I posted about this under a different thread, but wanted to put it out there to see if anyone has some more advice or anything for me.
I haven’t been stable since I had PPP two years ago with my second son. I have rapid cycling bipolar and have been having a mood episode every couple of weeks. I’ve tried lots of different medications and none of them have really worked very well.
I’ve just been moved onto Quetiapine and am up to the target dose, after cross tapering with olanzapine.
It will be a few weeks until I will know if this medication has worked for me. I’m in absolute despair. I feel so intensely anxious all of the time, wanting to know if this has worked. Every day seems never ending and I don’t know how I can get through this.
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MotherOfBears
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I’m so sorry you’re feeling so anxious, waiting to see if this medication will work for you. It must be so hard when you’ve tried different medications and you are still not feeling yourself.
I hope you can somehow find things to distract yourself as I imagine thinking about it a lot doesn’t help?
Do you have some support from a psychologist at all who might be able to suggest strategies to manage the anxiety?
You will come through this motherofbears, you have already got better than you were, it can just take time and be up and down.
Hi MotherOfBears, I imagine you must be feeling really anxious at the moment and just wanting to know if the medication will be able to manage your symptoms. Trips do cause me stress and specially the first time going to a new place or doing something different, I have never dared to go camping even though I have the itch to do it, so massively well done to you. Reminding yourself of grounding techniques will be useful for you at the moment. Anxiety is so unpleasant and all consuming. Sometimes just noticing it and talking about it can help, so do come here if you want to just do a brain dump, we are all here to listen.
I can't comment on the new medication as I have only been on Olanzapine since the start however my episode was over two years ago and I struggle daily with crippling anxiety and low mood. I'm currently having counselling for both but I'm finding this quite difficult as I'm having to talk about my episode of PPP and it's triggering.
I'm so sorry you're struggling this way. What we have all gone through is VERY challenging and VERY scary. Although it's been some time I think recovery for majority of us takes a long time and also acceptance of what has happened as it's very traumatic.
I hope you're new medication is right for you and that you're able to move forward.
we haven't spoken before, but looking through your posts I can see you've been through so much.
When I had pp I had to try quite a few different anti psychotics before I found one that worked for me. And it took years before I could say I was recovered. When I was ill I remember thinking this is it now I'll never be better. But I did get there, and I'm sure you will too.
I understand the despair you're feeling. But you're not alone.
I’m sorry to hear you haven’t been stable since your pp. I too was like that after my pp episode 4 years ago. I had an episode when I stopped breastfeeding and then episodes every month as I developed PME. Olanzapine is the first antipsychotic to be able to mute most of my symptoms. So much so I’m thinking of coming down on it as I feel a little bit too stable , if that’s possible. It’s a very very good medicine.
Quetiapine didn’t work for me, I think they started me way too high dose without building it up and I felt absolutely nothing, like all my emotions were gone. I was very physically unwell, but I think my experience may have been very different if they built it up slowly. And perhaps it just didn’t match my body chemistry at all. It works well for so many people though. There’s a bipolar group on Facebook and lots of people have good success with quetiapine. But maybe my advice would be to not let them put you on a really high dose straight away and let it build up in your body. Bit obviously everyone’s really different and that may work for you if you’re already on a high dose of other medications.
I’m sure you will find something that works really well for your chemistry and start to be more stable xx
How was olanzapine for you?
Keep fighting mama, you will come out of the other side xx
It took me years to stabilize. You are not alone. I was initially prescribed Risperidone but found the side effects rough, so then I got Quetiapine under the name Seroquel here in the US. Take heart, I did very well with this medication! I felt much better once I started it. The main side effects I had from it were sedation and weight gain. My mood was very much better and it did a very good job at stabilizing me and controlling psychosis. I have bipolar 2.
I stayed on Seroquel for several years. I hope it works as well for you as it worked for me. Hang in there, things will get better. It takes time. Keep us posted.
Hugs and a virtual cup of tea from across the ocean.
thank you everyone for taking the time to reply and share you experiences and advice.
As part of my care I see an occupational therapist. We talked about taking one day at a time, ans just thinking “today is Monday and today I’m going to xyz”
One day at a time. Every day is one day closer to recovery
I’m not doing too badly, thanks. The severe anxiety has calmed down and I am distracting myself. Every day I remain well I feel more positive.
It’s strange though, I seem to be in a perpetual low mood, which isn’t how I have been before - I’ve been more up and down. I wonder if, now I haven’t had the bad down, I’m not getting the up either.
Anyway, I have to remind myself it is early days. And not get too excited at the prospect of a really big change.
Oh and the camping was meh. It rained! Our tent leaked! And I was there with other school parents and I was expecting some good getting to know you conversations, but they just weren’t coming. Usually I’m confident talking to new people but I felt really overwhelmed and disconnected. I wonder if it was the low mood.
But a massive positive is that Joshy had the best time playing with his little friends 😊
That's good to hear that the severe anxiety has calmed down and things are sounding more level, though if the low mood persists do mention that when you next speak to your team.
Camping in the rain, what fun! That's lovely that the children had fun playing together, I always find that the nicest part too Well done getting through it, with a leaky tent to boot! Social situations can be so difficult, especially when feeling low, but you did it and that's a huge achievement.
Just spoke with my psychiatrist. She said it was really early days with the Quetiapine, and not to worry if I do have another dip in my mood. Which has taken the pressure off in some ways, but also made me feel a little disappointed that maybe the change I have seen is unlikely to last. I didn’t realise medication changes would feel this hard. What’s weird is that now I’ve seen some positive signs, I feel more anxious not less
I don’t feel the all consuming anxiety now, which is a relief. But I’m still very tense and I think that will remain over the next couple of weeks at least. Then, if still well (have to keep reminding myself this is a big if) I will need to settle into the general long term uncertainty about whether the quetiapine will continue to work. I had no idea that was a “thing” - that medication can just stop working for no reason (although apparently it is often in response to a stressful event, which makes me think about what I do for work when I go back).
I think in my head I have convinced myself that this medication change has worked, but on another level I know this isn’t true and I could have another dip. I think if I do I will be incredibly disappointed.
Hello MotherOfBears, thank you for being here with an update, we’ve all been thinking of you and hoping things would be feeling better for you.
I’m glad to hear your anxiety has eased a little so it’s perhaps feeling less intense. That’s really good. Keep talking lovely, keep taking each day as it comes. Try not to let the ifs and buts, the maybes take over. I struggled to live in the moment having being so poorly, I know it’s hard not to worry or let those feelings be the biggest ones. But in time my consuming worry about getting poorly did lessen and lessen. You speak so well of your feelings which is a real positive, take care. Thinking of you.
Thanks Rachel. Do you mean that once you were better you found it hard not to worry that you would become poorly again? That sounds so hard. Good that it eased over time though. I guess once I’m well it will be the same with me, that I gradually get more confident
I got well from PP pretty quickly after I was put onto olanzapine. I didn’t realise what a big mark it would still leave years down the line, maybe forever. I know my psych in hospital told me to watch out around menopause as that is a risky time.
I guess my sense of safety has been really rocked these last couple of years and probably that will always stay with me
Hope you had a good evening. I think that as time went on, and the further I and our family grew away from our experience of PP - the worry lessened more and more.
I think it’s just absolutely normal to hold worry or anxiety when you’ve been through something traumatic as we have.
I went for Counselling a few years after my PP illness which was very helpful. And throughout kept talking with the health professionals around me.
You’re absolutely spot on in describing a sense of safety being disrupted, I really felt that too. But in time, confidence grew and grew. PP will always be there, in a way that if you broke a leg you’d always remember that it happened, perhaps feel a little niggle, but it’s no longer the thing that’s front and centre - life and family has a tapestry like way of weaving around, over and through it to help mend. Take care, Rachel x
I hope if you have been on half term break you feel refreshed. Just thinking of you as I have been away from the forum due to internet problems. Keep shining … once the right medication works you will, as you say, be more confident. You’re not alone 🌻
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Well done getting through it, with a leaky tent to boot! Social situations can be so difficult, especially when feeling low, but you did it and that's a huge achievement.
Question about preventative medicine
Has anybody whose suffered from PP with previous pregnancy gone on to have a natural birth 2nd time round
I'm new here.
Struggling so much - are these symptoms normal?
