I'm doing awful. I'm so scared of this illness. I'm having a very hard time these past couple of days. I don't know what happened. I thought thr medication was working. I feel like I'm hitting rock bottom again. I called to make an appointment with my doctor bc I feel like I need my dosage to br higher but I just found out that my health insurance was shut off. I don't what to do anymore. I'm sick I'm going to get worse bc i won't be able to afford the medication. I need support. I'm scared. I hope to talk yo you guys soon.
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Ashley031
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I'm sorry your health insurance is an added stress for you. I'm not sure about treatment in the U.S. Are you allowed to go to hospital to be assessed and put on the medication you need?
I can understand why you feel scared. Is there someone in your family who can find out how you can receive support? It's such a shame if you can't have the medication you need. Is there a community support group which might be able to advise you?
I'm not sure if there are any support groups here. I feel like I dont know where to turn. I feel like I'm crazy. It's likr I'm hearing voices to hurt people I love. I would never hurt anyone especially my family. U won't this go away. I feel so alone 😟
Hi ashley I'm so sorry you're still struggling with the voices and that it's hard to access support because of your insurance.
I wonder too if there is support in your area? Postpartum support international or postpartum progress are both based in the USA (which is where you are right?) and they may be able to help and advice you? If you search you'll find their details. They may be able to advise you re your insurance as well?
I know it feels it might never end but you will get better... you have had some better weeks and now a couple of bad days but I found there were longer and longer times between the difficult times... you are going to get there and be fully recovered
Take care and keep writing whenever you need to xx
Can u get family or a friend to help u with insurance? Sounds like u r not well enough to navigate on ur own at the moment. Getting the right medicine is crucial so u need to tell someone. I was sick for ages and got thru it before any medicine so u r doing better than me
The illness is like a tidle wave, you don't know when it comes or if it will take you out. What I do know from experience You need to learn how to ride the waves....
Must be frightening about health insurance tho. You need to be on meds. It is a chemical imbalance.
Hope you're are feeling better soon.
It does lift I promise.
Hope you get help soon, if things get really bad- go straight to accident & Emergancy.
Thank u for responding. I'm calling the insurance company on Monday. This happens every now and then with my insurance so I know I will have it again it just might not be till jan and I only have 7 pills left. I will call my doctor on Monday and maybe he will help me. It's like a demon lives in me. The voices say to hurt everyone I love even strangers. am really just a but? What if this never goes away.
I hope your doctor will be able to help you until your insurance kicks in again. It's good in a way that you recognise what the voices are telling you is wrong. Try not to isolate yourself as I found having company, singing along to the radio, helped to block my thoughts. You honestly will get better but you do need medication and perhaps other interventions to do this, so I hope your doctor will have the answer to bridge the gap until you have insurance cover.
I think My biggest problem is I pay attention to these voices and I need to ignore them. It's just hard sometimes bc my mind is raving. Last night was awful. these voices give me images and I can't take it anymore. It's making me feel like I want to do it. I'm scared. I want to be cured. My anxiety is so bad bc of t is illness. The good thing is i do sleep good bc of the medication so my mind doesn't race at night. hope to talk soon.
If it gets worse you could ask for something to help you sleep which is so important. I tuk quetiapine short term after baby. Helped a lot. Or just see try lavender oil or massage. Pray
I do pray a lot. When i first started hearing voices I was sleeping with rosary beads under my pillow. sometimes I look at my picture of Jesus that I have and cry to him. I trust in the lord 100% and I do believe he will get me through this
Hi Ashley, just read about the things you are struggling with. I have been through the same things as you. I had voices in my head telling me to kill myself. I believe in Jesus just like you do and he is the only person who got me through the worst time in my life. I trusted him 100% just as you do. You can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens you. I felt led to click on your post and as I read about your struggles I knew I had to pray for you. You are not alone, Jesus is with you, he will never leave you, nor forsake you. Keep praying! Ask him to heal you and he will! Have faith to believe it as I did and he has healed me! Another very important thing I have learned is to take each thought that comes into your head captive in the name of Jesus, and those thoughts will flee because you have authority in the name of Jesus. All you have to do is say I take (and name the thoughts) captive in the name of Jesus, amen. Keep doing this every time you get a thought that is bad and do it straight away. Do not let it linger in your head and they will go! I pray that God will give you peace and in this dark time that you will find him . Talk to him and tell him how you are feeling and wait on him to reply and he will talk to you too. This is what got me through. I pray you will hear his voice and can build an amazing relationship with him. I hope this helps. If you need anything dont hesitate to ask me. Take care of yourself, Ruth xx
The voices are a problem aren't they? Some float away while others get stuck so you are doing well to ignore them. Perhaps when you see your doctor on Monday he can give you coping strategies or refer you for therapy? Continuing with medication is important so I hope he can help. At least you are able to have a restful sleep.
Hi Ashley031, thanks for updating us on how you are doing, sorry to hear the voices are troubling you. It's good that you are managing to sleep well though, I hope your doctor can help with the anxiety and other symptoms you describe. In the meantime, I hope that just writing here and knowing there are others who have been there and come out the other end is a small comfort to you. Take care, xx
I'm doing awful right now. these thoughts won't leave me alone. I'm at the point where I don't wany to live anymore. It's so bad and makes me sick. I want to and need to be better. I feel like a crazy person.
Hang in there Ashley. It will get better! We are here for you. If you can't ignore the voices try focusing on a simple task. Something easy but mindful.
Hold on Ashley ...... perhaps you can sleep as you said you don't get disturbed then? I know it's hard but try to rest. Is there anyone at home with you to talk this over? Please stay safe.
Hi ashley they will stop and you will get better and you are going to come through it... I know it's so scary and you feel like an awful person when you're in the middle of it. Remember you are not the only one whose had horrible thoughts like this, lots of poorly mums exoerience this...
Can you try and distract yourself? I find doing some of that adult colouring helps when I can't stop thinking. Or maybe try yoga?? There is some beginners yoga on you tube ... I find that really calming and just makes me focus on something??
Remember those voices aren't you, it's just your mind getting 'stuck' on horrible thoughts... you are a good and loving person you're just not well. Speak to your psychiatrist. I wonder as well can you access some kind of therapy? Cbt?
Take care ashley we are here for you. You are coming through this X
My thoughts are with me too, telling me that I don't love the most precious people in the world, so if I don't love them- what's the point of living? It's a cycle that drives me insane!!!.... they become stronger & more prominate when I'm tired or stressed, then they just float away or 'wait in the wings'.... I've had to just learn to live with them. Try not to fight them, just know that they are NOT TRUE... hope you're feeling better. So many people have demonds, you really are not alone. Keep safe x
hi Ashley031. You are strong and you can do this. Perhaps sleeping will help or distraction is something you can try, listening to music and colouring helped me. Th voices are part of the illness and we have all beaten it too. Please stay safe, hold on until tomorrow. Thinking of you, xx
I'm so sorry things are feeling so bad. You will get through this, please don't lose hope. I hope you can distract yourself from these thoughts - they don't mean you don't love your family, you aren't in control of them, it's not your fault.
When I get distracted these thoughts are not in my head at all. But sometimes when I'm alone or not busy that's when they are bad. even though 2day I was cooking and keeping busy and they were so strong. some days are better then others.
I honestly don't know, the mind is such a complex thing.
Try to remember they are just thoughts. Terrifying thoughts I'm sure, but a thought is quite different to an action, and although you might feel a strong urge as those thoughts are so strong and loud, you're not acting on them. My understanding is that everyone gets these thoughts flitting into their head all the time, but we pay no attention, shrug them off, and they flit out again. Intrusive thoughts kind of get stuck and the more you try and push them out I guess the more prominent they get which is why distraction can help.
I feel like I'm not living anymore. these thoughts are taking over my life. no matter what I do I'm getting bad thoughts and images. I was giving my son a bath tonight and the thoughts were to drown my son. I would never do that! It makes me sick! I'm so tired of this! I would never hurt my son ever! please help me. I can't go on like this anymore
Please hang in there and ask for some professional help. I imagine it is difficult with your insurance situation and I am sorry not to be more help, as being UK-based I don't know how things work in the US.
The main thing from your bad thoughts and images is that they are just that, thoughts and images, and as you say, you would never hurt your son, please try and hold on to that. So that the other part of your thought (that you wouldn't do it) can sort of counter-act the bad parts, if that makes sense?
I didn't see the doctor today bc of my insurance being shut off. my insurance gets put back on in a few weeks so i have to call my doctor and let him know. hopefully he can help me with my medication
Please call your doctor first thing in the morning. If that doesn't help, just walk into the doctors surgery-i got more help face to face when I was feeling like you are now.
I'm sorry you didn't see your doctor due to your insurance issue. Try to call him as soon as possible before the medication you have left runs out. Hopefully he will be able to help you until your insurance renews next month.
I'm sorry to hear that you had such bad thoughts last night. You did very well to push that out of your mind, so you are strong even though it doesn't feel like it. I think the main thing is to seek help from your doctor, although I know you are waiting for your insurance.
The thoughts are frightening as you are a loving mother ...... this is your illness so try and have as much support around you. Having such an illness and trying to cope with routine is very hard so take good care of yourself. Do you have a crisis team? I'm not sure about services in the US. Is there a support group, similar to The Samaritans here, who you can ring 24 / 7 to talk over your thoughts and fears?
Take good care of yourself ...... sit down with your family so they know how anxious you are so they can be watchful and help you.
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Scared of relapse 
TW - Suicidal ideation
What does recovery feel like?
