Myself and my Partner are considering Baby number two and are planning to start trying this year.
I am so excited about the idea of having another Baby and a sibling for my perfect little Boy however I am also so, so scared about the idea of becoming unwell again.
I'm not sleeping well recently as I keep worrying I'm going to lose my mind and not be in touch with reality. I am planning on going on medication immediately post birth but I worry what if I become unwell during pregnancy this time around and I don't realise. I'm with my little Boy all day and I worry what if I'm out or home and become unable to care for him and no one is there to intervene. I would love another Baby but I do not under any circumstances want it to negatively affect my little Boy in any way. He's an amazing little Boy and I couldn't love him anymore than I do.
I keep having nightmares recently about becoming unwell and no one noticing. In the nightmare I'm telling people I'm not right but they're not hearing me and I'm not understanding their response. At one point I'm knocking on the window for help and no one is coming. I know it doesn't sound bad when reading about the nightmare but whilst I'm in it, it's absolutely terrifying - I believe it's fear led.
Please can you tell me your experience and whether you had this worry when planning or becoming pregnant with another Baby post illness? How was the pregnancy? Were you fearful the whole way through? Did you go on medication and at what point? Did you become unwell again?
Thank you so much!
Take care.
N x
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Rainbow9725
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I’m sorry you’re feeling so fearful of the thought of being unwell again with a second pregnancy, and that this is affecting your sleep and causing nightmares - I can imagine how terrifying those must feel.
I remember the strong muddle of emotions when thinking about a further pregnancy after having PP with my first, the desire and excitement of having another baby but the worry and fear of being unwell again and as you say, the impact that might have on my son.
Have you had preconception counselling to talk through your options and the support you would have if you were to get pregnant? I appreciate this won’t take away all of your concerns, but hopefully it will offer a lot of reassurance.
I put a lot of plans in place for if I did become unwell a second time, to a point that I felt comfortable (enough) that if I did start showing any symptoms of PP, we knew what to do and how to get help. I think having it all written down and thinking through various scenarios helped me to order things in my mind - I’m sure everyone is different in how they approach things, but this was helpful to me… I’m not saying I was anxiety free, it was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, but talking through my worries and planning around those definitely helped. Have you talked to your family about your fears? Including them will hopefully help reassure you that they would be looking out for you and know what to watch for…
You should have support from a perinatal team through your pregnancy which would involve keeping a check on your mood and your plans around medication could always change if it was felt to be needed.
I completely understand your fears around your son. Maybe think through some ways you could feel reassured on a day to day basis - just checking in with a loved one through the day so you don’t feel you’re on your own might make a big difference. Make sure you have a network of support around you, it’s not all on you.
I started taking medication about 36 hours after delivery (after going home from hospital) and I did stay well the second time. One day at a time - try to keep yourself in the present as much as you can, anxiety can be so debilitating.
If you’re in the UK and might be interested in some 1:1 peer support do get in touch. I’m sure APP’s planning pregnancy information has probably been shared already but I’m sharing that again here just in case. There’s a template plan document to add to this page, if you’d like that sharing with you just drop me a message
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply and for sharing your experience. I'm so happy that the pregnancy and postpartum went well for you. May I ask when you became well the first time around please? Also, with the second pregnancy did you have someone with you daily towards the end to ensure you didn't become unwell? Was it Olanzapine you took?
I know for me I became anxious during the pregnancy, regularly visiting hospital to check my Baby's movements but I don't believe I was unwell at that point. I became unwell two weeks postpartum but I know there were things leading up to this with regards to high anxiety although I was still functioning well.
I have had a meeting with the perinatal team and they did go through things but with the hopes I don't sound rude or ungrateful, I didn't find it very helpful. They were lovely but I didn't feel in that meeting very reassured or supported at this point. That could possibly change with the reality of becoming pregnant. It may have been because at present I am not pregnant and therefore not needing support.
I think putting plans in place and sharing them with everyone would be helpful. That fear however is so hard to bat away 😔. The fear around my Son is a big one, I need him to be safe at all times especially whilst we're out with potential dangers around us. Even the thought of not being in my right mind and not able to protect him scares me so much.
I became unwell about 3 weeks after the birth with my first son - that was when I became completely unable to switch off or sleep (after not getting much up until that point) and things quickly unravelled from there. My son was 3.5 weeks when I was admitted to the MBU. I was well through pregnancy but extremely anxious after he was born - in retrospect way too anxious, but at the time you don't know what's normal for a new mum do you... I took Quetiapine which worked well for me. I was told it was likely things would follow a similar timeframe if I became well again, but I'm sure people have different experiences. I went onto a low dose of Quetiapine after coming home from hospital with my second and stayed on that dose for 6 months.
I felt physically well through my second pregnancy (more sick than the first and more tired as there was a 3 year old in the mix too) and to be honest I don't think it really occurred to me to worry about my mental health until after the baby was born as I'd been fine in pregnancy the first time. They did ask me about my mood at my antenatal appointments (I wasn't under the care of a perinatal mental health team as there wasn't one in my area at the time, but I was under consultant-led care antenatally with more appointments than I'd have had otherwise, and outreach support from a mental health specialist nurse later on in the pregnancy to help put plans together) but I always felt ok apart from a bit of anxiety which I think is only to be expected. I don't remember making sure I had someone with me all the time, but I was working and there were always people around that I could have called on for support if I'd felt I needed it. I know it's so difficult worrying about all the 'what if' scenarios when it's all such a big unknown, but when you are pregnant you will manage any concerns as they arise and have support around you. If being on your own with your son is a major concern to you, maybe you could plan to be with other people as much as possible - at least to start with - and hopefully your confidence will grow and the anxiety lessen as time passes and you know how you feel (which is an unknown at the moment, like worrying about how you'll feel when you go to a new place, but once you're there it's a completely different situation, if that makes sense).
I'm sorry the meeting you've had didn't feel very helpful, but hopefully you're right in that more will be offered once you are pregnant.
I'll DM you about the template plan now
Be gentle on yourself and keep writing and asking questions whenever it helps.
I am sorry to hear that you are having nightmares and anxiety fears over becoming unwell with a second baby. It is such a shame that this moment of planning and expectation is spoilt by the worries over pp.
I felt similar conflicting emotions when I was planning my second baby. On the one hand I was looking forward to welcoming a sibling for my daughter and hoping to have the "normal" postpartum experience which I didn't get first time around, but on the other hand I was constantly second guessing my decision and fearing that I was risking myself and my family when we had fought so hard to reach normality again.
When my son was born and through my pregnancy, him and I were closely observed. I took medication for the last 2-3 weeks of my pregnancy (I can't exactly remember), taking the lowest dose of Olanzapine. It was then increased after the birth and I stayed on 5 mg for 6 months when I started to wean off. I remained well with no repeat of pp. But I did get some mild to moderate depression a couple of months after birth. I did not need to go to an mbu for it and was able to treat it at home with medication and therapy.
Feel free to message me if you want to chat. One thing that helped me a lot during that second pregnancy and some time after birth was to be put in touch with a peer support volunteer with whom I messaged and shared some of my worries and concerns. It is so good to get someone to listen who has been through what you are going through.
Take really good care and I wish you all the best in the near future,
Hi there! Congratulations on coming to a decision to bring another life into the world My husband and I are on a similar journey. I had my daughter in 2023 and we are planning a pregnancy this year. So for starters I would address the current anxiety you are experiencing. (Since you also had some anxiety when you were pregnant the first time around.) Speak with your psychiatrist and if necessary go on a low dose medication for anxiety. But perhaps when you have a solid plan in place you’ll find some of these anxious thoughts dissipating. I typed out a pregnancy/birth plan for myself - how my symptoms started, what medications worked, what hospital I want to stay at in case I have another episode, etc. Another thing that helped ease my nerves is that my psychiatrist said that if it does happen again - it will likely follow a similar pattern. In my case it happened 5 days post birth with severe mood swings and lack of sleep that happened for all the days prior to that. So that’s another thing - if it happens it usually doesn’t just happen out of the blue. There are some symptoms that can present like rapid depression or hypomania or lack of sleep, etc. so you and family can watch out for those. Even if you are alone with your child during the day - at night I’m assuming your husband is with you and can notice your mood. Do check in daily if you can with your mom or a best friend, even if it’s on the phone. Another thing my therapist recommended is keeping a mood diary throughout the entire pregnancy. Like a daily check-in with yourself. You can research online how to keep a mood diary - I think people with bipolar do this and find it helpful in predicting their moods. Do you have a therapist as well as a psychiatrist? It would probably be good to see a therapist monthly throughout your pregnancy and may be even more frequently as you get closer to delivery. Also if you have ANY even small strange. symptoms don’t be afraid to speak with your psychiatrist to go on low dose antidepressant/anti anxiety medications or even mood stabilizers. My understanding is they are safe in pregnancy & can give you an extra layer of protection. Just surround yourself with a mental health team, and close friends/family that you can share your daily life with and all will be well. You’ll feel safe that you can catch anything early and be well. Sending peaceful thoughts your way.
PS. Another thing we are planning on is when I deliver the second baby my mom will take my daughter for the first couple of weeks to stay at her house. That way my daughter is safe and if I have any mood symptoms or have to go to hospital she won’t be around to see it. But these are worst case scenarios. I like to be prepared for the worst but hope for the best. My doctor is confident I won’t have a repeat of the episode but in the off chance that it does happen it will be much milder since I will be premedicated.
If you can have family or close friends help out as much as you can for the first month post birth at least or even hire a night nanny if you can afford it that would be helpful I think.
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