My friends don't seem to care about me

[SilentSinger55]

So, all of my friends have anxiety which can be a good thing because they understand what I'm going through, but they also make me feel like mine isn't relevant if that makes sense. Two of them have such severe panic attacks that they end up passing out. It is so bad that we made a rule that if they're in the bathroom for more than 4 minutes someone has to go after them. My panic attacks are more mellow. They're kind of on the inside. I start to breath kind of heavy and my chest feels like it's going to explode. My heart pounds and I start to sweat. I tell them I don't feel well and they shrug it off, but I'm always there for them when they need it. It kind of makes me feel like crap.

[EleanorRose]

Hi SilentSinger55,

I hear you. I think there are so many pros and cons to having friends with similar issues. I don't want to make this about me so I won't share too much of my own story with this but know that I can relate and am happy to talk about it with you if you want me too.

What I will say is, sometimes it feels or seems like someone's issues are so much worse than someone elses but that is not necessarily the case. I understand why you would feel bad when you are doing all you can to support them and it feels like it isn't being reciprocated. You can't 'make' someone care, unfortunately. Does it feel a little like they are taking advantage of you?

Make sure you are looking after yourself, don't give so much to them to the detriment of yourself.

Them taking advantage and making you feel bad may not be deliberate. It may just be that they feel or see their own problems to be so much worse and there is too much for them to deal with for them to be able to support you as well. It seems unfair but it may not be personal.

Unfortunately in life, the people who get the most help or support can be those who 'shout the loudest'. Those two friends have everyone's support and attention - racing after them to the toilet because they are outwardly portraying the most extreme reaction. That doesn't necessarily mean their suffering is greater. Passing out from panic attacks is an extreme and uncommon occurrence but it is getting your friends the most attention and support. It seems unusual that two of your friends both have the same extreme issue. I don't know them and make no judgement on that but what I will say is don't minimise your own thoughts and feelings.

These don't sound like the right people to support you. Doesn't mean you can't be friends with them but perhaps you need to find a different support network. You are just as important and your issues are not necessarily 'not as bad'. Look after yourself first however hard that may seem.

Take care,

Eleanor Rose