I would like to say a big "thank you" for all the support i'm getting from you!
It is such a great feeling to know that you are not alone in this terrible situation and that there are people that had the same problem and are willing to "scratch their wounds" in order to provide help for the ones that now need it. You are the real heroes people!
So how are we doing here? Hmmm... You all know it's back and forth all the time.
I mean from one point of view we are doing really ok with my wife. She is getting a lot better day by day and the catatonia my wife feels is getting less and less. She is more cheerful over the day and seems to cope with our routine.
From another point of view it's obvious we have still work to do. Let me explain.
Last Sunday she had an appointment with her psych for psychotherapy. The doctor for the first time asked for me to be there as well. And so i was. She told us that because this affects both of us, she recommends that over 2 or 3 sessions alone with my wife i would also come over so that we can have a couple's session with my wife. This is a very nice thing because apart that we need some couple counseling i would like to see how my wife interacts with her doctor.
And i must say i wasn't very happy from what i saw. She was very closed and she responded to the doctors questions in one word even though i know there are things she want to discuss. She didn't want to explain things that was on her mind a lot. So i asked her why was that. And she told me that right now all she want's is to forget everything about PP and not talk about it too much.
I know and i get this. She is really not to blame for wanting to forget. But psychotherapy won't work if she is not talking.. And right now we are in that talking phase. I talk with her about this issue and i try to make her be more open to the doctor. From where i stand i think that the more open she is to the doctor the quickest she will feel better. Anyway that's something we work on right now and she also works this together with her doctor. My wife trust her so i think they will find a way..
And now about myself.
Going to the psychologist really helped me. All and all just being able to say things to someone is a very good outlet. She is helping me very much and i'm already much calmer. I also had a chance to talk with some good friends about all these and they really helped me and gave me courage to carry on. I also have a lot of work to do with myself but i now know i'm getting the help i need so i feel that i'm walking on the right road here. I also think this for my wife.
As much as i want to push a button and make everything as it was before, i know that there is a mountain laying in front of us. The difference is that now i know that with the right "gear" and with some extra courage we will get on the top eventually.
Keep it up everybody!
George.
Written by
GeorgeKol
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Thank you for updating us on here, and for your lovely words, I’m glad things are getting better. I’ve been meaning to reply to your previous post to share my experience a bit.
In terms of what you said about this forum in your previous post, I’m so glad you’re finding it a good source of support. Looking back, I joined the forum over a year after our son was born (which was in 2012), but I’m sure my sister had found it and told me about it a lot sooner than that. I think I’d been reading posts earlier on and joined to actually post my first reply.
When I did start replying to posts it became a really important part of my recovery. I remember my husband being quite uncomfortable about it, why would I want to keep going back and recalling my experience, shouldn’t I just move on. But in time he could see how important a role it was playing and how ‘talking’ about my experiences and reading about others was a way of working through it all. I would read my replies to him which also helped me to talk about the experience with him, I’ve always been better at expressing things by writing it down! Obviously he lived the actual experience with me and he was the only person I really talked to when I was ill but there was so much to unravel later on.
I do think it’s really important to talk and process everything to work through the trauma, but everyone’s road to recovery is different and how soon people want to / are able to ‘go there’ will vary, some may never deal with it in this way. I’m sure this is the same for the psychotherapy sessions you’re attending too - as you say your wife will get there in time and work through things in her own way, it can be a slow process. It’s really great she has you to talk to.
Some encouraging news, I am pleased that your wife is feeling more cheerful during the day and that you are also seeing improvements from the sessions with the psychologist. Good friends are also the most amazing cure, cherish them and keep them close.
I think everyone's experience of pp and trauma caused by pp is very personal. And there is no right or wrong way to process it, is my feeling. As long as your wife trusts her therapist and knows she is there for her if she wants to unload, that is positive. It is very very normal to want to forget; this was a traumatic experience for both of you but specially for her. Loosing touch with reality was terrifying for me, and I struggle a lot couple of years down the line when I have to make any reference to my thoughts when I was unwell.
If I could give my 2 cents, for the moment focus on the lovely things coming around the corner for you 3. Your holiday, all the lovely stages for your baby, the babbling the first steps, the increasing independence, the new foods to try, how they are forming their little self. So much fun to have.
Take good care, and keep being an amazing support for your wife, we are all here for you when you want to share
Good to hear from you ... thank you for your very kind comments. It’s lovely to hear how much trust your wife has in you and can be open and honest in conversation with you. I would say you are her rock and she knows she is in safe hands.
With regards to opening up to professionals I was also very closed and offered little interaction. From my notes I spoke in the ‘softest whisper’ .... at the time I was very suspicious of professionals with a little shame and guilt added.
As your wife is recovering from PP, I think like many of us here, she is trying to pick up where she left off and evade the memory of how ill she was, as it takes time to come to terms with such an awful life experience out of the blue. For me, as soon as I realised the doctors were there to help and not judge, I began to respond but it took a while. That’s why your wife’s trust in you is so important and a comfort to her. It’s also good that her trust is building with her doctor.
I’m glad going to the psychologist has been a good outlet for you. Letting your feelings out is such a release of everything you are carrying on your shoulders. Please remember to take a little time out of each day for yourself, possibly talking to friends for support?
It’s far from easy and takes a lot of courage from you both but I sense from what you have written that your strong bond together will guide you to the top of the mountain you spoke of .... all in stepping stones.
Take very good care of yourself .... best wishes to your wife and newborn
Just wondering how you are ..... I hope your wife is a little more relaxed during the psychotherapy sessions.
As you know, sometimes recovery is one step forward and two steps back some days. I’m sure that with all your loving support and encouragement your wife will recover in her own time.
Are you still seeing the psychologist? I think going through PP with your wife must sometimes be challenging, as I know I was APP has a secure Facebook page at facebook.com/groups/APPpart... for you to ‘meet’ and chat with other dads if this might be helpful? As with the forum, I think sometimes it’s a good way to express how you feel instead of bottling things up, although you have mentioned before your good circle of friends.
Anyway, enough of my rambling for now ....... take very good care and stay safe.
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