I have recovered after suffering PP early 2021 and can actually proudly say I am doing well again. However, my relationship is difficult. We are just not who we were before kids. I understanding having a child affects your relationships as there is simply not as much time for yourself and for you together anymore. Which both negatively impacts the situation...
Anyway, my partner yesterday admitted that he is no longer making love to me because 'everything that happened' plays a role. Which was a hard one for me to swallow but I at least appreciated his honesty. He doesn't usually talk that much,
I am not sure what to do though. I feel like in addition to fighting back after suffering PP, I am now fighting for our relationship and its just so hard.
I recall that this was a question in the APP survey a while ago, did you relationship get better or worse due to PP. I remember not knowing how to answer that at the time as in one way it does make you stronger going through something like this, but it also makes you vulnerable. Plus every person deals with trauma differently.... Not sure what to do, but just looking for some support and exchange of experiences.
Thanks and keep well xxx
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Wiwa21
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I’m sorry to hear you experienced PPP Wiwa21 - it’s a tough gig, isn’t it!
It’s remarkable you’re doing so well - I had PPP in early 2020 and there are still days in which I struggle with feelings of grief, sadness and anger.
I don’t know if it’s common, but my relationship has been impacted hugely. It got to the point where we agreed to go to couples therapy a few months ago as a safe space to work through things (like you, our physical intimacy took a hit, but we were also fighting a lot and struggling to work together/function as a couple).
We’ve got a long way to go, but it’s been game changing. For us, my partner needed me to know he felt like he had to be the strong one to get us through. Now that I was well all those emotions were finally catching up with him. Turns out he was struggling and almost didn’t know how to tell me and I was so focused on getting better that I hadn’t noticed.
Anyway, I tell you this because for me learning how to talk again and realising just how much we’d both been impacted has helped a lot with our relationship. If you’re in the position to get some couples therapy I’d strongly recommend it. I’d wished I’d gone sooner.
Hi Wiwa21, I thought I'd just pop on and let you know you're definitely not alone in this. I had PP in 2016 and in the early days we barely spoke about what had happened at all.
The other thought I have for you is if your partner might benefit from talking through his feelings with someone at APP too. We have a partner peer support, Simon, here. It's difficult seeing it from each other's perspective and it took me a while to see the distress the pp had caused him as well. Although I'll temper that with the mantra 'none of it was your fault, you were ill' it took me ages to get rid of guilt about things that had happened when I had pp.
Also, maybe try and build on things gradually. We'd had IVF and then the pp after so intimacy took a long time to rebuild! Is it possible to get some time together just doing something a bit special together, going for a lunch or even just a coffee? No expectations, just a bit of time to reconnect as a couple.
Hang in there lovely, we're here when you need to talk xx
Hi Wiwa21 , thank you for reaching out to us. Sorry to hear about your situation. I have to admit having a baby does change the dynamics of the relationship, then having some trauma afterwards can impact this even further too. I had PP in 2021 too and being truthful I would say we're still in the recovery stage of our relationship post PP. I think its normal.
I would suggest some couples therapy or initially maybe your partner would benefit speaking to Simon from APP. We are also here for you so if you felt you wanted to speak to us we could arrange that too.
You're speaking up and taking action, that's a great step in the right direction. I hope things get better ❤️
Well done for getting through PP 👏 and it is most certainly something you should be proud of for years to come.
Im sorry you are having relationship problems. I recently went through marriage counselling with my husband. I was worried he wouldnt talk as he isnt much of talker either, but he did within the counselling. I think it really helps to have a third person steering the conversation.
Relationships arent easy and I hope you both find yourselves in a better place in times to come 💞
Thanks ladies for all your responses! I indeed think counselling is the way to go. A lot happened and whereas I am an extrovert he is a very introvert person. We just seem to deal with trauma very differently. I hope he is open to the idea of counselling or maybe even talking to Simon but I am worried he is not. It is hard to force someone to speak when they prefer to swallow and just carry on. Thanks for all you encouraging messages though. I am certainly proud of myself for getting this far in my recovery and although I don't wish relationship issues (post-PP) upon anyone it is reassuring in a way to hear that this is common, and that you lovely ladies are also working your way through it. That is comforting... Will keep you posted! xxx
My situation is a little different from yours but l thought l should share. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with my husband prior to my psychosis. I personally believe it was also a major contributing factor to my pp....l worked, took care of an infant and toddler without much support from him, intimacy came to a halt after l the conception of my second baby, he was also mentally and verbally abusive, little support from family. I am still getting treatment for my PP and he has never really cared to show some empathy. Are you personally seeing a therapist to help you process the trauma from PP? PP can be such an isolating experience. I hope you have some kind of emotionally fulfilling support from friends or family. Intimacy is essential and l hope things will work out for the better with your husband.
I am pleased to meet you here on this forum and it is always good to hear when people recover as quickly as you have done from such a traumatising illness as PPP.
All our stories are very unique. In my opinion our lived experiences will affect everybody differently and that includes our loved ones.
I have survived a very tragic experience as I had not received appropriate care when admitted to a Psychiatric Hospital. I was an extrovert and have become an introvert, because of continuous mental health issues.
My partner had an immense will power to make sure I recovered from PPP, once I was back home. He was my full-time carer for quite some time.
My partner bottled-up deep-rooted trauma for many years until the lid exploded. We lost loved ones throughout my recovery. Luckily his firm always has been extremely supportive and sufficient time out and counselling was provided.
Wiwa, I do not know about your circumstances, but communication is vital to figure out what you both want. Therapy has to be a free choice!
My partner is absolutely devoted to my son and I, as he has continued to take care of me when I am surfing the waves of Bipolar 1. My partner is very head strong, reflective, and sensitively tuned in.
I believe you need some time where you both find quality time together in figuring out where you are at and whether both parties are committed. Sometimes one needs to develop a toolkit, so that one manages and becomes stronger...I have had to initiate that on my own throughout the years. Our relationship consists of love and kindness & equality.
Sending you much love and hope you will find a therapeutic avenue with your husband.
I just wanted to say I am so glad you have recovered well from your episode of PP. I had my experience of PP in 2016. It was the first time my husband had seen me become unwell. Lets just say it took many years to make heads or tail about the whole experience. I had four children who needed me but my husband took over many of the things I use to do. Looking back I can see how hard it was for him. But I would have switched places with him any day as recovery from PP is one of the hardest things to live through as I am sure you know all too well. So in perspective what you had to endure was much worse than your husband. Personally if my husband said he couldn't be intimate with me because of PP I would tell him to pack his bags. Did PP test our relationship yes it did for sure. But our love for each other and the stability of our family came first. I am sorry your husband has hurt you by using an experience you had no control over as his excuse for withholding intimacy. I hope he develops more compassion towards you as you obviously love him. Please know having PP was never your fault and that you deserve support. You sound like a strong woman and I really hope you and your husband can get through this hard part of your journey. Sending you much love.
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