Second baby

We have been trying for baby number 2 and I've had the realisation that I don't think I want another one. My daughter is now 4 and a half and it was a big decision to try again after being in the m and b unit for 8 months after her birth and PP. Is there anyone else on here that has decided to stick with one child? I'm not sure I can go through with being poorly again. Thanks x 

18 Replies

  • Hi, I really feel for you and I think you need to do what you feel is right. Can you talk to your partner about it? Or your doctor who may be able to advise on medication etc? 

    I'm recovering from PP six weeks after he birth of my son and at 40, we'd always planned to start trying again after six months. Now that I've been ill, that seems too soon but i would like to have a second child even though time is running out and my son was IVF. 

    Has anyone out there had a second child and how long did you leave before tying again?

    Thinking of you, kcha x 

  • Hi there,I am pregnant with twins!  and my first will all going well, be 22 months when they are born. I think I caught the PP very early ,was hospitalised for 4 nights a week after my son's birth and was on olanzapine for 5 months. All going fine so far..

  • Great news, mc80, well done. Do they plan to put you back on olanzapine as a precaution after birth?  Not sure how it all works and I'm sure it's all personal per individuals etc x

  • Thanks Tabitha,I am living in the rep of Ireland and at my 12 week hospital appointment I found out that there is no plan in place re PP at all. Is there anyone else living in Ireland who had had the same experience? 

    I think there is no support available unless I have a relapse. 

  • Not had a second child but due in July. I have devised a good plan and I personally would get ill again to have a child - but I'm quietly optimistic I won't have to. Will share my experience in August of how it went

  • Hello kcha

    Good to hear from you.  I remember your great article in the magazine and with such a traumatic experience I'm not surprised you are not keen to have another baby.  As you might know from my ramblings here, I have two sons, but there are mums who will give you great support and their experiences who chose to have one bundle of joy.

    I think you're very wise ....... I've said before on the forum that when we get our mental health back it's very important to take care of it.  Although there are mums here who have had second pregnancies without PP returning, I can understand your reluctance to take such a risk.

    Take good care of yourself ........

  • Hello TabithaSparkle

    I think I mentioned the Insider Guide regarding recovery when you posted a supportive reply here recently.  I hope your medication is keeping you stable.  You seem to be coping well considering how difficult IVF treatment can be and then to be struck with PP.  During my first PP many years ago I was in general psychiatric care for the first six months, mainly without my son.

    Due to my first illness we waited six years before deciding to have our second baby, another treasured son.  Unfortunately, I had PP a second time and was mainly treated at home except in times of crises when I was readmitted for further treatment.  

    There are mums here who have had subsequent pregnancies where PP did not return so there is always hope.

    Wishing you all the best in your recovery ...... take very good care of yourself.

  • Thank you Lilybeth and yes, I've found the guides very useful and have also sent them to friends and family to help them understand this horrible illness. 

  • Hello mc80

    Lovely to hear that all is fine with you.  I hope you are receiving good support from your care team with your twin pregnancy in Ireland.  It sounds as though you are doing really well recovering from PP too.

    Take time to relax if you can .......

    With very best wishes.

  • Hi kcha

    I just wanted to write to say I'm in a very similar situation to you. My son is 4 and a half too, and I have no other children. It's really difficult isn't it, the decision of whether to have more children. Most of the time I don't want any more children, but I don't know if that's just the fear of becoming ill again. At times I've come close to deciding to have another child, but then it just didn't FEEL right. I think it's also just feeling so grateful for my health, and the amazing relationship with my son, that I don't want to disrupt that. My son is such a mummy's boy, my biggest fear would be what impact it would have on him, and to be honest I know I would get better but I just don't want to go through it all again (if I was ill). ...But there's still a part of me that grieves the children I won't have, and a part of me that feels a bit jealous of friends who just have second children without all the complications I have to think's really tough.

    How does your husband feel? Have you talked to him about having second thoughts of having another child?

    Anyway, just wanted to let you know you're not alone in how you feel...take care XX

  • Hi hun my little boy has just turned 4 and he will be our only one I was in a m and b unit for just over 8 weeks and we can't go what we went through again.  You are not alone  xxx

  • Dear kcha,

    family planning is such a personal and nuclear family decision, especially when you have suffered from PPP. There is a lot of literature on APP, including females' exchanging their opinion whether to try for another baby, despite PPP.

    I was quite clear about my personal choice and feel so very fortunate that I gave birth to my son. Because of my traumatised experience and my condition after the illness it was not a difficult choice to say NO. My partner's voice supported my decision.

    Good luck with your journey. Be happy and content within and enjoy the company of your beautiful daughter. My son is 5 and such great fun.

    Kind wishes :-)

  • Hi Kcha

    I can definitely relate to this. I go back and forth on my decision on a regular basis.  I feel like I don't want anymore but that I'm willing to have another for the sake of my son and husband, but then I'm not even sure that I'm not just using them as an excuse and I really do want another?!

    It's so hard isn't it.  Why can't our pregnancies be easy. 

    I recently got pregnant for a second time and was surprised at how calm I felt, I had decided not to stress about things that may not eventuate, but to also be as prepared as possible.  Unfortunately I lost it at 9 weeks, so I'm back to the constant indecision about whether to try again or take it as a sign that I should stick with one. 

    I also feel the same as Ellie, that I'm so scared of putting my little boy through that, seeing me like that, it probably scares me the most. 

    Good luck with whatever you decide, we're all here to support you x

  • Dear kcha, 

    I really feel for you. I was a M&b unit for 6 months after my boy was born. He is now 5 1/2 and it was a combination of factors that led us to decide against having another. I say 'us' because it really had to be a whole family discussion. If the worst happened again and I was hospitalised, the impact on my son would be huge and my husband and mother would be left to pick up after me again. But even more than those practical issues was the slow realisation that a large part of my desire for another child came from an idea that it could in some way make up for what happened the first time. I had an aching sense of having missed that crucial first year, that I could do it right the second time. For me, in the end I decided (after one fairly disastrous attempt to come down off meds to try) that these feelings were not enough to put my family and the son that I have through the kind of anguish that might ensue once again. I won't say that I've never looked back, but the decision to stick with one has enabled me to move forward more positively. 

    All best to you and your family


  • Hi- I had PP 16 years ago and decided not to have another child as my husband did not want to risk me being ill again and cope with looking after my son. Plus I was worried if I had PP again (mine was very severe) how it would affect my son seeing his mum like that. 

    Since I accepted this I have been very happy with one child and think this decision has kept me un-stressed and well for 14 years. My sister can't have children so i have always been aware of how lucky i was to conceive and have my son naturally.

    2 years ago after a period of a lot of stress I became psychotic again for 12 weeks and then suffered 6 months of severe depression. I have now been diagnosed as having bipolar disorder.  I can take some consolation in the fact that having one child may have kept my stress levels low and helped to keep me well all these years.

    How many children YOU have is ultimately down to YOU and YOU will look after them for the rest of their lives. YOU will be the one who has to cope with being unwell again.

  • Hi Kcha

    Not sure if there's really more I can add but I decided to stop at one child too. Our son is now three and I don't have any plans to expand the family. I say 'I' because I know my husband would like to and it does sadden me to have to let him down like that. But for me it's just not an option. I have found the last three years of 'recovery' such a struggle - the thought of starting again with a newborn is just too much!!

    But of course each family is different and in the end you may decide to have more. Which would be great. You're not alone if you decide just to have the one though.

    Take care


  • Before PP my husband and I always thought we would have two kids. PP and "recovery" have been a long and difficult road that we are not willing to risk starting over on. We have decided we are lucky to have one beautiful, well adjusted and loving daughter. We will not be having another baby in fear of what could happen to mommy.

  • It's such a personal and individual decision and I said I'd stop at one but I thought about how much I now love my son and I'd go through the illness again for another child - when they are adults, the pp will just be a distant memory.

    I'm due in July. I've written and have an excellent plan in place and I'm quietly optimistic that I won't get ill- but even if I do, having a child is worth it for me xx

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