Depression after psychosis

[Bertie88]

How many people had to battle with depression after psychosis? My little girl is 2 and I am really struggling with depression and feeling so low. Is there light at the end of the tunnel? Would love to hear people’s experiences? X

[Hazello Volunteer]

Hi Bertie 88,

My wee boy is 3 and I have felt a lot better last few months. I think we're all so unique and our circumstances are all different but I think that it is fairly typical to have an extended period of depression afterwards. I don't fully understand why that is but I know for me my confidence was affected by things being so different to how I'd expected and that didn't help. CBT has been helpful for me to help me learn to accept my circumstances and not catastrophise but I'm still on that journey.

Best wishes to you, it definitely will get better with time. Hardest bit is being patient while you wait.

Xxx

[Bumblebeeee]

Speaking from past experience with depression, I felt a lot better when my daughter got to about 3. Things seemed to just click back into place. This time I’m struggling but having good days too it’s very up and down. But I’m holding on to the fact that I will be a lot better in the next couple of years. Slowly improving. Just remember, every day is a step closer 😘

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Bertie88

Welcome to the forum where you will find lots of support and shared experiences. I'm sorry you are still battling depression. I had PP twice many years ago and during my recovery I suffered severe depression. With my second son the depression seemed never ending and kept me down for a year or more. It is an awful experience as it affected my confidence and belief in my ability to parent.

Is it possible you can ask your GP for a referral to counselling as it would probably help to talk and let all your feelings out? I was given medication and other treatment which eventually worked for me. There is light at the end of the tunnel if you access support for yourself. You have been through so much with PP which is enough in itself but depression for me was like trying to climb a slippery slope and failing, until I asked for help.

There's a lovely poem "A bit of hope" written by a mum on the forum who composed it as a way of lifting herself when she felt really low. If you type "A little bit of hope" into the 'search' box on the top right of this page and filter to 'my communities' you should be able to find it. Be kind to yourself and please find the help you need as depression can be all-consuming.

We are all here to listen. Take care.

[Mims2014]

Me, I felt low, empty, lacked motivation. Improved at 1.5 years then 3.5 years fully. I thought of it as my brain rebooting post psychosis. I hope it improves for you soon - have you mentioned it to GP?

[Pikorua Volunteer]

Hello dearest Bertie88,

pleased to meet you on this forum. It is such a good place to be and it certainly helped me through some of my darkest times.

Like Hazello said, we are all so unique, despite suffering with the same traumatising illness. I believe you have had already some comforting responses and no doubt, it will pass eventually. Some of the ladies I met on here suffered depression and are doing absolutely fine now.

I am slowly on the up, but my case is different as I have been diagnosed with Bipolar 1 last year. In case of BP spectrum is multi-faced...triggers via the external world are a big cause for anxiety, insomnia and mind racing....however, I find Lows extremely difficult as I am predominantly on the other extreme of hyper mania.

I paint, do gardening, meditation, reiki, yoga and have loads of quality time with my son. Might you I am so fortunate in being loved and helped when poorly...A support network really does help...

Look after yourself and hope that I could comfort you a bit...

x

[Kaaybee]

Hi Bertie88

My PP defined me for a long time after. I did improve around 12 months but I lived in the shadow probably for an additional couple of years. Things very gradually get better.

I suffered PP in 2001 and made a full recovery with no depression or anxiety until recently with peri menopause. There is light at the end of the tunnel and this time symptoms are mild and under control.

Be kind to yourself, and time to recover from it all. some days just showing up is an achievement to be recognised.

Lots of love.

[MeganNicole]

My daughter is 18 months and yes depression has been real & denial of for a while too! I finally got help. A few months ago I made the choice to start Therapy because Post pardum psychosis was so traumatic. It has effected my relationship so much too with my baby's Father. I had been on a low dose of Zoloft for a while which helped a little but I knew I was still not better because no interest in things I used to be interested in and I didn't want to really even leave our house the first year of my daughters life. I am now on a different anti depressant and it's helping so much+ meds for my Adhd again. I really encourage you to find a good therapist and place where you can possibly get a medication to help. Even if it's temporary medicine is so helpful right now. I can finally feel happy and think clearly through the healing process. Prayers for your journey Mama! Yes, it does get better. Reach out! ❤️

[Bertie88]

Thank you Megan. It’s good to hear others experiences. I feel like I’ve lost part of myself, my husband says I’m not the same person I was before PP. I just want to be my old self again. I’ve just started a new antidepressant so hoping that helps. X

[Ines19 Volunteer in reply to Bertie88]

Hi

I remember my husband telling me exactly the same thing and feeling so hurt about it.

I mean if you went through cancer that would definitely change you as well, would he be then saying the same thing?

PP is so traumatic if affects your body and soul. You will never be the same because you will become a better version of yourself in time. Xx

[Gina139693]

Hi Bertie88-

Yes, after dealing with postpartum psychosis I had depression. My confidence and respect for myself were sorely lacking for quite some time. Some days I was struggling minute to minute. I knew I was doing better when I no longer dreaded each hour. It is a painful and humbling experience. Now I just look for moments of love, respect and safety to get me through. It has been five years since the birth of my daughter and I am finally able to rejoice with her. We all recover at different speeds and through different experiences. Yes, you will find your light at the end of the tunnel. I found that when I was not finding the light at the end of the tunnel it was because I has forgotten how to safely, respectfully and lovingly take care of the light within myself.

Journey on. Much love.

[Pikorua Volunteer]

How are you today Bertie88 ?

Sending you love and kindness. Forum members on here are very sensitive souls and are absolutely amazing mums.

Being in acceptance with oneself and loving yourself is part of the evolvement of rejuvenation after our traumatising experience of PPP and for some with ongoing mental health challenges.

I am not the same and can not do the things I've done before, but my life has enriched my soul on many different levels.

Nobody stays the same, when open to learning, because life affects us on many levels in many ways.

Big hug,

x

[Bertie88]

Hi there, I’m doing much better thank you, trying to remain positive and be proud of how far I have come, although I still have down moments they are getting less and less. I’m lucky to have such a good support network. Pleased I joined this site too as I’ve had such lovely responses. So many brave women doing amazing jobs in bringing up their children. I think the toughest part for me is the under confidence in being in my own with my daughter, I doubt myself and think I won’t be able to cope, every time I am on my own we manage just fine, I know I’m being silly. Xxx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hi Bertie88

So pleased to hear you are doing much better. I think you should be very proud of how far you have moved on since such a traumatic illness and also battling depression. In time your confidence will fully return and being on your own with your daughter will be a walk in the park and your doubts will disappear. You're not being silly at all, I think climbing back after depression is a big hurdle .....when I had it I was always being hard on myself that I wasn't good enough.

I think Gina's observation that, especially after PP, we have to lovingly care for the light within ourselves is important. After being through so much, even two years on, I found it difficult to come to terms with what had happened out of the blue. As you say there are many brave women here, just like you, bringing up their children and the forum is a great space for all of us to 'meet'. Children bring so much joy .... I'm sure just a smile of recognition from your daughter can brighten your day and you have so many memories to make and treasure.

My rebuke to PP and depression is Elton John "I'm still standing" and it always gives me a lift if I watch the video on YouTube, even after all these years Take good care of yourself ... there is definitely a light and full life at the end of the tunnel. Xxx

[Teresa_K_S Volunteer]

Hi Bertie88,

I think struggles with depression following PPP is common. It was certainly the case for me. It can seem a long road to full recovery. I'm glad youve been feeling better the past few days. I think you are right in saying that the down days gradually get less and less.

Confidence did take a long time to return for me. Some days I would sail through and others days I would ring my mum or friend for extra help. Certainly managing on my own was one of my biggest anxieties so I would take each day as it came and if I needed help I would ask for it. I was lucky that both my parents were retired and they could be there for me at the drop of a hat as I only lived in the next town allong. As you have such good support use it and dont feel guilt or tell yourself other mums can manage so why cant you! etc etc. Then on the weeks when you are feeling stronger you can venture without support and amaze yourself how well you do.

I also found short courses helpful for me. An anxiety course I did was particularly helpful. If you have a chat with your doctor or community mental health team there should be a selection of all different courses. Some of which may benefit you and help with confidence

Take Care

Teresa x

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hi Bertie88

I hope you are continuing to feel more confident in looking after your daughter. It does take time but the self doubt will fade and you will realise how amazing you are Take care. x

[Pikorua Volunteer]

Hello Bertie88,

how are you?

Sometimes I struggle with lows, but only recently more frequently as I have taken CBD oil (hempseed) since December last year. My spectrum curve has dropped since then.

I do not like lows, but appear to cope slightly better with my Insomnia and Anxiety issues, part of my unique chronic condition, cause the spectrum is extremely diverse.

After PPP in 2010 my disposition has evolved into BP1 and in the first five years I used to be continuously on a permanent high, which my partner finds so much harder to cope with than being depressed.

Yes, be kind to yourself, take slow measures and in my case I avoid people who are judgmental or living in constant drive of comparison.

I love my Reiki, practise people crowed once a week by attending a Yoga group...I have learnt to develop some beautiful friendships and only over the last few years I learnt to trust again...

I gained more confidence since 2016 and onwards with the help of APP.

So pleased you found this site...you will find your way...we all have found our purpose and manage to prioritise...mums are really amazing on this site...I am continuously learning.

Look after yourself.

x