Marriage struggling after PP

[louise4]

Hi, my husband is finding it very difficult to accept that how I was and what we all experienced was an illness, a diagnosis and not just me being horrible. He's adamant I could have had control over my behaviour and how I spoke to him etc. He demanded a lot of changes (obviously, since I was acting psychotic!) But I was unable to control myself or change anything when I was so ill. He seems to think I made him suffer, there was some choice in it.

I'm much better now but our marriage is just awful. I know he's traumatized too and he goes to councelling. But how do you regain compassion? How do you get someone to accept it was an illness? Any partners of PP sufferers here,?

[Jocelyn_at_APP Partner APP]

Hello Louise4,

Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us. PP is such an awful experience and it can be difficult for partners to understand it. I still don't understand it sometimes, having gone through it!

Have you had a look at the APP insider guides, there is one for partners that may be useful for you and your husband:

app-network.org/wp-content/...

I think there are some partners on the forum that may be able to give you a better insight than I can.

Thinking of you. Take care of yourself.

Jx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hi Louise4

Good to hear from you although I'm sorry your husband is struggling to accept how you were during PP. I think during my PP episodes I must have been a nightmare, having read my notes about my behaviour and what my husband must have witnessed while I was going through hell!

I carried unfounded guilt for years .... I had an idea of what happened but in the days when mental health had such a stigma, my husband was told by my family not to talk about it, so he didn't to me. My husband didn't have counselling but during my second recovery he did have a breakdown, so the tables were turned as I visited him in hospital .....

Finding APP and with the lovely shared experiences I realised that PP was in control during my episodes .... it wasn't my fault and I had no choice .... which was the same for you and all the courageous mothers here!!

I remember from your previous post that you live in Scotland? Do you think the link to the Maternal Mental Health Alliance in that thread would be able to offer you advice?

Also, as it must be very difficult for you, perhaps Prof Jones of APP's second opinion service might be able to talk to your husband, via Skype if necessary, to let him know how much of a trauma PP was to you and that you could not help yourself? Prof Jones and his team are based in Cardiff and the link is app-network.org/what-is-pp/.... As you will see, for this service you need to be referred by your GP or Psychiatrist but there is no charge either to you or the referring NHS Trust.

I hope your husband's counselling will make a difference to his thinking. The trauma of PP is devastating for the whole family but please remember it wasn't your fault. Try to think about how much courage you have had to recover and have fought so hard to be well for the sake of your husband and family. Thinking of you .... take care. ❤️️

[fatsculler]

Hi Louise,

There are partners who are part of the Peer Support Network. We've all been through PP with our partners and come out the other side. If he wants to get in touch then all the details are on the website.

Take care

Dan

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello louise4

Thinking of you and hope you found the replies and links here helpful.

Do you both have family support as I can imagine how hard it is for you and your husband? As I mentioned earlier, my husband did have a breakdown during my second recovery which was a lot for us to come back from. Eventually we fought together to get back to the happy family we were before PP struck again. I hope counselling is helping your husband to understand you had no choice. Take care. ❤️️