Does anxiety play a big part in how you treat someone????????

Or is it just a excuse!!!!

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It does feel like an excuse sometimes, and trying to explain it to someone thats not experienced it is very difficult.

If you have anxiety, thats what they will treat, I'm not quite sure what you mean there.

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If you read my blogs you will see that throughout the last 8 months of my partner suffering from anxiety, he has a tendency to ignore me for hours, days. Sometimes i do wonder if this is down to how he is feeling, or its just him and i use the anxiety as a excuse. I could deal with it but its now starting to get to me again. Plus he is always wrapped up in him. Not anything that i do. Goes days without asking how i am. He knew the yesterday i was having a crap day. All he could say was he had a crap day too. Anybody that has a problem he doesnt want to know. He said he would ring today and hey presto not a thing yet again.x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hi Lou41

I've read a couple of your blogs and hope I've got the idea.

That sounds exactly right. He is not making excuses, he just doesn't have enough love to give away to you at the moment.

If you molly coddle him, you will drive him further away, trust him, love him without extecting anything in return. Let him be on his own when he needs to be. Does he pull away if you try and cuddle him, as that was something I used to do, even though I needed that cuddle, I didn't feel I had enough to give back.

If you could DO something with him, ask for some help in doing something, maybe that would bring him out a bit.

If you just give Love, without expecting anything in return, even though he is caught up in his own stuff. His mind will receive it, maybe not on a conscious level but it will help him.

For you, you need some love too, and thats not selfish its real. If you can maybe treat yourself, go see someone you love to be with, it will help YOU to recharge your batteries.

Wishing you well

B

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I think it does to be honest , when my anxiety is bad , i can be snappy , shout , push people away , & even I am ashamed to say , say things I dont mean

For me its the fact I can be struggling to deal with myself i can take it out on the one thats close to me

No its not an excuse , and if we do tend to be like this , we should work on it very hard not to , & when I have found myself doing it , I always say sorry & I do feel bad

Have you asked him if he wants this relationship, I no how very good you are with him , if he does & you can deal with it , then thats fine , if it gets to much for you , dont blame yourself , no one could ever say about you that you dont give this 100%

Hugs , sorry you are having a bad day

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[donaf]

Ive found that i shout and scream at people for no real reason, and i can be very queit wen im feeling anxious. My partner will ask if im ok and i shout at him because it makes me feel worse. As i think think he can see my anxiety and how im feeling xxx

[seyi]

Hi lou

Many people would say its an excuse but to be honest no two days are the same. One day you are coping well another day your struggling.

I can get really aggravated at times with family and friends then later when i have calmed down i feel guilty.

But sometimes we find our problems to deal with and its just letting off steam.

Sorry to hear your having a bad day but hey tomorrow's another day.

Best wishes

Love Seyi xxx

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Its not really a relationship when i have seen him once this year. He does want me around................how crazy that sounds. He keeps saying he knows its not fair upsetting me all the time, but nothing changes. He does say sorry but doesnt seem to have the oomph to change it. I just feel like i am losing myself. I come on here and i dont know what to say to others at the mo, when i read things. x

[fadedlizard]

There's a possibility that I'm not going to answer what you asked Lou but I'll give it a shot.

Does anxiety affect the way I interact with people? How I treat them?

Yes, it does.

Anxiety makes me fearful and irrational. It makes me snappy and impatient. The tension builds up inside me and in my effort to control it, it leaks out and affects those around me. At my worst I have been known to lash out (verbally, usually, although I've been known to throw things and once broke a plate glass door) at those who love me. No real defence except I felt so bad and I think I just wanted it to stop and by extension wanted those around me to take it away, to rescue me. Now a days I'm more likely to take it out on myself and truthfully I still do not fully grasp the effect my cutting has on those who love me. It is a coping mechanism to me and I am still shocked to see the pain on my friends face if they see my scars.

Anxiety can make me withdrawn, tired and self obsessed. I do not always see what others are going through when I am so wrapped up in my problems. If I do see it I can convince myself that you are better off without me and withdraw further, telling myself it's for the best. I can stop contact for long periods because I do not have the energy to sustain a conversation or I'm too afraid I'll have to explain myself.

Anxiety can make me over react to tiny little things. Everything is about me; I find it hard to understand people have their own agendas and may do things without giving me a second thought. I am afraid of abandonment. I am afraid of seeming clingy. I'm a nightmare in a relationship ~ either hot or cold; intense or distant. I do not feel I deserve to be loved or that you would want to be with me for my own sake which makes me suspicious.

I need to feel safe at all times. If I don't for whatever reason (real or imaginary ~ I can't really tell the difference) my behaviour becomes more and more extreme as I thrash around trying to make myself safe. I am particularly mistrusting of men so my anxiety issues are much more pronounce around them; in any situation not just a relationship.

BUT

I know all this about myself Lou. I've made the effort to make sure I do. I've had the counselling. I've read the books. Everyday I challenge these thoughts. Everyday I try to ignore the irrational thoughts that my mind throws at me. I hold down a good job that kind of relies on not coming across as a selfcentred, unstable wreck even if I feel like one on the inside. I do try not to let it show. I try to function fully. I am aware of my actions and I care that they do not affect the people around me.

Yes, I've had this as my companion for frighteningly close to thirty years. If I hadn't learnt to walk with it by now I would be in a lot of trouble. But it is very important to me that my issues do not leak out and swamp other people.

There is a fine line between struggling to deal with an issue and just bad behaviour Lou and if this is the question I think it is I think that line is fast approaching. I cannot sustain a relationship. I want to but in reality I can hardly mange myself never mind someone else.

I have no idea if anything I've said has helped. I'm not even certain if I'm answering what you asked.

Take Care of You

Love

Lizard.xx

[Hidden in reply to fadedlizard]

I love this post, you have so articulated how I feel about myself and relationships but i couldnt have made sense like you just have..........

Ker xx

[fadedlizard in reply to Hidden]

Glad it helped, Kerry.

I find it quite scary to look at it in black and white ~ I sound so unstable!!!!

I think you have been so brave to move on from a toxic relationship. I find it so hard to let go and look after myself.xxx

[Hidden in reply to fadedlizard]

Lizard I just had to reply to this. It's just like you have explained about me and my life. I could never have explained how my life has been/is but this all makes so much sense. Thank you I am in therapy and on meds but you have made things clearer wow very powerful words love eve x

[fadedlizard in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, Eve.xxx

[Hidden in reply to fadedlizard]

I have to agree. I keep rereading it and see the same kind of things going on with him as to what you have put. xx

[Hidden in reply to fadedlizard]

Hi Lizard,

What a brilliant post, I can relate to some of your points, especially 'relationship' ones.

Thanks Eunicex

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I owe you a big apology FL. The messages i just couldnt reply to. I just didnt know what to say or how to give you a lift. I am not blaming him for everything as there are other things going on at the mo that are getting me down. I feel at the mo i am there for everyone else but dont have anyone there when i am feeling low. SO i truly apologise for not replying back. xxx

[fadedlizard in reply to Hidden]

Don't be silly lass, there's no need to apologise. I just assumed you were busy. As you could see from the thread I was very well looked after

You need to prioritise yourself, my love. I know it sounds harsh and I struggle to do that myself but look at this way: you'll be no help to him at all if you've got ill too.

Keep posting on here though. We are all here for you and care very much that you are feeling low.xxx

[Hidden]

Thankyou. xxx