Feel so low

[Astarlove]

What do i do to veg my co ection wuth my son back and to. Get emotions. Back. Um. Always anxious about it everyday and um impatient. How did u guys cope being emotionless and not feel like a mother. Um tired of this situation. Is there any medication which can help? Um also very anxious and never happy

[NanaJudith_APP_Vol Volunteer]

Dear Astarlove,

I am so very sorry that you feel so low at the moment. Try if you can to be patient with yourself, you have been through a lot and sadly this illness may take it’s own time but you can get better. I should say that I did not suffer Postpartum Psychosis myself, my daughter did six years ago also at Christmastime, she is well now. I can understand how distressing it must be to feel emotionless and maybe disconnected. Unfortunately recovery can be up and down and every Mummy who has been through this awful illness is different but if you can try to rest and give yourself the time to heal. I noticed that you had had some good thoughts already from some of the brave Mums on the APP site, when you feel up to it perhaps give some of the ideas a try, personally I think fresh air and exercise are helpful. Also maybe think about contacting your doctor or medical team if you feel you are becoming too anxious. Christmas as well as being a joyful time of year, can also be such a pressured anxious time. I do hope that you are surrounded by kind, understanding family and friends, I think that to be very helpful too.

Be patient and kind to yourself. ‘This too shall pass’ is a mantra I try to hang onto. You will, I am sure, bond fully with your lovely son as my daughter did her baby son and you can feel happy again.

Thinking of you and sending a big hug.

Wishing you peace and health for Christmas and in the New Year.

Judith x

[Astarlove in reply to NanaJudith_APP_Vol]

Thank you so much. Patience. Is one thi um praying for. Its. Been 6mnths if suffering

[Ramlah_at_APP Volunteer]

I am so sorry to hear you are feeling anxious and not happy. The best connection with your child at an young age is body contact  e.g hugs and kisses. Focus on your breathing and hearts beating together.  Reading stories is great for little ones for building that connection and singing nursery rhymes to them.

I’m terms of medication; It will be best to speak to your medical team , as they we will be the best people to provide you with the right medication.

Take care

Merry Christmas Eve xx

[Astarlove in reply to Ramlah_at_APP]

Thank you will do that. Today enjoyed jist being around him

[Ramlah_at_APP Volunteer in reply to Astarlove]

Aww I am glad you enjoyed being around him today , I hope you have more positive days to come xx

[Maria_at_APP Moderator]

Hi Astarlove,It was very hard for me, that what you describe so well of not feeling like a mother. I remember a phrase from one of my psychiatrists in the mbu at the time: "this period of time, although it must feel like eternity now, is in fact short when compared to the lifetime of your daughter and you". That phrase gave me respite, because it was so reassuring to know that I would not feel this way forever, and that many good memories were going to come. The good times, laughter and love came back for me 100%, it took time, but they definitely did.

The holiday period is particularly hard. The level of expectation is so high, so just be ever so kind to yourself, sometimes for me that means to do what my body tells me to, rather than what I would like to do, if that makes sense.

Will be thinking of you today, sending you massive hugs

[Astarlove in reply to Maria_at_APP]

Thank you for your love. Its so encouraging to note that there is somone who also experienced not feelinv like a mother and it healed. How did you help yourself to coppe duting that phase. Did it come back when you where in thr hospital or later when you where at home. Did you jist wake up and it was. Back or u were surprised later only to realise it but don't know how long it took. Its so hard to cope at times.i feel funny esp after stopping ghe meds ny mind feels like its healing strange like not yet there. How. Do i help myself to vet there?

[Maria_at_APP Moderator in reply to Astarlove]

Merry Xmas Astarlove, for me I would say that my daughter had passed her 1st bday bfore I could say I loved her. That is how I felt deep down. Recovery is really individual and though for some it may be sooner for others it could be longer. It was not a light switch moment, it had gradually built up till that point and I realised it probably much later. Something really small that I think helped me was to look at a pic of me and my daughter taken 2 or 3 months after coming out of hospital looking at each other very sweetly. It made me realise a bit that even though I did not "feel those feelings", a) my daughter was receiving the communication she needed from me and b) somewhere I must have those feelings that I do not yet feel, because otherwise how would I be looking at her in that way?

Take really good care

[Kat_at_APP Volunteer]

dear Astarlove

I can only repeat what the others have said above - particularly around being kind to yourself, and seeing how far you have come. I know how awful this recovery process can feel, and that feeling of disconnection is so real - but it does pass. Do speak to your doctor about medication - it might be they can adjust dosages. For me I found quetiapine worked better than olanzapine - it made me feel more of myself, if that makes sense. But everyone reacts differently so it’s often a case of trial and error.

You might also want to ask / explore parent-infant psychotherapy if that’s something your trust offers?

I hope you have a happy day today despite everything - we are all here for you and wishing you and your family all the very best.

Love Kat

[Astarlove in reply to Kat_at_APP]

Thanks kate. Olazopine didn't work fir me as well. Was put on respiradone. It was much better but still didnt really feel like myself myself. Somedays felt good other not so good. I have stopped meds. Just on clonazopam for sleeping. Still have ups and downs do t know if thats the process. And. Numbness has n emotions havnt yet really come back. And its 3 weeks since ive stopped the meds. Dnt know how long it will take for me to have emotions back and to feel llike a mom again. The way i am. Looki g forward to feeli g like a mom heish ita too much

[Bumblebeeee]

try not to be so hard on yourself. My daughter is 4 now and I still feel like I don’t know her as her dad has bought her up. But we still have a good relationship. Try and take the pressure off yourself of thinking how things should be in your mind and jusr go with the flow. Your relationship will get there one day you will feel it just click. But until then be easy on yourself. Being a mum is so hard especially when poorly so just try not to think of how you think things should be and just take it one day at a time x