I am really struggling with feeling disconnected still. It’s like I can’t engage my brain and it’s making me feel so low. I am going to work and it kills me that I’m around people I used to feel so comfortable with and can’t make conversation with anyone. I worry I’m goin to start losing everyone as I feel so boring. Then of course there’s my partner who I love so much but I can’t connect with myself at all to hold conversations with either. The only way I can describe it is as tho I’m vacant, my head in cotton wool and like one of those screensavers where the image moves around bouncing off the walls (probably not explaining that very well!)
I just want to hide away from everyone as I want to be the old me so much and have no idea why I am like this. At least if no one saw me they would remember who I was before and not slowly start disliking me.
Sorry this all sounds so self involved, I just don’t know what’s happening to me and it’s affecting all my relationships so much.
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Loopy86
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It sounds very very hard, indeed, and I am sorry that you are feeling disconnected and withdrawn. It is difficult to connect with the world when we have been through the lot of pp. From my own experience, a year after pp, the memories of it were still fresh, I will recollect things I did and said a few times a day every day, so I could not find it in me to make light conversation. It can be frustrating at times, I likened it to trying to express myself in a language I was just learning, it is the same as recovering from a serious accident, when you have to start slowly with physiotherapy.
I do want to reassure you that your true friendships and loving relationships in your life can take this. Be reassured that it is only temporary and you have a lifetime ahead of you to cherish together. You are going to go back to being the fun personality that you were, because that is your core, and you are still there.
One thing that helped me start building myself back was to go to activities I used to enjoy before. As much as time allows carve out some time of the day to do something for you. Whether it is gardening, dancing, exercise, knitting, any hobby is hugely beneficial for our mental health. It is about remembering the person you were before, because in the near future you are going to be her again.
Take really good care, please don't apologise for posting, you are not being self centered at all, this is what the forum is here for.
I’m so sorry you’re still really struggling with those feelings of being disconnected. I think Maria’s suggestion of trying to connect back with yourself through things you used to enjoy is a really good idea, and it’s so true that the people that really matter will be there for you. I know it’s easy to say, but try not to put lots of pressure on yourself and worry about what others might think.
Are you able to talk to your husband about how you’re feeling? If you’re struggling to talk to him at all, perhaps you could write things down and show him? It can be hard for people to understand and know how to react. I remember writing my story on here about 2 years after my PP and sharing it with some friends and family as I always found it easier to write things down than to talk about things in any depth.
Recovery is different for everyone but use all the support available to help you through, the pieces will fall back into place… Do you have plenty of professional support in place at the moment? How are things going with medication?
Do keep writing here as often as you’d like and as much as is helpful, we’re all here to listen 💜
I just feel like there r huge chunks of my personality that are missing and I can’t access them at all. I just feel like I am missing and it’s just so hard to live with (or without in my case!)
I am feeling so down and struggling so much. I just want to hide away so no one has to c me. I keep going but I’m just an empty shell of a person. I don’t know how much longer I can go on like this
I’m so sorry to hear you’re feeling so down and struggling so much. I hope you have been able to share how you are feeling with your partner. It is an awful feeling to feel so low. Is it possible for you to have a chat with your GP, or are you under the care of community mental health?
Perhaps if you need support today you could contact Samaritans on 116 123 just to chat and let your feelings out?
Take good care and be kind to yourself. It’s not easy for you but we are here to listen. 🌻
I am so sorry you are feeling so detached and low at the moment. Are you currently under the perinatal team, have you had a chance to speak to them or your GP about this? My depression lasted some time after pp and it was difficult, but with the right help I recovered from it as well. Do reach out for help and speak about how you feel at the moment you deserve to feel better and you will be back to yourself.
I'm so sorry you're struggling a lot with depression at the moment. I struggled with depression after the psychotic episode too. I remember feeling the same, a shadow of the person I was, just as you describe. It is so hard.
But I did come through it, and gradually I had more and more better days, and you will too. I know it is hard though to keep fighting it and carrying on.
I found planning my days helpful, setting myself some small goals , even for each hour of the day.
I hope you have some professional support around you, do keep reaching out to them too. I know I found psychology support helpful, to challenge negative thoughts.
I hope it's helpful just to hear that we have been there to and come through it,
thank you for all of your replies, they’re all so helpful and makes me feel less alone. I’m not under a perinatal team unfortunately but currently waiting to being assessed for talking therapy. As part of that I had a medication review which I think has helped but still really struggling.
Thank u for checking on me lilybeth - I am okay just really struggling with lingering “delusions” but they don’t feel like delusions a lot of the time and I just end up feeling like I want to hide away from the world. I miss my old self so much
Thank you so much for letting us know how you are as I know that it’s not easy to even think about writing when you are struggling. I had severe depression and my delusions were all very real and frightening to me at the time. I have read from my notes that they eventually faded with the addition of another medication.
I hope you won’t have to wait too long to be assessed for talking therapy as I think it will be good to talk openly and tell it like it is. It doesn’t seem like it now but you will begin to emerge slowly and find your way to better days.
For now, don’t isolate yourself, keep talking to your partner, family and friends. Or perhaps on the days you don’t feel like talking, write your feelings down so that when you are assessed for therapy you will be able to show the therapist how you have been. We are always here too. Take care and be kind to yourself 🌻
I honestly have the same, I can't connect my body to my brain. I find it extremely difficult, I don't know what's wrong with me. It's like am living but am not there. It's weird.
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