Hi forum community,
I was shocked, traumatised and deeply saddened to find that my dream of having a family started in what I can only describe as a nightmare.
My wonderful son is truly beautiful and healthy and I cling onto the extraordinary proud feeling I have being his mummy every day.
...but now only six weeks after having him and five six weeks on from diagnosis I feel so poorly still and so alone.
My family are amazing and have been so supportive in what has been a shocking situation for everyone.
But I certainly didn't expect motherhood to start with a daily battle as it does, of me trying to be a 'normal' mummy but falling short and tiring myself out by lunchtime every day. The tiredness is painful, and I'm left mourning all the things I want to be able to do with my son.
I've been home from hospital for three weeks so I know it's "early days" but when will I start to feel better. I seem to have one good day to every two bad ones.
The hardest part is that I'm surrounded by loving family and professionals, the latter of whom have been very open about not having treated anyone with PP before. So I'm left feeling as though no one will ever understand. How can I ever come to terms and move on from what's happened?
But today, while lying under a duvet warm and cosy while little one is taken for a walk by his nana, I started reading the forum posts. And found a few glimmers of light.
For a start, I'm definitely not as alone in my feelings as I first thought.