Life after PP

[kitty12345]

Hi everyone,I'm really struggling. I was admitted to a psychiatric ward with pp over the summer. I couldn't be with my baby son as he was born prematurely and in SCBU. I have since suffered with depression and it's almost worse than the pp. The perinatal team advised I go to an MBU but I'm torn as I have another daughter, with Christmas coming up and my son is in a good sleep routine. I've said no for now and it will be reviewed in a few weeks time. What were your experiences of an mbu? I just can't seem to get out of this depression and I wake up with dread every day. I have either been in hospital or barely left the house in 6 months since my son was born😩Any help would be much appreciated xx

[Ramlah_at_APP Volunteer]

Hi Kitty12345,

I am so sorry to hear that you was admitted to psychiatric unit and suffered from PP.

How is your son doing now after being in SCBU ?

Depression is a horrible thing to go through , sorry you are feeling that way.

I had PP almost 8 years and was admitted to a psychiatric unit first before I was then eventually transferred to a MBU; it was much a better experience and environment than staying in a psychiatric unit. The nurses where helpful and it wasn’t so busy . My daughter at the time slept very well as I explained to to them that I didn’t want her sleep pattern to change . A few years ago I recently had my second child and was admitted to an MBU due to severe post natal depression, hand on my heart it helped being away , yes I did miss my older child but she was allowed to visit me and we would go out on day releases . Honestly have a think about it , I know it tough with Xmas round the corner , remember your mental health comes first .

Please take good care

Feel free to respond xxx

[kitty12345 in reply to Ramlah_at_APP]

Hia,

I sound like a stuck record. I feel this agony of wanting to go to the mbu and not I wish I could shake these feelings off. I am worried that there wont be a bed available after christmas, I am worried about my daughter. I can't go on like this anymore

[Ramlah_at_APP Volunteer in reply to kitty12345]

Morning Kitty12345,

I’m so sorry you are feeling agony, it’s a difficult decision to make . I understand I’ve been there before myself , honestly if you weigh and the pros and cons of going to a MBU. Then perhaps that might help you , personally for me MBU was the best decision. I’ve been there before during the Xmas period with my 1st child and to be honest it wasn’t a bad experience. They had decorated the MBU, cooked festive meals and asked if I wanted To go home for a few hours . Have a think about it, maybe even ask your perinatal nurse in terms of availability for beds at the MBU.

Take care xxx

[kitty12345 in reply to Ramlah_at_APP]

Thank you. I'd want to be home for christmas eve to boxing day. I hope they could accommodate that. I am so low right now xxx

[Ramlah_at_APP Volunteer in reply to kitty12345]

You welcome! I think they can accommodate for that and allow that to happen . I don’t see why not , usually most staff want to be home those days , so the less mums in the MBU the better for them . I’m sorry you are feeling low, anything in particular causing you to feel that way? You can private message if you prefer.

Furthermore,If you do end up going in feel free to message me . I’ll be be working throughout the Xmas period so I’ll be checking the forum xxx

[Maria_at_APP Moderator]

Hi kitty12345,

Congratulations on the birth of your baby, I am glad he is doing well now, after being in scbu, that must have been a very stressful time.

I am sorry to read you are feeling very low at the moment. I went to an mbu in 2018 when I had pp and depression after my first child. As Ramlah says, it is very different to a psych ward. I was in a psychiatric ward prior to going to the mbu and my recovery improved so much with the change of environment.

Is the mbu close to home and would your family be able to visit? It is of course a difficult decision to be staying away from your daughter, but what your children need the most is a mum feeling well on herself. This time of the year is very tough on everyone, brings up a lot of emotions and there is the additional stress of the preparations, so being in a quiet environment may be beneficial to navigate the holidays.

Take good care, write here whenever you feel like it

[NanaJudith_APP_Vol Volunteer]

Dear Kitty,

I am so very sorry that you have suffered with the awful illness of Postpartum Psychosis and subsequent terrible depression. I did not suffer PP, my daughter did six years ago, it was also at Christmas time, she is well now. My daughter did go into an MBU and I think she thought it was really helpful in her recovery, though she did not want to go and at the time did not have another child to consider. I can see that this is a very difficult and worrying decision for you. I think that the staff will respect how you feel about routine and will help you with your baby son, giving you time to rest and get well. It may be a difficult up and down journey but you can get well. If the medics are recommending the MBU option to help you regain your health, I think like Ramlah, your mental health comes first, then you can come home and be the best Mummy you can be. I hope you are surrounded by kind, supportive family and friends. Be kind to yourself.

Thinking of you and wishing you well and sending a hug

Judithx

[Kat_at_APP Volunteer]

Hi Kitty12345

I’m sorry to read that you are struggling. It must be really hard, battling depression with two little ones to look after too. I had a good experience of MBU care, but I only have the one child so didn’t have to worry about another child at home. Do you have a partner at home? I wonder what they think about it?

I think I would just reiterate to you how well you are doing, and the need to be self-compassionate when it comes to recovery. You are doing incredibly well and it’s fantastic to hear that you are under perinatal mental health team. Perhaps (assuming you aren’t in acute crisis) it would be good to have Christmas together and then see about admission in the new year, when you can focus on yourself and your recovery? January is a tough time for so many of us, depression or no, and we could all do with extra help!

Perhaps you could ask to visit the MBU to see the facilities and meet some of the staff? This might help to allay any understandable anxieties you may have.

Best of luck and take good care,

Kat

[The_Wes_Anderson_Fan Volunteer]

Everything about the MBU was positive for me personally. That is most peoples' experience (not all). I found it the most effective way of getting well.How old is your daughter? Can she go to grandparents, auntie or her best schoolfriend,'s family?

Thinking of you X

[amyfj Volunteer]

hi kitty12345,

Thanks for reaching out and I hope this helps…

I had pp 10yrs ago following the birth of my daughter. This was treated swiftly but the depression that hit afterwards was as you say almost more problematic.

I agreed to be admitted to an mbu about 4 or 5 months after she was born as I was waking with a terrible feeling of dread each morning and couldn’t see an end to it.

Going into the mbu as an idea was daunting but actually it was the start of my recovery. It was wonderful to have support there, everyone was very professional and I could take time out for myself if I needed it whilst trying several different treatments for the depression under expert supervision.

I really don’t know where I would be now if it weren’t for the mbu and discovering APP through them. I think it’s what they call trauma induced growth.

You are doing an amazing job juggling your older child and your new baby so keep up the good work and please feel free to ask if you have more questions about the mbu or anything else.

All the best,

Amy

[kitty12345 in reply to amyfj]

Hia, thanks for your reply. Do you think that mbu would be good for bonding? I'm struggling and torn as what to do for the best. I've said no to mbu for now 😬

[Rachel_at_APP Partner APP in reply to kitty12345]

Hello kitty12345,

I’m sorry to hear you’ve been poorly, it’s horrible PP and the depression too - I’m really sorry this has happened. You’ve been through such a lot by the sound of it, what with your little one being premature too. That must have been a huge shock and a very worrying time.

I was admitted to an MBU, nearly six years ago now, it was just after Christmas when myself with my newborn were admitted. I was extremely reluctant to go. And had the most worrying feelings even on the journey there. Although looking back, something in me knew that I had to trust it was the best place for that moment. I reminded myself, it was temporary. And that it’d give me some time and help to get better.

With bonding, I was still very unwell with PP when I was admitted but the staff there cared a lot about me and my baby and just wanted to wrap around us both to help. There were things offered at the MBU, like baby massage session with my little one, support with all the care of the baby and so much reassurance too. That helped me find my first steps as a Mummy.

I know it must feel extremely daunting. But in my experience the MBU was the start of me getting better. And being able to grow into the Mummy I’d wanted to be.

I can’t imagine your worry thinking about your older child too. I didn’t have that exact situation, but if it happened now, I do see how extremely painful it’d be to think of leaving home and your older one.

Sometimes, it can be best to try and take a step back, think about what’s the best for the long term. An MBU might be the right thing right now. But whatever you decide do keep talking, and know that under the right medical support you could always change your mind. Thinking of you.

Take care, Rachel x

[amyfj Volunteer in reply to kitty12345]

Yes the mbu I went to in Birmingham was great for bonding. I felt like I didn’t have much of a bond but came out reassured that I did and things just went from strength to strength from there.

The staff were amazing and really helped me with this.

[kitty12345 in reply to amyfj]

Thanks for your reply. It's reassuring to know that a mbu is excellent for bonding. I'm feeling so low today, my family really don't want me to go before Christmas for the sake of my other daughter. I am torn😬 and it all depends on places xx

[Maria_at_APP Moderator in reply to kitty12345]

Hi kitty12345,

I am sorry to read you are feeling so low today. I just wanted to say that the decision is yours at the end of the day. If you feel it could be helpful to be in an mbu now, that is probably a good indication.

I am so sorry that the timing is so bad. But sometimes we can't stretch ourselves more than what we already are.

Take really good care, do reach out for help from your team when you need it and write here whenever you feel like it

[kitty12345 in reply to Maria_at_APP]

Thanks. I'm so sad it's this time of year which makes it more difficult. I may say if it's possible to come home for Christmas if I do go in. I'm so torn xx

[Kat_at_APP Volunteer in reply to kitty12345]

That’s a good idea - and if you are a voluntary patient (not under section) and not in crisis that should absolutely be something they help facilitate. You’re right the time of year (with all its pressure to have happy family times!) doesn’t help. Like I said, do ask to maybe visit the unit and have a chat with the staff there. Best wishes

Kat

[amyfj Volunteer in reply to kitty12345]

I agree this time of year makes things extra tricky but would counter it with the sooner you go in the sooner you will get better.

I was in voluntarily over the summer and had day leave for a wedding so I would def ask about Christmas.

It may be tough initially for your elder child to understand but she would want mummy feeling better too I’m sure and she probably won’t remember it when she’s older especially if you are able to come out for Christmas.

Such a tricky decision but we’re all hoping for the best for you,

Amyx

[kitty12345 in reply to amyfj]

Thanks Amy. I spoke to the perinatal team and there is a bed available but decided to stay home. Tricky decision, I just can't leave my daughter at Christmas. I'm going to see how things go. I think the depression makes me more indecisive I don't want to mess anyone around with my indecisiveness either. x

[Maria_at_APP Moderator in reply to kitty12345]

Hi kitty12345,

It is really understandable, not an easy decision at all. It is great you are talking to the perinatal team, keep checking with them for anything you may need. I also feel indecisiveness when I am low, but please be reassured you are not messing anyone around. Take really good care, wishing you all the best

[kitty12345 in reply to Maria_at_APP]

Thanks for your reply and support xx

[kitty12345 in reply to amyfj]

I'm still indecisive about going to the mbu before christmas. This morning I woke up and felt I should be going in but don't want to mess the perinatal team or my family by being so indecisive I'm aiming to get through Christmas and then go in if there is a bed. It seems a long time to get through it

[Maria_at_APP Moderator in reply to kitty12345]

Hi kitty12345, I am sorry you did not feel well when you woke up this morning. You are allowed to feel differently as time passes. Your team is there to help you, reach out to them if you feel they can support you more. Are you getting regular visits from a CPN at the moment?

[kitty12345 in reply to Maria_at_APP]

Thanks for your reply. If I ring and say i now want to go in to the mbu, it will be the 3rd time ive changed my mind. Do you think that's acceptable or is it best to leave it now. Don't want to mess anyone about

[amyfj Volunteer in reply to kitty12345]

I think that’s ok. You have to be honest about how you feel at the time and it is a difficult decision to make.

Plus as you say the depression makes decisions difficult and anybody that’s been through it or are health care professionals will understand that!

All the best for your decision/chat xxx

[kitty12345 in reply to amyfj]

Thanks. My family say stick to your decision. I feel i'm letting everyone down

[Maria_at_APP Moderator in reply to amyfj]

Hi kitty12345, Amy is right, depression makes decisions that are already tough much more difficult, so please do not worry about it, it is really understandable. I think it will be good to have an honest chat with the perinatal team and also ask about leave for Christmas Day? that could help address part of your worries, perhaps? Will be thinking of you

[kitty12345 in reply to Maria_at_APP]

Thanks so much for your reply. I just feel torn :/ Plodding on but just going through the motions xxx

[Maria_at_APP Moderator in reply to kitty12345]

Hi kitty12345,

I am so sorry you feel so torn. Is it possible to ask for a bit more of support at home in the run up for Christmas? More regular visits from the mental health nurse, maybe?

[kitty12345 in reply to Maria_at_APP]

I woke up this morning in a panic again and had really dark thoughts. I feel so alone. I don't think my family realise how low I'm feeling x

[Maria_at_APP Moderator in reply to kitty12345]

Hi kitty12345,

The decision is ultimately yours with the support of your team. I think it will be helpful to call them and be honest with your perinatal team, let them know how you are feeling now, so they can support you in the best possible way. I'll be thinking of you.

[amyfj Volunteer in reply to kitty12345]

Hi,

How are you feeling today? Did you manage to get some help with your dark thoughts?

Hope you are ok,

Amyx

[kitty12345 in reply to amyfj]

Thanks Amy. Im feeling okay, I have the option of going to a mbu on monday but still indecisive as before christmas. the nurses assure me that it's no problem if I say no. xxx

[Ramlah_at_APP Volunteer in reply to kitty12345]

I’m glad you have the option to go an MBU on Monday Kitty12345, that’s good news xx

[amyfj Volunteer in reply to kitty12345]

Thinking of you today. How are you feeling? That’s good you have an option and I’m sure everyone understands the tricky decision you’re facing.

I think you have to do what’s right for you, in the long run that will be right for your family too.

Thinking of you,

Amyx

[kitty12345 in reply to amyfj]

Hia, I've decided to go to the mbu xx

[Ramlah_at_APP Volunteer in reply to kitty12345]

that’s good news xx

[amyfj Volunteer in reply to kitty12345]

That is great news Kitty. You will be looked after there xxx

[Twobabies Volunteer in reply to kitty12345]

hi Kitty, are you at the MBU now? How is it going? Sending lots of love. Xx

[kitty12345]

Thanks all for your quick replies and information about MBUs. I am doing everything I can to keep going but will see how things go in the next few weeks. Here's to hoping things improve🤞🏻My family are really supportive but don't want me to go into an mbu as they are concerned about me leaving my daughter and change of routine for my son. They think my daughter will suffer if I go to an mbu as she would find it hard to understand where her mama's gone, she's nearly 4 xx

[Kat_at_APP Volunteer]

really glad to hear your family are so supportive - this will make recovery all the easier. I think while your overall mental health and well-being has to be the priority, there is also a need for the whole family to agree on big decisions like this. What does your “gut” tell you? Do you feel hopeful that you can recover at home, or do you think you might need the intensive care that the MBU can provide? The trust I work at (South London and the Maudsley) have produced a range of pamphlets designed for children of inpatients, to help explain to them why their parent is in hospital, including one for 3 to 6 year olds. They can be accessed here: slam.nhs.uk/myparent

Hope this is helpful,

Kat x

[kitty12345]

Hia.

This is really helpful, thank you. I'm not sure what to do for the best right now, so will give it some time and see how things go. xx

[Bumblebeeee]

hi I would really recommend the mbu they are an amazing place and very homely with lots of support x

[Bumblebeeee]

also they encourage you to go home for overnight stays so you probally could go home for Christmas then go back after. My experience was very positive and I really want to work there now ti help others. Thinking of you x

[Twobabies Volunteer]

hi Kitty, I also had a baby in hospital when I had Ppp and was on a general ward until I could go to an MBU with my other baby( I had twins). It sounds really positive you have a good bond with your baby it sounds like the good sleep routine is working well too, this is no small achievement so well done with that! Its very hard when you have baby in hospital and you can’t visit as you like. For me it’s taken a while to accept it was completely out of my control I couldn’t be there because I was too unwell and the best thing I could do and try to do now is be well so I can be there. For me the MBU was a very positive experience although I was very poorly at first, it felt so good to be able to look after my well baby in a supportive environment and it they really worked to help nurture our bond. It helped me then get well enough to visit my poorly baby. I get that it feels a big decision with Christmas around the corner but the MBU exists to support mums like you/ us and supporting bonding is a key aim for staff there as they know it benefits you and baby. Your other daughter should be able to visit ( do you think your partner or someone could bring her?) and also if you go voluntarily they should also support you going home on day leave when you like , including Christmas day. You didn’t cause any of this, you deserve to feel well and be happy, you are loved. You can always give the MBU a go and chat with them about alternative support if you feel it’s not for you. Keep in touch and wishing you all the very best whatever you decide. Love E xx

[The_Wes_Anderson_Fan Volunteer]

Hello kitty12345I don't know what you have decided to do, but one thing I will add is that you would never need to worry about your baby's routine in an MBU, they are expert in this.

That probably doesn't make your decision any easier x

[Arabella-]

oh Kitty,

That sounds tough. I had PP and deep depression afterwards too. I didn’t get admitted to an MBU although I was offered the chance.

It took a lot of meds, and five months but then I recovered. It took a further year to snap out of the depression but I did get there. I have bipolar type 2. Do you have any additional mental health diagnosis or was this just out of the blue?

From what I hear, MBU’s are a lot better than general psych wards.

Look after yourself and keep on communicating- you will get back to good mental health one day. Maybe you will post here to support others when you have recovered.

Much love xx

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi kitty12345

I don't think I have replied to you on here yet, as I know you've been getting so many lovely supportive replies already.

But I just wanted to write to say I am thinking of you.

I had depression after the psychosis, it was very hard, and I spent longer in a MBU because of it.

I found the mornings the most difficult, I am sorry you are struggling a lot this morning.

I found being in a MBU really helpful.

They helped me challenge my negative thoughts, and to be with my baby even if it felt very overwhelming.

It is a hard decision to make, especially with your older child, but sometimes getting that intense support can make recovery quicker.

I know for me when I was in it, I couldn't see how I could get better, I felt very stuck and desparate at times. But I did get better, slowly I had more and more better days, and I fully recovered, and became fully myself again.

You will do too. Please keep reaching out, you really really will come through this.

Sending love and strength,

Ellie X

[kitty12345 in reply to Ellie_at_APP]

Thanks Ellie xx

[kitty12345]

I'm so afraid of going into the mbu, because of my older daughter and feel like im failings her. I want to go though to be better overall x

[Ramlah_at_APP Volunteer in reply to kitty12345]

Morning Kitty12345,

I know exactly how you feel, I was in this situation 2 years ago my son was 6 months my daughter was 6 years old. I can reassure you, you are not failing your daughter at all . Going to an MBU can help me in so many ways, with the right support and hopefully will make you feel better mentally.

I know that when I went 2 years ago, I had a lot of mixed emotions but I literally got a piece of paper and wrote down all the positive and negatives staying at home or going to a MBU. In the end for me going to an MBU, was the best option for me. My daughter was able to visit me in a spceial family room; which had loads of toys ans arts and crafts. I was then eventually able to even go on day leaves and stay at home for a few days or hours. All of this really helped for me to get well and look after both kids once I was discharged.

Take care

Feel free to respond xx

[Kat_at_APP Volunteer in reply to Ramlah_at_APP]

such great advice, and helpful to share that lived experience too. Hope this is useful to you Kitty12345! Best wishes

[Ramlah_at_APP Volunteer in reply to Kat_at_APP]

Thanks KatG, it’s nice to share our experiences xx

[kitty12345 in reply to Ramlah_at_APP]

Thanks so much, that is really helpful and reassuring to hear. I am so glad the mbu helped you xxx

[Ramlah_at_APP Volunteer in reply to kitty12345]

You are very welcome Kitty12345, I hope you are able to make me the choice that suits you best.

Keep me updated xxx