Recently single mum. Feeling lost.

[Llama22]

My husband has recently ended our relationship. I suffered with post natal depression after the birth of both my boys and was in a mother and baby unit in 2017 and 2021. I feel numb, hurt, angry-a range of emotions. I'm staying strong for my boys but I'm scared that my husband will manipulate me and use my mental health as a weapon against me. I don't know what to do and I don't think I'm ever going to stop hurting.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Llama22

I’m so sorry to read how distressed and lost you feel. It must be very difficult to stay strong for your boys so I hope you have family support around you.

I can understand you are worried about your husband and how he might act against you. I think mental health is much more recognised as an illness today rather than something to be feared. Depression is very hard to cope with, which I also had after recovering from Postpartum Psychosis. So your mental health was affected by the births of your sons and although traumatic, the depression is not ongoing... although at the moment you must feel quite low.

I wonder if the charity “Gingerbread” might be able to offer support for you as a single parent at gingerbread.org.uk/. Perhaps your doctor might also be able to signpost you to counselling to talk about your feelings and express everything you are trying to keep under control.

Take good care of yourself and reach out for the support of trusted family and friends. We are here to listen.

[Llama22 in reply to Lilybeth]

Thank you

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Dear Llama22

I’m so sorry to read that your husband has recently ended your relationship. Also that you were unwell and admitted to an MBU after the birth of both your boys. Suffering from postnatal mental illness can put such a strain on things and have an impact on so many areas of our lives - it’s such a lot to go through, I can well understand the hurt and anger you must be feeling.

I hope you have support around you, family and friends you can talk to? As you were in an MBU quite recently I hope you’re also still receiving professional support?

I’m sure there are other posts on this forum and also on other forums within HealthUnlocked as well, where people have shared similar experiences – you can use the search tool to search for other posts and threads.

I also wanted to share a couple of links to websites that may contain useful information and resources:

Relate (offers relationship support for individuals as well as couples, with lots of useful resources): relate.org.uk/

PANDAS (lots of support and resources for those affected by postnatal depression): pandasfoundation.org.uk/

In terms of your concern that your husband will use your mental health as a weapon against you, I wonder if your care team can help signpost you to support and advice? Citizen’s Advice Bureau might be a good source of information (citizensadvice.org.uk/family/) and Mind is also a really helpful website (mind.org.uk/information-sup...

I hope some of this is helpful. Do look after yourself and draw on any support you have around you, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Best wishes,

Jenny x

[Llama22 in reply to Jenny_at_APP]

Hi,

Yes, I'm still receiving support but will be discharged from my perinatal team in the next month or so. I have good family support, though they are an hour and a half away.

Thank you for the links you kindly sent x

[Keziah8 Volunteer]

Hi Llama22

I just read your post. It’s great you are reaching out on here. I agree with Jenny_at_APP that it’s a great help to read other peoples forum posts, that are related to what you are going through. To not feel alone. It’s hard enough as it is dealing with Postnatal depression without having to deal with a break up too. But yes the hurt will stop and you will come out a much stronger and happier person. I hope you can find joy with your sons and you get through this tough time. Sending you hugs and lots of strength…you can do this! 💪

[Llama22 in reply to Keziah8]

Hi,

My sons bring me joy every day and they are keeping me going. I know things can only get better. It is just still incredibly raw at the moment. Thank you for your kind response x

[Keziah8 Volunteer in reply to Llama22]

That’s lovely. How old are your sons? Yes it’s such early days, it must be so hard. Do you have good friends to keep you going too? x

[Llama22]

My eldest is nearly 5 and my youngest is nearly 10 months. They are my whole world.

I have some amazing friends to keep me going.

I hope you're okay x

[Keziah8 Volunteer]

Llama22 Your boys are at lovely ages and to keep you busy too. My son is 5. That’s great you have support from good friends too. It makes all the difference. I hope each day gets easier for you.

I’m great, thank you 😊

[Llama22 in reply to Keziah8]

Thank you.

I'm glad you're good 😊

[Fatimahg]

The fact that you find that the boys bring you joy is testament enough to your recovery.

It would be a cruel act indeed to use your postpartum mental health against you in the custody process. Especially as this is something for which there is almost entirely complete recovery. Life moves on, and if he left you, then maybe there are better things for you. Two things you can surely count on, you will recover (the signs are fantastic already) and you won't be alone! You have many friends here on this forum to begin with. Wishing the very best and huge love to the little lads!

[Llama22 in reply to Fatimahg]

Thank you so much for your reply.

I seem to have a bit more of a plan on how to move forward after seeing my solicitor the other day. Now comes mediation and the hope that he and I can agree on the finances, what happens to the house and the most important thing, our boys. They are my sole focus and their happiness is of the utmost importance.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Llama22

I was pleased to read that you now seem to have a plan going forward after speaking to your solicitor. It’s a very difficult time for you as you focus on your treasured boys. I wonder if your husband might be wondering after this time away from his family whether this is the right decision for him?

Take things at your own pace and don’t be rushed. Be kind to yourself.