Living with this condition is so hard. I struggle to find the good in any day, and it makes me loathe everything around me.
I take good things and make them bad, and always think I’ve done something wrong. I check the stove top to make sure it’s off at least three times every morning to make sure it’s turned off. I make sure at least twice that my animals did not slip out as I closed the door. I am a prisoner to these unwanted thoughts.
I go to therapy once every two weeks. That’s if my therapist isn’t taking some vacation. I love her very much, but sometimes I feel like I’m incurable. I have such a hard time with my anxiety. I overthink everything I do at work, and my bipolar disorder makes me impulsive so I do and say things without thinking. Then the anxiety and guilt set in and I have no idea how to fix it.
Today was a rough day in that aspect. I want to just have a good day, but I just can’t. I hate this so much.
How do you cope?
I don’t have a lot of friends so I can’t really confide in them. And honestly, I don’t want to burden them.
I really hate my job though. I am a teacher and dealing with all of these kids has taken years off my life. I also was dumped a year ago to the man I loved more than anything and I think it was because I am damaged goods. Anxiety has done this to me, and I’ve let it rule my life. I don’t know how to take back that control.
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cheerleadercoach
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Please try to think of yourself with compassion. You are not damaged goods. We all have "damage" from some aspect of our lives. You feel bad, and then you're kicking yourself on top of it. You deserve better.
I do not think that this time of year helps. You should be proud of yourself, studying and qualifying as a teacher and helping the kids to get an education. Anxiety is hard to cope with I get so annoyed and upset with it and I know it is my own brain that is doing this to me but it is so hard to control.
I am no expert but maybe break the good day you want into smaller chunks, and try and remember all the good points and how they felt.
It sounds like from your comments that you are dealing with OCD/anxiety. You might check out the websites/youtubes of Mathew Codde at Restored Minds and also Paige Pradko. Both are therapists who had OCD and anxiety and healed themselves and now help others heal. They are both good at offering clear understanding and advice about dealing with it and healing it. Anxiety can also adversely affect our self-worth and even our relationships so you might spend some time also on youtube learning how to improve that for yourself. You don't mention if you are on any medication but if not, you might consider it at least temporarily.
Hiya, I feel for you so much, It is not an easy thing to cope with. I have lived with anxiety since I was 5 years old, I am now 67, and it has come and gone over the years, I also have depression, and that too comes and goes. In my case I truly believe it is just in my genes, my grandfather was like it, as was one of his daughter's ( my aunt ), and it has passed down to me, and onto another family member. I must say I am in awe of you coping with qualifying as a teacher, so give yourself a massive pat on the back for that girl, and be very proud of yourself for doing it. Also try to be kind to yourself, and know that you are not some freak for feeling the way that you do, It is tough and many people just do not understand it at all, but there are many of us out here, and we get you, so you are not on your own. Sending love.
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