Lifestyle?

[Meerkatz]

Reading all the questions and blogs here, combined with my own self-observations, I'm embarking on a new route to try and get rid of this debilitating anxiety.

As mentioned elsewhere, alcohol can be a contributory, if not causal, factor. So, I’m cutting all alcohol out. At the age now of 51, maybe the days are gone when I could skip breakfast, burn the candle at both ends, grab a snack. So, regular healthy eating, sensible sleep, rest and exercise are ‘in’.

A couple of days ago I had a disappointing panic attack. All I was doing was cutting a pizza up, which was placed on the coffee table. I started to get panicky – but at the same time was determined to complete the task. The determination in a way makes the panic worse as you think ‘I must must must get this done’. I did it – just – and fell back into an armchair. I say ‘disappointing’ because this came out of the blue in a situation which should not have been stressful or taxing.

So, yesterday, I bit the bullet and went to the doctor’s. I had been holding off because my theory being ‘Going to the doctor is the first step on the journey to ‘calamity’’ has been making me try and ignore the issue and hope that it all goes away of its own accord. The doctor was actually very understanding and eager to help. He’s put me on Paroxetine and referred me to a consultant psychiatrist, suggesting that CBT will help in the long term, although it’ll take two or more weeks for the Paroxetine to kick in.

Whilst I’m not depressed in the slightest, I do feel a bit sad that my prediction of calamity appears to be coming true. My work will go berserk if I have to take time off, especially at the moment as we struggle to serve a most important customer at a critical stage of the business cycle. (Work stress is part of my anxiety, at present, together with toxic sibling mayhem).

Today – Saturday – not at work – and the anxiety is worse than during the week. What’s that all about? I’m trying to burn off adrenalin by being really active around the house, but I end up getting a bit OCDish/perfectionist in everything I’m doing. Being ‘perfect’ in anything you do is no fun. It’s impossible to smile if you’re trying to get something perfect. (Try it :))

I’ve spoken with my wife about ‘it’, and without wishing to sound ungrateful for her understanding, I did get a bit exasperated when she said ‘The trouble with you is that you worry too much’.

Anyway, the new course is set – and I must give it a try. Healthier lifestyle, medication, see what consultant says (CBT?).

I hope the weather improves. I keep seeing clouds on the horizon all the time. Literally and figuratively.

Hope you have a good weekend – free from worry wherever you are and whatever you’re doing…..