feel like i’m in a rush constantly

[celestw]

i constantly feel like i’m in a rush for something, like i need to hurry up and do something before it’s too late, but i don’t know what...it’s like i feel like i need to hurry up and live my life before it’s too late,,it doesn’t help that i feel as if my life is cut short because i have high blood pressure, even though i’m treated for it sometimes my readings are still high. i’ve given up..i feel like i’m going crazy, why can’t i just be a normal teenager...At this point i’ve convinced myself that i’m gonna die in the next 10 years from a heart attack or stroke or some other horrible thing, so i guess that’s contributing to the feeling of me feeling in a rush. And i hate it because since we’re in a pandemic i can’t really do much anymore and i feel like i’m just wasting away my days...I’m afraid to grow up because i’m probably gonna die early cuz of high bp without having fully enjoyed my youth and the closer snd closer i get to adulthood, the more scared i become, i waste away my days dwelling on this thought and i don’t know how to not think like that, i hate my brain...i don’t want to get older because it always only gets worse..everything gets worse....i’m turning 19 this year and i’m terrified, i’m not excited like people usually would be, i’m not excited like i want to be....i just want to be normal why do i have suffer constantly..

sometimes it just makes me wanna give up and end it early...i’m tired of feeling like this, and my blood pressure and mental health are just gonna get worse as i age,,i don’t wanna live through that...

i just need to rant because i have absolutely no one to talk to about this so any form of advice or reassurance is welcome, i feel like i have no one...

[kayak4242]

Are you okay? These are really crazy times and especially so for young people who have never experienced anything like this. Please try to find something you enjoy.....reading, music, a hobby. I am struggling also but try to remain optimistic. Hopefully, things will improve (cause it doesn't seem they could be much worse). Do you have anyone in your life you can talk to?

[celestw in reply to kayak4242]

yea😔it is especially crazy times, i used to do so much and i had so many talents (dancing, music, guitar, art) but now i’ve lost the motivation to do anything anymore, life seems so pointless tbh, i try to get back into things and never sticking with it, i hope for things to improve but it honestly feels like nothing ever does, my life has just been going downhill since this pandemic started and it’s just gonna get worse i think😔i try and talk to my mom she just calls me annoying and an attention seeker, i don’t talk to any of my previous school friends anymore cuz ig im jus too much :/ i rlly don’t have anyone to talk 2 about this, i used to take therapy but i’ve been out of therapy for months cuz it was a burden,,at this point i’ve given up😞