PPS & separation/divorce

[Sweenm]

Hi,

My daughter first had a PPS episode 2 years ago. She spent six weeks in a mother and baby unit. There may well have been a number of contributing factors but the pressure (at the time and since) put on her by her partner has been a major factor.

She has had a number of dips over the two years and after the recent one in Februray she decided that to get better, she had to end the relationship.

Someone who is strong would find separating difficult but being fragil she is finding it extremely emotional.

I feel that for her to hear that there are PPS sufferes who have experienced this or a similar situation and have made a better and healthier life by separating - would be a great help.

So if anyone who has had made this decision who can give her some words of encouragement - that would be much appreciated.

Thanks in advance

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Sweenm

Welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry to hear that your daughter has struggled with PP which affected her relationship. It must have been so hard for you to see her go through so much.

PP is such a traumatic illness that it takes a while to come to terms with. I had PP years ago and I can say that it took me well over a year, maybe two years to feel fully recovered and confident. Recovery from PP can take its toll on a relationship. Sometimes for the partner it can be like walking on eggshells as mum is so fragile after such a frightening experience.

Perhaps it might help if your daughter had counselling to talk about how she feels to a professional? Sometimes we don't like to open up to family as we don't want to upset them. I'm sure you have been a great support to your daughter and grandchild but you must also look after yourself too.

[Missmuppetmoo]

Hi, sorry to hear your daughter is having relationship problems.

It took me over 4 years to fully feel myself again after PP, my marriage ended shortly after this time, which had been the best thing by far for me to find myself.

Obviously your daughter knows her own mind, but please can I suggest that making major decisions when in a vulnerable state can be very difficult as emotions can fog our mind.

Like the reply above, maybe your daughter talking about this with a professional will help her to gain more clarity in which direction she would like to go?

It hasn't been easy for me, but mentally being on my own with the boys and seeking help from a psychotherapist has allowed me to be who I really am.

I wish your daughter all the best x

[Sweenm]

Thanks for your replies - much appreciated.

My daughter (Kate) is confident that she has made the right decision to separate as the more she reflects on the marriage the more she can see that it was a major contributor to her PPS and has also caused her a number of relapses. Yes - there are aspects of having a lpartner that she misses but this is mainly brought on by a lack of confidence as apposed to not being able to do things. Where she was once independent she has now become dependant.

She does have professional support which has definitely helped. However, I feel that at this time she needs some form of contact with somebody who has been in this situation. In my opinion the best support is often from those who have been there so to speak.

Once again thanks for taking the time o reply.

[HelenMW Volunteer]

I just wanted to reply to your very honest question. I don't think I will ever totally know why I had PP all those years ago but I do know that my marriage was under a great strain. Two years after my episode my husband and I decided to separate and divorce. I went on to meet someone else and had another two babies with no recurrence of PP. My circumstances had changed and I did try a progesterone therapy treatment as soon as I had delivered. So in answer to your question, yes for me it was a better and healthier life by separating. The good news for me was that we maintained a good relationship because we had a daughter. We both went on to re-marry and when the daughter from our marriage was married last year we could all attend the wedding together. I am not sure if I can help in any other way and I know that all of our situations are unique but I just wanted to add what I hope is a word of encouragement for your daughter.

Kind regards,

Helen

[roz2203]

I had PPS with both my daughters in 2008 and 2012. There were a lot of stressors which contributed to my PPS. After my first episode it felt as if my marriage never recovered. My husband blamed himself for my illness and he ended up turning to drugs. We broke up and got back together multiple times. I suffered from depression after my pregnancies. We went to professionals who we could talk to, but We decided to separate in 2013. It was the right decision for me and my children. It allowed me to know who I truly am as well. Hope this helps you and your daughter.

Good Luck!❤️

[Sweenm]

Many thanks to all for these replies - they have been very useful. X