I’d like to thank everyone here for your support. It’s been a relief for me through this difficult times.
Lately i’ve been pushing things with my wife’s recovery and also mine’s. I think i reached a point where i had enough of darkness in this situation and needed a “shiny day” to come. This hit me really hard. I wanted everything to come back to normal asap. I was pushing my wife and myself and because logically enough nothing really changes so quickly, the only thing i managed is to make myself miserable and angry.
Two weeks have gone by since then. I did a lot of sessions with my doctor as with my wife’s also for the couples session we have every once and a while. I understood a lot about why i feel i need an out from this situation and why this isn’t going to pass by with a blink of an eye. I guess i just got tired from all this.
But luckily for me and my wife i love her. And i’m not a quitter. I know we have a long road ahead of us and that i need to be more patient. Unluckily for us l, patience is not my strongest part. But i’m working on it.
Clearly the last two weeks where my worst downfall since my wife got out of hospital. But with help and discussion with my doctor and friends i feel a little bit stronger now. You guys and girls here helped mr a lot also with your sympathy and courage you gave me.
I think everybody’s allowed to fall. But it’s absolute necessity to rise again.
To everyone who’s struggling out there, you don’t know your limits unless you overcome them.
I think i’ve got some way more until i know mine.
Thank’s a lot mates!
George.
Written by
GeorgeKol
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I’m sorry to hear you’ve been through a rough patch recently. Recovery can be very up and down and sometimes it feels like one step forward and two steps back... As you’re finding, it takes time, and it must be very frustrating to look on and just be desperate for your wife to be well and back to ‘normal’. I’m sorry you feel as though you pushed yourself into a dark place but really glad you’re feeling better with the help of good support around you.
Absolutely, everyone is allowed to fall, and hopefully you’ll come out of this stronger. It’s such a hard thing to go through but in time things will get better.
Please don’t be so hard on yourself ...... it’s not easy coping with the pressure you and your wife have put yourselves under to pick up where you both left off. You have been a great strength to your wife, encouraging and reassuring her so that she has been able to return to work.
I know for your wife ‘work’ can’t be easy but in a way it is an outlet for her. So perhaps you could find an outlet ..... it might be just chair yoga at home or taking your baby ‘round the block’ so that it’s a change for you until work picks up again?
I think I suggested before that perhaps you could have a ‘date night’ (even at home due to restrictions with Covid) where a trusted friend might be able to look after your baby for maybe just an hour or so? Just to give you both ‘time out’ together? Perhaps you could arrange a ‘date’ once a month if the first goes well?
It’s good that your doctor has been a support to you. Are you still having sessions with the psychologist? Keep reaching out to your friends and family ... even here ... just to release your feelings and be able to relieve some of the pressure you feel at times.
You have had a lot of strength and courage to come this far in looking after your wife and baby. Try to find a little space in your days for yourself. Stay safe and take care.
I am sorry to hear you had a rough patch recently. Recovery is not always up and up, its full of downs, and that is perfectly normal, that's how it was for me.
I think while we are in the middle of it, we are too keen on comparing the delta between who we were before pp struck and where we are a now, rather than looking at how much progress was made since the onset of pp.
I remember an occasion many months after my discharge when we were having my brother over for dinner like we used to do on the weekends. And he said with so much love and sentiment: I was reflecting for a moment and it struck me that 10 months ago when you were in the hospital there were times where we couldn't convince you to eat anything, you only took sips of water for days at a time, and now here you are cooking for us 4!
I know it is hard and painful to remember the bad times, we wish to brush them away and pick up where we left. I mean, all the other young families are able to just enjoy the moment, so why can't we? I can't imagine how difficult it is to accept what happened to your wife and you in those very first days after your beautiful son was born. I remember those days through the distorted lens of my illness and the medications I was on. And still it was frightening like nothing I have been through. But for my husband and my brother who were by my side all the time, I can't begin to imagine how harrowing it must have been. So don't be hard on yourself because you have been through a lot, I mean a lot!
Think of all the beautiful moments you have already enjoyed since recovery started for your wife. That holiday of the three of you to what sounds like a small paradise (I am jealous have to confess, I grew up in the Caribbean but live in the UK, and the only time I visited Greece I couldn't stop looking at the sea, I thought I would never see such beautiful clear waters again, and here they were thousands of miles away! ). Those things give you strength, they are the small rays of hope that start to come through. Let them come at their pace.
Things will get better, you have already come a long way, keep being there for your wife, sometimes even a quiet presence is so reassuring. Have a date night like Lilybeth suggests, it is so great! And take good care of yourself, it's really important, pick something you enjoy doing and have an outlet for a couple of hours, maybe a sport or a hobby or some drinks with a close friend.
In my relationship I am the inpatient one and my husband gave me this mantra: be the turtle not the hare, this is a marathon, not a sprint.
Write here whenever you feel like, we are all here for one another.
all dads/ partners and husbands, who have experienced such horrific times, because of PPP and its traumatising experience deserve recognition and acknowledgment that their journey is as much a recovery path.
It is OK to express your feelings, it is OK to open the lid and to communicate with professionals, friends or family members you can trust.
I was pretty much in a pit, when suffering with PPP in 2010 and sectioned. I honestly can say that my super partner saved my soul and life as the psychiatric unit did not cater for mums, who needed not only post natal mental health, but - gynaecological support. I suffered negligence and physical abuse and still suffer with my shoulder 10 years on (no sufficient training in restraining I guess), I was kept in isolation over 70% of my time whilst in hospital. I found out about the truth whilst reading through the medical file. Luckily the brain is an amazing mechanism and just shuts off.
I guess I am explaining this, because you share compassion with other dads. My partner lost so much weight at the time, looking after the baby, communicating with everybody involved from crisis team to social services, health visitor and lots more. This was just too much for my partner...
How my partner pulled through I have no idea, but I am absolutely mesmerised by his will power and continuous investigation & unrevealing the truth in ill-treatment and finally getting me out of there!
Self care is so vital, my partner did not allow himself time to rest and eventually he got poorly, too with PTS.
It is important what Lilybeth said about finding a way of allowing yourself to step back for a while, not only now maybe for an hour or so, but even in years to come. It is important to pursue something you enjoy. At the time there was not much support for my partner and I am sure all those dads, whose loved once suffered mental health challenges recently have a new story to tell, because of Covid 19.
Thinking of you and hope you are having support from your doctor. You have been amazing helping your wife and caring for your baby but please make sure to take care of yourself too.
I hope your wife is slowly recovering with all your loving care. Hopefully you can find space in your day to unwind. Be kind to yourself ... take care.
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and my husband gave me this mantra: be the turtle not the hare, this is a marathon, not a sprint. 
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