. Seale was my maiden name so we have lots around the house.
Glad the staff are looking after you. I was also in a MBA that was at least an hour from home so I understand how tricky that can be (my older kids were both under five when I was admitted. I'm hoping you get more visitors soon when you're ready as it does help.
I do hope so very much that you feel better, soon. I was connecting with you on private chat, but by then you must have felt already extremely poorly.
It is so good that you get a lot of responses from all of us, who have been in a hospital or MBU. Wishing you well from the bottom of my heart and I am thinking of you. xxx
I'm really sorry to hear that things had got a lot worse with your mental health and that you're in hospital at the moment. I spent quite a few periods of time in general psychiatric wards during the course of my recovery so I hope the following things I learned over those admissions are helpful and reassuring.
I know the days can feel very disorientating and time can drag without the usual jobs or company of home life - it's great that you're already finding gentle activities like colouring and writing song lyrics to soothe you and give some structure to the day.
I used to find it hard to concentrate on reading a book or newspaper, but found poems or magazines like "Breathe" and favourite children's books/picture books really nice to read. I used to listen to a lot of music as well and use the lyrics to help me cry if I needed to cry!
I was wondering with missing the comforting voices whether you might enjoy listening to some stories, poems or nice podcasts - maybe a sense of compassionate company?
It can often seem like the staff are so busy, but over time I learned that it was absolutely OK to ask a nurse, OT or HCA to take some time with me in a quiet space or side room. When the ward was overwhelming I found these chats could be really helpful for processing my thoughts.
The last thing I was remembering is that I found comforting smells and textures really helpful in soothing distress. Friends sent in some lavender bags and nice body shop things, and I wore softer pyjamas and jumpers, and asked to have a blanket from home.
Go gently with yourself, rest when you can and know that everyone at home will be OK - when you're ready you will see your kids - I used to do some colouring, stickers or playdough with my girls when they visited the family room. When I felt more confident we'd often go to a park or cafe so the visit was a bit more like normal family time.
It's good to hear you're feeling a bit better on the ward, and have found some things to occupy you as well, it's good to hear the staff are lovely, the most important thing I think.
When I was on a ward earlier this year I found writing helpful too, that's lovely writing out song lyrics. I also did some colouring, doodling and sketching.
I hope you'll continue to feel more and more yourself. And when you're ready you'll be able to see your children.
Sorry to hear you are in hospital, it can be very unsettling in the first few days. I hope you are adjusting to being in hospital and beginning to feel better.
My husband brought me my iPod and my watch as some of the things that might help me. Knowing the time was useful and I could listen to my music. He also brought pictures of our family and I put them on my wall.
Hope you are doing ok. Sometimes I found too many visitors overwhelming.
thanks everyone for virtually being there for me. I think I’m making good progress though have had some bad times too. The other night they called the doctor to tranquilize me as I was like an out of control rhino! I got to see my children for the first time in ages yesterday which was so lovely, it’s given me a real boost to stay strong and not give up.
Am a bit worried as husband said social services are coming to see the children today so he can’t visit. Hopefully it’s just protocol as I’m sure husband is doing grand taking care of them.
My visitors to my mind that no one else can see have stopped now and I don’t miss them too much. It’s my rubbish short term memory that’s so annoying. I’d rather I could forget bad things from many years ago, not forget whether or not I’ve had lunch! They’re doing various scans to see whether it’s anything more than dissociation.
Afternoon SammySeal, Rachel here part of the peer support team. I’m glad to read your update thank you for checking in here to let us know how you’re doing.
Glad you feel you’re making progress, although I remember too feeling frustrated by any setback. It’s the progress in between that’ll be happening hopefully - it’s good you’re getting all the support. Lots of rest and self care.
Try not to worry about the social services visit, I’m sure in time you’ll be able to speak with them too if you’d like to. When I was very poorly they spoke with my husband too and I was reassured that they are looking after the whole family - us mums included.
Sorry you’re struggling with memory at times, I hope that’ll start to get better soon. It’s really good the doctors are looking into if it could be anything else. Hope that’s reassuring for you. Lots of rest, I know people say that and it can feel frustrating (trust me, I’ve been there!) but it really did help me get better alongside the help and support in hospital.
It's lovely to read your update, and that you feel you're slowly getting better. I really hope your short term memory improves, it's good that they're checking it out too.
That's lovely you got to see your children the other day, I'm glad it went well.
And yes, try not to worry too much about social services. They will just be wanting to make sure your family are ok.
I'm thinking of you, know you can write here anytime,
I’m really sorry to hear you took a downturn and needed up in a unit. Trust that everyone is there to support you. I was in an MBU last year and to echo what someone else has written, I found it helpful to soothe myself with some home comforts like fluffy socks, soft pyjamas and some lavender bags. Take a step at a time and you will get there.
Just an update to say I’m still in hospital and still getting better. Thank you for your kind messages. Have had a big shuffle round of meds so had an awful few days but think I’m starting to settle into them a bit now. Have had a number of bad nights but they are getting fewer. I haven’t had any voices for about a week now, only a few external hallucinations which is pretty normal for me. Memory still shocking. Mood up n down like a yo yo.
Psychiatrist said yesterday I can go home for Christmas n Boxing Day to see how I go but have to come back as it’s still ‘early days’. The early days thing threw me a bit as I thought I was doing really well and about ready for discharge. Also even tho being home at Christmas is what I want I’m nervous about it as of course I’ve had no involvement at all in organising Christmas and the day itself holds a lot of pressure to be jolly, which I want to be for my kids, but what if I have a bad turn or just need to sleep etc. It’d kind of be easier if the trial days were just like a random mid week day!xx
It's lovely to read your update, I have been thinking of you. It's good to hear you are feeling better and that things are going in the right direction.
That's great you have some home leave over Christmas. I know that there is pressure to be jolly as you say, but hopefully your family can help keep it a calm day for you. I do hope you have a lovely time. I hope you can take it easy and have a rest when you need to.
Thinking of you, know we're here if you want to write
Thank you for updating us, it's good to hear things are moving in the right direction and you're settling into the new meds. Try not to worry about the 'early days' comment, just take things a day at a time and know you're making good progress.
That's really good news that you can be at home for Christmas. I completely understand you feeling nervous about it but know your family will just be happy to have you there - maybe let your husband know how you're feeling and it might help to break the days up a bit so you plan in plenty of rest and keep things quite calm. Try not to put pressure on yourself ❤️
Hello my dear, I just wanted to give you a big hug through the phone 💜 you’re an amazing fighter and you will get through this!
You survived pp and you will survive this too.
Im so sorry you’re so confused and hospitalised, must feel very odd, but like others have said you’ve got 24 hour help which is amazing. Which hopefully means a faster recovery for you.
It’s good that you have a few days home leave over the Christmas holiday. I hope the house won’t be too busy although your family must be excited to have you home. Just go with the flow .... don’t put too much pressure on yourself and rest if you feel the need.
Hi SammySeal please accept a virtual hug and a hand hold.
My wife was hospitalised after she gave birth to our son, when he was 8 weeks old and she 8 weeks PP and diagnosed with PPpsychosis.
It was a scary time for us all. But also helped us on our journey as we realised that a lot of my wife symptoms were not just psychosis from being post partum but secondary to another condition which can cause similar symptoms to PP psychosis - and although it took a few weeks for them to get to this conclusion it helped massively in her long term management.
I note you posted this 23 days ago. How are you doing now? X
Just to let you know I was discharged as an in-patient today! I was a bit nervous about it but at the discharge meeting I found out that my key worker in the community team will be a lovely lady who my husband says (I don’t remember) helped massively with getting me the help I needed when I was at my worst. I have an appointment with her tomorrow so I feel that I will be supported properly now I’m home which is a relief.
I feel more stable mood-wise than I have in years and no more voices in over a week. The side effects of the various new meds are the worst of it now, but I’ll gladly take them compared to how I was 6wks ago.
Thank you all for your kind support when I was very scared. You are a fab bunch.
I hope you are settling in at home since being discharged and your key worker in the community team is a good support. Take your time and rest as much as you can. 🌹
Hi SammySeal, such good news. Hope the first days at home have gone smoothly and you are slowly getting back into the routine. Take really good care, we are here for whatever you need
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Some of it just brought me such great joy and release (even amongst all the terror…..)
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