Feeling guilty

[betty2014]

Does anyone feel guilty about returning to work? Do u think u feel more guilty because of what's happened in the past?

I have started my own business and love doing it but my little one as not yet started nursery so I'm relying on family members which is proving more difficult than I thought. I feel like some are not getting as much help as I would like and I'm constantly having to ask for help rather than any of them help.

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator]

Hi betty2014,

Going back to work after pp can be really hard. I know I struggled with a massive loss of confidence for some time and found this an additional "thing" connected with working, probably because of my pp experience. I tried hard not to feel guilty though and looking back now, I feel quite strongly that because it wasn't my fault I got ill, we shouldn't make ourselves feel guilty. None of this is your fault.

I'm sorry that the family childcare dynamics are proving tricky. Do you think things will improve as you all adjust to you being back at work? Is your partner supportive? I wonder if you can tell him how you are feeling on this and perhaps talk about how you can make things better?

Starting your own business sounds great, I hope you can find a way for it all to work out so it is a good fit for everyone . If you have nursery planned, I'm sure that will help too. My little one loved time at nursery and I think it really helped his development, so that relieved some of my worries. Take care, xx

[betty2014 in reply to Hannah_at_APP]

Hi.

Thanks for your reply, I think I was just not expecting the business to take off so quickly, my little boy starts pre school in January so that will become a lot easier.

Yes my husband is supportive but he works full time and long hours so can't really help during the days. I have told him about it and he agrees that the grandparents should be helping out more. Only problem is my mum still works full time and his mum i don't really trust

[Vee82]

Hi Betty,

Congratulations in starting your own business and sorry to hear relying on family members is proving difficult. Is there a child minder in your area that could assist meantime?

I absolutely agree with you about feeling more guilty about what happened combined with shame, embarrassment, loss of confidence and self esteem. I just buried those feelings and tried get on with my life and told myself I was lucky to have a beautiful healthy daughter and went on to have my son with no further problems.

I was admitted to the psychiatric ward for 8-10 weeks of my local hospital where I had worked as Staff Nurse on the medical unit. I never went back to my nursing career though due to childcare issues, guilt, embarrassment and loss of self confidence. However, with over three decades of hindsight, maybe PP provided the opportunity to redefine myself and managed to complete an Open University degree and carve out a new career path for myself to fit in with children.

Surviving PP makes us stronger, we find ways to cope and move on to lead fulfilling lives. PP is a wee bump along the road, albeit a hellish big bump at the time! All the very best to you Betty with your new ventures and to you all. Love Vee x

[betty2014 in reply to Vee82]

Thank you for ur reply. I was just feeling stressed yesterday as someone let me down. I guess I'm finding it all a little new going back to work and definitely new starting my own business. My little boy starts pre school in January so I thought I'd start the business in February this year to try and get on the ladder thinking that it will be a struggle. I have been overwhelmed with business that now I'm at the point where I don't have the time for new customers even when my son goes pre school.

Thanks for ur kind words. I think we are all quite hard on ourselves considering what we have been Through.

That's amazing that u have changed ur career xxx

[Hidden]

Hello Betty,

sometimes I would love to go back to work and feel guilty that I can not. My role positioning has changed completely. I used to be an Academic and now,- I am a mum and paint...

Happy-yes...I try to reflect on my well being and listen to my body. I have discovered my limitations and still live with fear and anxiety. Triggers can be managed, stress level have to be kept low and my purpose is clear. Loving and caring for my little family.

Take good care of yourself and good luck with your business. I used to do freelancing for some years and remember these were the most lucrative, flexible and interesting opportunities; with a lot of time for looking after myself in between, far less stress than being in higher education...well before my illness...