Good to hear that things are going well in your wife’s recovery. Although she is considered cured and off meds I think it does take a lot of time to fully recover.
I’m sorry you are considering divorce. It’s clear that you care so much that you fear this might effect your wife’s mental health. These past few years with the pandemic have not been easy with the added pressure of supporting your wife through her fight with PP.
Rather than the finality of divorce, do you think considering a separation might be easier for your wife so that perhaps there is hope for her to hold onto? Is it possible that you could arrange a break together and quietly talk about how you feel broken?
I can relate with your situation. Going through PP together as a couple must be the most challenging experience you can go through whilst raising a baby/child. There are many couples that separate even without PP but put that in the mix and it can feel like you're doomed at times. I had PP Dec 2016 and relapsed 2017 after trying to speed up recovery and come off my meds telling every one I am recovered, getting my body back into shape. It really does take a long time it is a serious illness, imagine someone going through cancer treatment once the treatment is complete and cancer has gone the fatigue and energy levels can take a couple of years to completely come back no different really apart from more stigma attached to mental illness. The good news is full recovery is possible and for many women they completely come back to them selves but take some time.
I met my partner 3 months before getting pregnant so I didn't really feel he knew me completely before getting pregnant and there were some teething problems already before starting the PP journey together on both sides. It was utterly exhausting for both of us, he was working too hard and I was trying to recover and being a full time mum. Our relationship changed once I became unwell I felt he no longer saw me as a partner but a patient, we went through talking therapies for at least a year. He has always had a fear that the nightmare will happen again, the truth is it is unlikely to happen againI I am not having any more children and I get plenty of sleep and a balanced life style now and have a comprehensive staying well plan in place. At the start of the pandemic I was anxious like many people and working as a front line working this was added stress. My partner was worried that I Was going to get unwell and I was very anxious and snappy but this was the making of me in the end. He moved out of our bedroom into the lounge where he stayed until we moved home last year.
The first year of the pandemoniac we decided to split but stayed in each others space till last Sept. I think it has been good to do this process slowly and gradually but very hard, He bought a house and we moved together as a family we all had our own rooms and after 2/3 months I rented a flat 5mins from his house and we share child care duties working this out has taken time to agree on and organise. It has been so tough especially being separated from my daughter but a huge relief too that all 3 of us are much happier. My daughter draws happy pictures of the 3 us together. We still do family stuff one day a week we have a family meal, organise family stuff together but we are separated and live our own lives too. It has worked out for the best in the end, there is always room in these situations to get back together later on if appropriate although doubtful with us. All family take different shapes and forms its not alway the fairy tale story you read but it can work out well in the end as long as you are able to communicate together and work towards something that will work out.
Hope this is of some help? I understand the thoughts of not being able to cope from both sides. you both need to build up your strength again. This is a long entry feel free to ask me anything if it helps hopefully other will share they're stories that may also help. What ever happens next I wish you well.
I would also consider the separation route first no rush for divorse from what I have heard its a very stressful process for both of you. I wasn't married. Ok that's it I'm off for now.
Hi. My marriage didn’t survive my illness either. We both love each other and my ex is supportive but my illness was just too much and we didn’t come though it a couple. It was painful, and still is, but I haven’t had any relapse of symptoms as a result. I get plenty of sleep, I’m not postpartum, and I take my meds. My ex and I coparent well, we managed to stay friends and we still do family stuff all together regularly. Divorce doesn’t have to be nasty. Sure it was painful, sad and disappointing because this wasn’t my choice, but I’m strong and I know it’s going to be ok.
I'm sure you're wife is aware of the fact you want out and that must be tough for her. I got dumped in hospital while recovering, although i was safely out of my pp. I have to say i have a lot of respect for the guy who just told it like it was at the time. I don't think I'd want someone hanging on with me because they thought i couldn't cope with a breakup. Your wife sounds like a strong lady. You do you, as they say. There will be more love out there for both of you.
I had pp last February and although still on meds I feel almost recovered now. I got separated from my spouse in June of last year and now going through a divorce. I think pp added to the disagreements between us - I noticed my spouse’s attitude and behavior towards me change a lot ever since I got struck by this illness. If I hadn’t had family support I could have relapsed while going through this mess. My psychiatrist keeps telling me that moving back with my husband can bring in a relapse because according to her I should stay away from stress and emotional disturbances as much as possible; I have heeded her advice.
So it’s up to your wife to decide what is more painful/stressful for her - living together or staying apart. Good luck on deciding what’s best for you and your family!
I have been pondering on whether to write or not but decided to.
It is always sad when a divorce is considered. I wondered if you had tried any marriage guidance or counselling or whether you feel that wont be helpful?
I just wanted to let you know my own experience.
My marriage was very difficult before PP and sad to say it did not survive once I had recovered. My husband did not want to be a husband or a father at that time. I decided I had to let him go for my own mental health. He was then very supportive and helped in every way he could to bring up our daughter. Because we parted on good terms my daughter always felt very comforted that her dad could come round and spend time with us. He also saw her on weekends when it was convenient. My episode was 33 years ago and when my daughter got married 6 years ago it was a tremendous blessing for all that her dad could walk her down the aisle and very much be 'her dad' at the wedding.
I had vowed never to marry or have children again, However, I did go on to get married again and I did have two more children and suffered no PP. I did have medical intervention and an incredible support plan the second and third time around. I also made sure I got plenty of sleep!!
My ex husband also went on to marry again and as at our daughters wedding it was a blessing that we could all be together on that occasion.
So I suppose I am just letting you know that in my own experience I did get through divorce without any relapse and I did go on to experience second marriage and children.
I don't know if this is of any help to you.
Thinking of you and your family and sending warm wishes.
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